#u

When I die of heart failure the next time you frighten me like that, you can put that on my gravestone —‘I didn’t mean to startle her ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#epitaph #humor #masques #humor

I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that's too adorable, I'd rather have money. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#humor

I've never created a riot before. I did cause a brawl at the last formal. A large number of young women there actually arrived with the expectation of seducing me into matrimony, and a couple of their mothers came to blows. It was hilari—I mean, dreadful. Simply dreadful. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor #humor

When something needs to be said, you look for a man to say it. But when something needs actually to be done, you look for a woman. ↗

— P.B. Kerr

#men #women #humor

If there is one thing I dislike, it is the man who tries to air his grievances when I wish to air mine. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#selfishness #humor

We'd spent maybe ten minutes together, during which time I'd accidentally swung a sword at her, she'd saved my life, and I'd run away chased by a band of supernatural killing machines. You know, your typical chance meeting. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

I let out a laugh that sounded more like the yip of a startled poodle. "Superp-powers? I wish. My powers aren't winning me a slot on the Cartoon Network anytime soon... except as a comic relief. Ghost Whisperer Junior. Or Ghost Screamer, more like it. Tune in, every week, as Chloe Saunders runs screaming from yet another ghost looking for her help." Okay, superpower might be pushing it. ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#humor #powers #humor

Exactly!" said Deep Thought. "So once you do know what the question actually is, you'll know what the answer means. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor #life #meaning #question #humor

Yes, we'll yell, 'Help, help us, goose girl, and bring the terrifying legion of warrior geese'. ↗

— Shannon Hale

#humor #isi #sarcasm #humor

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor