#rod

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back ↗

— Rodney Dangerfield

#funny #humor #humour #kiddnapped #rodney-dangerfield

...you cannot eat every tadpole and frog in the pond, but you can eat the biggest and ugliest one, and that will be enough, at least for the time being. ↗

— Brian Tracy

#frogs #productivity #procrastination

I never, my producer never, we never let myself just sing. We were always trying to get the perfect vocal. ↗

— K. D. Lang

#get #i #just #myself #never

On is to no, as Dora J. Arod is to Dora J. Arod. And brick is to blanket, as Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-uses #dora-j-arod #brick-and-blanket-test

Because I want to have sex with him--and because that's sinful--I'm blushing and flushing furiously under his scrutinizing scrutiny. ↗

— Jess C. Scott

#crime-fiction #drama #e-l-james #fifty-shades #fifty-shades-of-grey

I introduced myself thus: “My name is Moscow Moonlove. My friends call me Moss, Cow, Moo, Moon, or Tigerpants. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#introduction #random #funny

A brick could be used to increase your annual sales. But before you can sell, you’ve got to buy. For just $9.99 I’ll show you how a common brick can transform you into an uncommon salesman. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #buy

He was muscular, like a man who could pin you up against the wall as easily as a poster, yet lean, like a man who would rather cradle you in his arms. He had reddish, blonde-brown hair that was groomed heterosexually. He looked older than the other boys in the room—maybe not as old as God or my father, but certainly a viable replacement. Imagine if you took every woman’s idea of a hot guy and averaged it out into one man. This was that man. ↗

— Harvard Lampoon

#nightlight #parody #twilight #imagination

Did you notice anything funny about Edwart in class? I think I love him,” I said nonchalantly. “Well, he did look kind of angry when you fell and disconnected his computer charger.” So it wasn’t all in my mind; others had noticed Edwart’s awareness of me. ↗

— Harvard Lampoon

#nightlight #parody #twilight #funny

He used often to say there was only one Road; that it was like a great river: its springs were at every doorstep, and every path was its tributary. 'It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door,' he used to say. 'You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to. ↗

— J.R.R. Tolkien

#frodo #lord-of-the-rings #middle-earth #tolkien #business