#random

What do you want? Where's the goddamn ice I ordered? Where's the booze? There's a war on, man! People are being killed! ↗

— Hunter S. Thompson

#crazy #drugs #funny #random #funny

We made up, and I knew just how to do that. I told her, “I feel like dancing. Let me grab my dancing shoes and stick-on mustache (better to tickle your vagina with).” And she replied, “My vagina already has its own mustache. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#random #funny

EAT SANDWICH, NOT OWN MOUTH. ↗

— Lauren Conrad

#humor #funny

A brick can be used to represent the zero probability of this book being any good. ↗

— Amy Summers

#brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny #humor

A blanket is great for covering things, like the dead guy, I just killed with this brick. ↗

— Nicole McKay

#brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny #humor

A brick could used as a dagger, much like a blanket could be used to cool off after a heated argument. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Jesse is a good guy, although I don't understand the infatuation with the spandex he is always running around in. ↗

— Holly Hood

#funny

I’d never name my kid Mark, for fear he’d be a target—a mark.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

If I die, who’s going to take care of my shadow? Or will it return to the night, from whence it came? While I sleep at night I keep my shadow folded neatly in my underwear drawer. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#die #funny #random #shadow #death

Lying on the ceiling. Refusing to go to school. Not opening up to me. Climbing water towers. "No, she's all right. ↗

— Kami Garcia

#beauty