#us

Magnus raised his hands above his head and clapped once. The room flooded with light. "You see? You think that would be possible without magic? "Actually," replied Simon, "It is. If you watched infomercials you'd know that. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#magic #magnus-bane #funny

That's your truck parked up by the factory isn't it?" Magnus pointed. "It's awfully butch for a bookseller. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#city-of-ashes #funny #magnus-bane #funny

I want my relationship with my girlfriend to be built on trust, not toothpicks, rubber bands, and lentil beans. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#relationship #trust #funny

I was a militant smoker, and in my case, I think I particularly used smoking because what I felt was a kind of politically correct big brother assault on smoking. ↗

— Joe Eszterhas

#because #big #big brother #brother #case

Once we get into the groove, we're kind of like long-distance runners - that adrenalin kicks in for me and I just keep running - and I don't stop! ↗

— Keith Urban

#get #groove #i #into #just

If you can't make ends meet, meet them in the middle instead ↗

— Benny Bellamacina

#humor #life #quotations #quotes #humor

I want the US government to dispense with all the “red tape,” and start using Caution tape. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#caution-tape #funny #government #red-tape #us-government

Her name badge read: Hello! My name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#funny #hilarious #humor #laugh-out-loud #name-badge

If there is such a thing as a good marriage, it is because it resembles friendship rather than love. ↗

— Michel de Montaigne

#because #friendship #good #good marriage #love

I made a nap this afternoon. I made it out of two pillows, a bed, a sheet, a blanket, and exhaustion. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #sleep #funny