#us

Coach," Annabeth said, "it was an accident. We were talking, and we fell asleep." "Besides," Percy said, "you're starting to sound like Terminus." Hedge narrowed his eyes. "Is that an insult, Jackson? 'Cause I'll-I'll Terminus you, buddy! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #lol #percy-i-love-you-bye #roman #terminus

Have voluptuousness for an appetizer and bulimia for dessert. Then you can glut yourself on love without getting full.   ↗

— Bauvard

#feasting #funny #humor #love #voluptuousness

I know that man started animal husbandry thousands of years ago, and I think it’s disgusting. Men and animals should never be allowed to marry. Or have sex. And maybe not even engage in necking, unless it’s a man and a giraffe. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#disgusting #funny #marriage #funny

I only know I was born on March 5th because someone told me. I don’t remember myself. So it’s fact based on secondhand information and trust. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #trust #funny

They came out in a dim, damp basement - a generic sort of place, full of moulding boxes. 'You take me to the nicest places,' Claire said, and sneezed. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#claire-danvers #funny #humor #myrnin #rachel-caine

He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#funny-but-true #humor #humorous #humorous-quotes #funny

Excellent,” said Lupin, looking up as Tonks and Harry entered. “We’ve got about a minute, I think. We should probably get out into the garden so we’re ready. Harry, I’ve left a letter telling your aunt and uncle not to worry —” “They won’t,” said Harry. “That you’re safe —” “That’ll just depress them.” “— and you’ll see them next summer.” “Do I have to? ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#funny-quotes #remus-lupin #funny

He’d done it like he did everything else—with passion and total disregard for how much it might embarrass her. ↗

— Kaylea Cross

#humour #romance #romantic-suspense #funny

Nathan, how can you stand playing the same piece over and over again?" And Grandpa Nate answered, "Why don't you ask me how I can stand making love to the same woman over and over again? ↗

— E.L. Konigsburg

#humor #music #sex #funny

I am not sure if women are attracted to genius. Can you imagine the wise wizard winning the woman over the gallant swordsman? It seems rather otherworldly in more ways than one. ↗

— Criss Jami

#attraction #fantasy #funny #funny-but-true #gallant