#rca

Brave lodgings for one, brave lodgings for one, A few feet of cold earth, when life is done; A stone at the head, a stone at the feet, A rich, juicy meal for the worms to eat; Rank grass over head, and damp clay around, Brave lodgings for one, these, in holy ground! ↗

— Charles Dickens

#life

Your name?"The movements of the man's mouth didn't quite match what he was saying, so seeing him speak was a bit like watching a badly dubbed film. "Alex Gardiner," Alex said. "Your real name?" "I just told you." "You lied. Your real name is Alex Rider." "Why ask if you think you know? ↗

— Anthony Horowitz

#conrad #fail #name #sarcasm #film

What was up with class today? It was watered-down porn. He practically had you and Patch on top of your lab table, horizontal, minus your clothes, doing the Big Deed. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#humour #sarcasm #today

Aww, did we masturbate through the tears last night? ↗

— Kresley Cole

#sarcasm #humor

Rest assured, you make perfectly good nonsense.  I understand you one-hundred-percent not at all. ↗

— Richelle E. Goodrich

#nonsense #richelle #richelle-goodrich #sarcasm #unclear

Abby wouldn't want you to suffer because of some jerk that kidnapped her. She would want you to go on your trip so that she would have fun torturing you for not being a puddle on the ground with a box of tissues and an empty gallon of ice cream by your side. Then afterwards to hit you for thinking she was seriously hoping you would be doing that. ↗

— Ottilie Weber

#humor #ice-cream #kidnapping #sarcasm #family

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. ↗

— Groucho Marx

#humor

I stood for almost an hour in a line of shuffling, bitter - eyed late mailers (Christmas is such a carefree, low - pressure time - that's one of the things I love about it),... ↗

— Stephen King

#christmas #sarcasm #love

I try to smile at her, but I can't extend my flexibility training to my mouth, it just won't move. ↗

— Steph Campbell

#sadness #sarcasm #humor

Does Hallmark make a “Sorry I tried to drink your blood and touched you in a vaguely inappropriate manner” card? I settled for “How much do you remember? ↗

— Molly Harper

#funny #humor #sarcasm #vampires #funny