#th

Every comedian dreams of hosting 'The Tonight Show' and, for seven months, I got to. I did it my way, with people I love, and I do not regret a second. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#did #dreams #every #got #hosting

In New York, we had primary elections for mayor. To improve their chances, all five candidates changed their name to Rudy Giuliani. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#chances #changed #elections #five #had

It's a good thing I was born in this century, when superfluous television seems to be part of the economy. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#born #century #economy #good #good thing

John Travolta said he sometimes lets his friends take control of his airplane even though they don't know what they're doing. Then Travolta said he often does the same thing with his career. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#career #control #does #doing #even

Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn't eligible for another fifteen years. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#because #caused #controversy #eligible #fame

There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#few #few things #having #liberating #life

Officials at the White House are saying that President Bush hasn't changed his schedule much since the war started. The main difference, they say, is that he's started watching the news and taping Sponge Bob. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#bush #changed #difference #hasn #his

Several hard-core Star Wars fans who had tickets for the first showing actually said that when the movie finally began, they started crying. Mainly because they realized that it's 22 years later, and they still haven't lost their virginity. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#because #began #crying #fans #finally

The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?' ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#being funny #funny #life #nightmare #parties

The U.S. army confirmed that it gave a lucrative fire fighting contract in Iraq to the firm once run by the Vice President Dick Cheney without any competitive bidding. When asked if this could be conceived as Cheney's friends profiting from the war, the spokesman said 'Yes.' ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#army #asked #bidding #cheney #competitive