#random

My shadow falling over a spot of land always increases its real estate value. Buy it now, because at high noon, all value will vanish.
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— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #noon #random #random-thought

Western man has tried for too many centuries to fool himself that he lives in a rational world. No. There's a story about a man who, while walking along the street, was almost hit on the head and killed by an enormous falling beam. This was his moment of realization that he did not live in a rational world but a world in which men's lives can be cut off by a random blow on the head, and the discovery shook him so deeply that he was impelled to leave his wife and children, who were the major part of his old, rational world. My own response to the wild unpredictability of the universe has been to write stories, to play the piano, to read, listen to music, look at paintings - not that the world may become explainable and reasonable but that I may rejoice in the freedom which unaccountability gives us. ↗

— Madeleine L'Engle

#randomness #freedom

Her name badge read: Hello! My name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#funny #hilarious #humor #laugh-out-loud #name-badge

I don’t worry about identity theft, because I don’t even know who I am as a person. So if I’m not even in possession of my own identity, how can it be stolen from me?
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

A blanket could be made of tuna fish skin, which would go well with my cottage cheese thighs.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

He looked up at Stig and Hal. 'Told you this one was a keeper.' Lydia flushed as the two boys smiled. 'Shut up. You make sure you do your stuff with those two overgrown dinner bowls you call shields. ↗

— John Flanagan

#funny

Now there's a girl I don't want to mess with' — or at least, that's what I would think if I had a chronic fear of freakishly nice people. ↗

— Nenia Campbell

#funny-and-random #humor #niceness #funny

A brick could be used to keep thieves away from your house. Just set a brick outside your front door, and you won’t need any additional security. Years will go by and nobody will steal the brick. And because the brick won’t get stolen, it’s proof that it deterred thieves from approaching your property.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be modified to be a cell phone, for construction workers who miss the easy to find cell phone size of the 1980s. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used to block a mouse hole. But something better that would not only block the hole physically, but also psychologically, would be to stuff a dead rat in the hole.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny