#witty

I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #funny-quotes #gloves #holding-hands #humor

Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no difference in the world. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny-quotes #humor-quotes #inspirational #iving #making-a-difference

If sex were shoes, I'd wear you out. But I wouldn't wear you out in public. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny-quotes #humor #humor-quotes #sex #sexual-stamina

Love is what you make it. Unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#doctor #funny #funny-quotes #humor #humor-quotes

So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I’m a great multitasker. ↗

— Holly Hood

#paranormal-series #true-love #witty #funny

First rule of thievery,' Eli said, grinning, 'only run if you're not coming back.' (...) 'First rule of thievery, never use the same entrance twice.' Miranda rolled her eyes. 'How many 'first rules' of thievery do you have?' 'When one mistake can mean your head on a pike, every rule's a first rule,' Eli said cheerfully. ↗

— Rachel Aaron

#humor #rules-to-live-by #witty #funny

But I'm a selfish man. I've wanted you since you fell into my office. You are exquisite, honest, warm, strong, witty, beguilingly innocent; the list is endless. I'm in awe of you. I want you, and the thought of anyone else having you is like a knife twisting in my dark soul. ↗

— E.L. James

#fifty-shades #witty

Pretending to care what men think is an art. It takes moments to learn, but lifetimes to master. I’d like to believe I’m an expert. ↗

— Dennis Sharpe

#true #vampire #veronica #witty #art

The guy's life drunk, I think, makes Candide look like a sourpuss. Does he even know that death exists? ↗

— Jandy Nelson

#lennie-walker #witty #death

Instead of a Lemonade Stand, I should open up a “You know what I can’t stand?” Stand. I’ll sell rants in small, medium, and large.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#drink #drinking #entrepreneur #entrepreneurship #funny