#u

Truth is a troublesome motherfucker unless it's handled properly ↗

— Patrick Rothfuss

#sad-but-true #humor

Are you ever going home?" "What, bored with my company already?" "Let me ask you something," Simon said. "do you find me fascinating to be around?" "What was that?" Jace said. "Sorry, i think I fell asleep for a moment. Do, continue with whatever mesmerizing thing you were saying. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

Do you know what constitutes a great poet? He is a person without shame, incapable of blushing. Ordinary fools have moments when they go off by themselves and blush with shame; not so the great poet.... If you really have to quote someone, quote a geographer; that way you won't give yourself away. (p 44) ↗

— Knut Hamsun

#humor

You are quite possibly the least smooth guy I know,” she mumbled. “You can’t even put your arm around me without tripping up. ↗

— Lish McBride

#sarcasm #sex #smooth #humor

Hey, this is terrific!" he said. "Someone down there is trying to kill us!" "Terrific," said Arthur. "But don't you see what this means?" "Yes. We are going to die." "Yes, but apart from that." "Apart from that?!" "It means we must be on to something!" "How soon can we get off it? ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor

Although it is pleasant to think about poison at any season, there is something special about Christmas, and I found myself grinning. ↗

— Alan Bradley

#holidays #humor #poison #humor

Is that the only way?" Tom asked her. "Vik and I tried net-sending with a thought interface during Programming once, but I couldn't concentrate on just one thing at a time." Vik nodded. "His programming questions were always like, 'Vik, how do steak boobs function? ↗

— S.J. Kincaid

#humor

Struck by lightning! Struck by lightning! ↗

— J.R.R. Tolkien

#humor #lightning #humor

Dear God, that man has a magnificent body.' ............. 'It’s like having a cupcake thrust in front of your face and not being allowed to have a lick of the icing. ↗

— J.L. McCoy

#lust #vampire #humor

You know...acting like a dick...won't make yours any bigger. ↗

— J.L. McCoy

#vampire #humor