#um

What was that?” I croaked. Akhol sidestepped into my view and towered over us. “It was a Demon.” “But you said—” “I know what I said,” Akhol cut in sharply, rubbing his eyes. “There was something wrong with it. Like the Demon had adapted to the darkness and water.” I shivered. “Did he have a ring that he called ‘my precious’?” I joked to try and lighten the mood. I didn’t get a good look at the Demon, but my mind had no problems picturing Gollum. They stared at me blankly. ↗

— Laura Kreitzer

#joke #timeless-series #funny

Are you sure this is a good idea?’ I ask. ‘No,’ says Amber. ‘Let’s do it. ↗

— Doug MacLeod

#humour #funny

Our eyes met from across the street. She was wrapped in the Earth’s mantle; I was shrouded in the cloak of heaven. Together our indecent exposure echoed through the air. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #indecent-exposure #random #funny

If a gorgeous woman hits on me right off the bat, I’m suspicious. I wonder what she wants. If she hasn’t heard my wit, felt my charm, how could I appeal to her? I’m no Brad Pitt. So what is she after? Most likely it’s my horse cock. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #women #funny

He looked at her defiantly, and she thought: and so one at a time we all become human—human werewolves, human dwarfs, human trolls …the melting pot melts in one direction only, and so we make progress. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #progress #funny

Even though I know my own name (barely), I still sometimes write my name wrong. Usually it only happens when I write in cursive and am endorsing checks for money I can’t recall earning. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #stealing #funny

You mustn't let men drive you to mangling the English language, no matter how sweet they are. ↗

— Marisa de los Santos

#real-life #funny

Wow,” she said. “Do you realise how wonderful you sound?” “Yes, I do,” he said with a firm nod. “And I think I’m underappreciated. ↗

— Robyn Carr

#cute #funny #humour #romance #romantic

Amy Curry," I could still hear him intoning, "never end a sentence with a preposition!" Irked that after six years he was still mentally correcting me, I told the Mr. Collins in my head to off fuck. ↗

— Morgan Matson

#funny #humor #funny

There is a funny story I always tell my students...when I came for the first time to the US. I didn’t speak English (Only Spanish) & I saw on every door the word “exit” which in Spanish means Success = Exito. And then I said :”No wonder Americans are winners ,every door they take leads to success” ~smile :) ↗

— Pablo

#funny #humor #opportunity #success #funny