#s

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. ↗

— John Lyman

#humor

I cook to inspire my husband to pay attention to me. ↗

— Sonia Rumzi

#cooking #husband #inspirational

A classroom . People trying to stick me in classrooms was becoming as predictable and annoying as people trying to kill me, but with less-fun results. ↗

— James Patterson

#humor #lol #school #funny

Horseman. I know you were born back when women were thought of as little more than brood mares and slaves, but it's the twenty-first century, and we can do anything a man does. ↗

— Larissa Ione

#humor #humor

Mom and Dad exchange a nervous glance and have a telepathic conversation about it. I hear every word. Do we let her out? It's past curfew. True, but look at that—at least she asked! I know! I can hardly believe it! She could have sneaked out, but she asked! I know! We're good parents! "What time will you be back?" Dad asks. ↗

— Courtney Summers

#parents #telepathic #humor

Did you hear that! Yuki, the heartless Yuki! Heartless Yuki has begged me with tears to let him visit my shop! ↗

— Natsuki Takaya

#humor

هناك دافعان لقراءة كتاب ما : الأول هو الاستمتاع به ، والثاني هو التباهي بقراءته ↗

— Bertrand Russell

#humor

Callipygian: Having shapely buttocks. ↗

— Stephanie Perkins

#humor #humor

You can’t has,' he whispered softly, 'not yours. ↗

— Wil Wheaton

#fantasy #geekery #humor #humor

Salvador Dalí seduced many ladies, particularly American ladies, but these seductions usually consisted of stripping them naked in his apartment, frying a couple of eggs, putting them on the woman's shoulders and, without a word, showing them the door. ↗

— Luis Buñuel

#surréalisme #humor