#roommate

I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#comedy #demetri-martin #fly #funny #humor

Its really hard to be roommates with people if your suitcases are much better than theirs. ↗

— J. D. Salinger

#hard #much #people #really #roommates

I've got four roommates and they all have fur and tails. ↗

— Kate Walsh

#fur #got #i #roommates #tails

The suite was set: Chris and I in the left, back room; Tom and Ricky in the left, front room; Junior and Danny Tampon in the back, right room next to the bathroom; and Dickstein all by his peanut-dick-self in the front, right room. It was quite a radical change from the suite that surrounded me, Chris, and Tom the previous year. Just getting rid of Lebeuf was addition by subtraction. The Beachside Dorm, Suite 524, would be one of the happiest places in my two-decade life. Freedom of expression was never diminished, unless Dickstein opened his mouth and shit flew out of it. ↗

— Phil Wohl

#change

There is little worse than when the person to whom you want to apologize is having great sex in your room. ↗

— Thomm Quackenbush

#roommate #sex #dreams

You're sure your new roommate won't be like the last one who wore tinfoil socks and had a tendency to occasionally urinate in the refrigerator. You're sure you'll pass Math 106 this time around. You're determined to actually join some clubs this year and not just sit around in your dorm eating spray cheese from a can and watching youtube videos about cats. ↗

— Patrick Rothfuss

#roommates #college

I even lived on campus to get the college experience. I had five roommates and I still keep in touch with them while I'm on the road. ↗

— Tatyana Ali

#college #college experience #even #experience #five

I remember when I was in college, I used to watch Julia Child's cooking show during dinner and joke with my roommates about becoming a TV chef. ↗

— Martin Yan

#becoming #chef #child #college #cooking

I drove around in a Volkswagen Rabbit I shared with one of my roommates, and it didn't have a roof. It doesn't rain much in L.A., but when it did, it was utterly miserable. ↗

— Jon Hamm

#did #drove #i #miserable #much

I think it would be funny if some guy walked into a house and said he just stepped in shit. Then he’d ask other people to look at the bottom of his shoes as he lifted each leg and foot so they could see. When all the people said no, they didn't see any shit, he would then take off his shoes and there would be shit all over his socks. Then the guy would say, "Oh, God, my roommate shit in my boot again. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#roommate #stepped-in-shit #funny