#sex

The Brit's face shares a heritage with a junkyard butt-sniffing mutt. It's a hard-earned moonshine mug, dotted with a hairy mole that looks like a rat's been gnawing on it. His beard looks like a white sneeze. The teeth are jagged and out of alignment, having opened quarts at Jiffy Quick Lube for half a decade. ↗

— Brett Tate

#funny #humor #humour #memoir #sex

Her descriptions will be incandescent, perfect little nuggets of phraseology, and there will probably be lots of sex in her writing - the clinical type of sex with labias and clitorises and tongues going everywhere. ↗

— Susan Breen

#humor #sex #writing #funny

Sadly for my wedding plans, I learned that Nestor is a bardash. I envy the men who enjoy his favors. He has always treated me with friendship which I now value more than my old romantic feelings. ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#friends #homosexuality #friendship

I glance down his body. He's still wearing his shorts and his shirt, and I still have my T-shirt on. Jeez-- talk about wham, bam, thank you ma'am. ↗

— E.L. James

#anastasia-steele #christian-grey #e-l-james #fifty-shades #fifty-shades-freed

...our witness, one Edward Littleton, was a gay as Elton John's handbag. ↗

— Ann Somerville

#funny #gay #homosexuality #humor #humour

I can’t stay. I have to go train for a while. You can come with me if you want.” He kisses my nose as I laugh up at him. “Honey, I don’t run. If you ever see me running, you’d better start running too ‘cause that means that something is chasing me. ↗

— Kristen Proby

#funny #with-me-series #funny

THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor #sex #humor

Unwed white girls who became pregnant in the postwar years were considered psychologically disturbed but treatable, whereas their black counterparts were presumed to be biologically hypersexual and deviant. Historian Rickie Solinger demonstrates that in the 1950s an unwed white girl who became pregnant could go to a maternity home before her pregnancy showed, deliver the baby and give it up for adoption, and return home to her community with no one the wiser. (White parents concocted stories of their daughters being given the opportunity to study for a semester with relatives.) She could then resume the role of the "nice" girl. Unwed pregnant black girls, on the other hand, were barred from maternity homes; they were threatened with jail or termination of welfare; and they were accused of using their sexuality in order to be eligible for larger welfare checks. Politicians regarded unwed pregnant black girls as a societal problem, declaring--as they continue to declare today--that they did not want taxpayers to support black illegitimate babies, and sought to control black female sexuality through sterilization legislation. ↗

— Leora Tanenbaum

#double-standard #history #politics #racism #segregation

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. ↗

— Mae West

#sex #humor

Lanith? Don’t bewitch the Church boys. Their disappointment is a mess to untangle when they follow you home. ↗

— Lita Burke

#fantasy #sex-appeal #women #home