#w

Well, in the first place girls never marry the men they flirt with. Girls don't think it right. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor #marriage #women #humor

It's impossible to walk through solid rock... You have to walk between the molecules that make up the rock. ↗

— J.M. Dattilo

#humor #life #philosophy #reality #science-fiction

He found Luciana sitting alone at a table in the Allied officers' night club, where the drunken Anzac major who had brought her there had been stupid enough to desert her for the ribald company of some singing comrades at the bar. "All right, I'll dance with you," she said, before Yossarian could even speak. "But I won't let you sleep with me." "Who asked you?" Yossarian asked her. "You don't want to sleep with me?" she exclaimed with surprise. "I don't want to dance with you. ↗

— Joseph Heller

#sex #women #humor

Some people call me sick and twisted. I feel that I'm neither; I am instead a Romantic. ↗

— Kenzie Western

#romanticism #sick-humor #twisted #humor

In Life, you need to know the difference between what you think is right and what you know is right. ↗

— Rea Erika Paraz Ebate

#humor #life #wisdom #wise-sayings #humor

I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come home." Groucho Marx was never one to pass up an opportunity for a play on words and this occurs in his dialogue of the 1933 film Duck Soup: ↗

— Groucho Marx

#humor #humor

This was a lucky recollection -- it saved her from something like regret. ↗

— Jane Austen

#literary #wit #humor

Waitress: "And to drink?" Artemis: "Spring water. Irish, if you have it. And no ice, please. As your ice is no doubt made from tap water, which rather defeats the purpose of spring water. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#humor

My hobby is extreme Catholic behavior -- BEFORE the Reformation. ↗

— John Waters

#catholic #eccentric #extreme #humor #john-waters

...I just pulled a pretty big job and needed to hide out for awhile." "...Where's all the loot?" "That, as my cousin Nord would say, is where my improvised lie falls apart." Artemis put two and two together and arrived at a very unpleasant four. "You were here to rob me!" "No, I wasn't. How dare you?! ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#humor #mulch #theif #humor