#rang

You have to believe that people will be open to your advances. We psych ourselves out of approaching a potential BFF or emailing a role model because it seems far-fetched that they'd want to be friends or network with us in return. But, as has always been the case this year, people are happy to make new connections. ↗

— Rachel Bertsche

#strangers #friendship

She says he says, but she could be lying to me, and he could be lying to her, so I can’t believe her, even if I could believe her.
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— Jarod Kintz

#believe #bizarre #funny #honest #honesty

If I were an armadillo, and a stranger came up and said I looked familiar, and they wanted to know why I looked so familiar, I'd respond in a raspy voice, "Your brother ran over my brother. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brother #funny #ran-over #raspy-voice #stranger

I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never give him any mail. Maybe he will appreciate the thought, or maybe he will feel I am making more work for him. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#considerate #funny #humor #jarod-kintz #mail

Don’t try to hog loneliness and keep it all to yourself. Share it with a special someone.
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— Jarod Kintz

#alone #bizarre #funny #hog #humor

Yesterday, at the company party, I made a joke and everyone laughed and said, “Hey, now there’s the Jarod Kintz we all know and love.” and I smiled, but inside I thought, “Actually, the Jarod Kintz you know and love was my clone, who I had to murder because he kept eating all my leftovers. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#clones #funny #humor #laughed #murder

Horace, who had been trying to find out the meaning of Kurokuma for some time now, was pleased to hear the translation. "Black bear," he repeated. "It's undoubtedly because I'm so terrible in battle." "I'd guess so," Will put in. "I've seen you in battle and you're definitely terrible. ↗

— John Flanagan

#nickname #ranger-s-apprentice #funny

Halt eyed them balefully. They were all being so obvious about not mentioning his sudden reappearance that it was even worse than if they had commented on it... 'Oh, go on!' he said. 'Somebody say something! I know what you're thinking!' 'It's good to see you up and about, Halt,' Selethen said gravely... Halt glared at the others and they quickly chorused their pleasure at seeing him back to his normal self. But he could see the grins they didn't quite manage to hide. He fixed a glare on Alyss. 'I'm surprised at you Alyss,' he said. 'I expected no better of Will and Evanlyn, of course. Heartless beasts, the pair of them. But you! I thought you had been better trained!'... 'Halt, I'm sorry! It's not funny, you're right... Shut up, Will.' This last was directed at Will as he tried, unsuccessfully, to smother a snigger. ↗

— John Flanagan

#evanlyn #halt #laughter #ranger-s-apprentice #seasickness

I think it would be rewarding to be a professional non-thinker, because I’m always trying to do the exact opposite of work. So I might as well spend eight hours a day deep in thought. Plus, I think it would be marvelous to hear my boss scream, “What are you doing thinking? Get back to work. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #strange #thinking #funny

On savings: A dollar here, a dollar there. Over time, it adds up to two dollars.
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #money #odd