#us

Even I, as sick as I am, I would never be you. Even I, sick and depraved, a traveler to the grave, I would never be you. ↗

— Morrissey

#lyrics #music #humor

Jack didn’t fully get Jesus. Audrey tried to explain it, and he could repeat it back to her, word for word, but he still didn’t comprehend most of it. The best he could gather was that Jesus lived long ago, told people to be nice, and they killed him for it. At the end, he asked who was Jesus’ necromancer and if he was in the Bible, then Kaldar couldn’t stop laughing and had to sit down. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor #jesus #joke #necromancer #religion

If you talk bad about country music, it's like saying bad things about my momma. Them's fightin' words ↗

— Dolly Parton

#humor #music #humor

I can’t believe how much this place has grown,” Hazel muttered. The taxi driver grinned in the rearview mirror. “Been a long time since you visited, miss?” “About seventy years,” Hazel said. The driver slid the glass partition closed and drove on in silence. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians #taxi-driver #the-heroes-of-olympus #the-son-of-neptune

Kope!” the other guy yeled. “What the frick?! You got some cheetah blood in you or what?”“Seriously!” insisted Blake. “How did you run so fast?” “I am African.” Without taking his eyes from mine, Kopano eased himself off me, and I sat up. ↗

— Wendy Higgins

#humor

Don't think, just do. ↗

— Horace

#think

It was the living who ignored the strange and wonderful, because life was too full of the boring and mundane. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#inspirational #life #humor

It's the same with spirit guises; show me a sweet little choirboy or a smiling mother and I'll show you the hideous fanged strigoi it really is. (Not always. Just sometimes. *Your* mother is absolutely fine, for instance. Probably.) ↗

— Jonathan Stroud

#humor #stroud #humor

She had been a teenager once, and she knew that, despite the apparent contradictions, a person's teenage years lasted well into their fifties. ↗

— Derek Landy

#humor #humorous #immaturity #teenagers #teens

Everytime I read 'Pride and Prejudice' I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone. ↗

— Mark Twain

#humor #jane-austen #humor