#y

Not saving you from this storm, mutant,” he said. “Saving you for your later fate, we are.” His voice was weirdly inflected and metallic, like an automated answering machine. “Oh, good. Yoda captured us,” Fang whispered. ↗

— James Patterson

#lol #machine #mutant #robot #star-wars

Love is relentless, and so am I ;) ↗

— Keisha Keenleyside

#funny-quotes #happy-quotes #humour-quote #love-quotes #quotes

Everybody just lets the media do their thinking for them... that's why you'll never hear any reggae on the radio! ↗

— Daniel Clowes

#funny

One nation, under God, with consciousness – the practical man serves the highest abstraction with juggling training. ↗

— Bauvard

#consciousness #funny #god #humor #juggling

And I was all, "Don't be gross, you crustacious fuck. You pull that thing out and I'll pepper-spray you until you fry." (You have to be stern with weenie waggers--I've been exposed to on the bus over seventeen times, so I know.) ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humorous #funny

Razor appeared on his shoulder with a buzzing laugh. "Stupid goblins," he crowed, bouncing up and down, making Kierran sigh. "Funny, stupid goblins think master is funny elf. Ha!" He buzzed once more and sat down, grinning like a psychotic piranha. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#kierran #psychotic-piranha #razor #funny

Tawny shrugged. "I was overreacting. Typical big sister move. He explained why he did it, and it makes sense, in a slightly twisted way. He's not a bad guy. He's just a jerk. But a nice one." "That doesn't make any sense." "Men rarely do. ↗

— Chelsea M. Cameron

#funny #hunter-zaccadelli #my-favorite-mistake #tawny-caldwell #taylor-and-tawny

Matthew Watkins: I need an afternoon pick-me-up. I accept cash and/or prizes that can be exchanged for cash. Also, hobbits. ↗

— Jessica Park

#funny

“Fuck! ” I shouted and everyone at the espresso counter looked over at us. “Half a million dollars?” Lee dropped his foot and turned to me. “Roxie, calm down.” “Half a million dollars and he bought me cheese puffs and took me to that sleaze bag motel? I’m gonna fucking kill that motherfucker!” I yelled. “Roxie –” I slammed my fists on my knees. “The least he could have done was bind my wrists with VELVET ROPE. He sure could have afforded it. Stupid jerk. ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#funny

That’s what love’s all about, Roxanne. You love someone, you trust them always to tel you the truth. ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#funny