#tea

Going to jail is the failure of the individual to realize his limitations as a criminal. Recidivism is the failure of his friends to compensate for those limitations as a team. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #jail #prison #redicivism

He's not doing anything he shouldn't be doing, right?" "Like what?" "Like hitting on you." "Ew. No, of course not. He doesn't see me that way." Michael shook his head and went back to his coffee. "What? You think he does?" "Sometimes he looks at you a little... oddly, that's all. Maybe you're right. Maybe he just wants you for your blood." "Again, Ew! What's with you this morning?" "Not enough coffee. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #ghost-town #humor #michael-glass #morganville-vampires

The Packers have lots of owners nobody knows instead of one owner who doesn't know squat. ↗

— Jim McMahon

#know #knows #lots #nobody #owner

I am tempted to incapacitate him with the hemlock and then castrate him.” Lena paled. “I don’t think that would be very wise,” she said. “And the only knife we own is what I use for the cooking. You’re not using that.” “I was planning on using a spoon,” Honoria replied. ↗

— Bec McMaster

#steampunk #wicked #humor

Mr. Klamp laid down the law. No tardiness, no talking above 40 decibels, no untied shoelaces, no visible undergarments, no eating, no chewing gum, no chewing tobacco, no chewing betel nuts, no chewing coca leaves, no chewing out students (unless Mr. Klamp was doing the chewing out), no chewing out teachers (unless ditto), no unnecessary displays of temper (unless ditto), no unnecessary displays of affection (no exceptions), no pets over one ounce or under one ton, and no singing, except in Bulgarian. I began to think Mr Klamp wouldn't be so bad... ↗

— Polly Shulman

#humor #rules #school #students #teachers

Discipline, Norah. If you're going to taunt them, remember to stick out your tongue. ↗

— James A. Owen

#teasing #humor

My grandmother was a teacher, my sister was a teacher, my daughter was a teacher and is now a superintendent in northern California, and my son-in-law is a high school principal. I am surrounded. ↗

— Loni Anderson

#california #daughter #grandmother #high #high school

History has spurts and then is steady, and then maybe even backing up a step, and then forward again. ↗

— Alan Bean

#backing #even #forward #history #maybe

Better to have to retrace your steps and then move forward than never to move forward at all. ↗

— Anne Burack Sayre

#birthday #children-s #delightful #elementary-school #funny

Sorrow is humbling. I want my pain to be fabulous. I don't need my pain to be worse than anyone else's; I just want it to be strangely, uniquely mine. Art to someone else's breakdown. — Thea Hillman, "Dear Kath After" from the anthology Pills, Thrills, Chills, and Heartache ↗

— Clint Catalyst

#humility #michelle-tea #pain #sorrow #thea-hillman