#u

Then they both smiled the exact same smile. Narcissism times two. Oh, get a room already. ↗

— Devon Monk

#humor

Go to her," Grimalkin said, backing away. "Wake her up. I will attempt to rouse Goodfellow once more. Perhaps he will waken if claws are applied in a strategically important area... ↗

— Paul Adams

#grimalkin #humor #humor

In Wilson's scale of evaluations breakfast rated just after life itself and ahead of the chance of immortality. ↗

— Robert A. Heinlein

#humorous #humor

I don’t trust people with empty-stomach breath to tell me what taste is. ↗

— Tracie Egan

#humor

If you are able to introduce a white person to a new cheese, it's like introducing them to a future spouse. ↗

— Christian Lander

#food #humor #white-people #food

A long time ago someone became disillusioned with theism, so he tacked a definite article onto it and created a new religion. People have been referring to it a lot since then, but it hasn’t become any more familiar. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #humor #funny

Deven tilted his head again, set down his glass, and said, "Any fight between us, my Lady, will be short and unpleasant." "Just like you." Miranda bit back. Silence. Then Deven laughed. Miranda didn't, but she felt the tension in the air dispel and sat back with her wineglass. "I like her," Deven told David. "She's bright and fearless, just like they say. Give her fifty years and she'll be a force of nature. ↗

— Dianne Sylvan

#humor

If you want to dance the dance then you better learn the steps, the world has enough pretenders. If you want to practice sex then you better find a partner, and to love you must surrender. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#life-and-living #love #relationship #romantic #humor

Raw toast," Lucas said grimly, shaking his head. "It goes against the very nature of man. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#toast #humor

Stashia: I don't know what I'd do without you Finn: You'd probably have a broken leg ↗

— Kristen Day

#humor