#u

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? ↗

— Abraham Lincoln

#wearing #were #would

So my one kid's 4, my other kid's 4 months, I'm 44, Barack Obama is the 44th president - it's all lining up nicely here. ↗

— Eddie Vedder

#barack obama #here #i #kid #lining

After a month or so in St. Louis, we were looking around desperately for a way to draw a few people into the ball park, it being perfectly clear by that time that the ball club wasn't going to do it unaided. ↗

— Bill Veeck

#around #ball #ball club #being #clear

To be is to do - Socrates To do is to be - Sartre Do Be Do Be Do - Sinatra ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#humor

The only difference between Hitler and Bush is that Hitler was elected. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#politics #humor

I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#drunken-behaviour #humor #humor

I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor #individuality #retort #humor

If you drink much from a bottle marked 'poison' it is certain to disagree with you sooner or later. ↗

— Lewis Carroll

#humor #humor

Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent. ↗

— Mark Twain

#fallibility #humor #sin #humor

You looove me. (holds out arms) You love me this much. ↗

— James Patterson

#humor #love #love-struck #max #maxride