#surreal

Orafoura paid me in pajamas, and I let him because the pajamas matched his plaid mustache.
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— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #mustache #orafoura #pajamas

I don’t think anybody’s ever written a song called, “There’s urine on the couch, and the remote control is in the shower.” I would write it myself, but I’ve never been very good at writing love ballads. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love-ballad #shower #song #strange

Salmon swim against my stream of consciousness. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#salmon #surreal #change

A brick could be used for a calf muscle implant for a bodybuilder who wants a competitive edge.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used as a laxative. You know, “Shit a brick.”
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick is something solid, stable, and yet edgy. In other words, it’s everything a politician isn’t.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used to silence your critics. Well, unless all your critics are mutes.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

You can build with brick, and you can also destroy with a brick.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used to help America make money. Trust me, this is smarter than letting a central bank like the Federal Reserve make all the money.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used as a trophy, and when you get yours, believe me, you’ll have earned it.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny