#y

Tomorrow I was supposed to have a meeting with a salesperson, who happened to be Orafoura. But something came up, so I called him and said, “I’m sorry to tell you this, but I have to cancel tomorrow.” To which he replied, “Cancel tomorrow! Who do you think you are, God? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#god #humor #orafoura #sales #funny

What I'm mostly good at is sleeping, he once told me in confidence, but he added, I don't see much future in it. ↗

— Brian Andreas

#sleeping #story-people #humor

Art is what gets us beyond what is real. It makes reality more real. It also shortens the distance we gotta travel to see how connected we are. ↗

— Laura Pritchett

#bridge #laura-pritchett #love #sky #art

Imagine this guy hits Mike Hammer over the head with a wooden coathanger and knocks him out. You hit Mike Hammer over the head with a wooden coathanger, he'll beat the crap out of you. ↗

— Mickey Spillane

#crap #guy #hammer #head #him

Get up, you useless lump, get up! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #j-k-rowling #humor

I knew you were crazy, but I didn't realize that you were out of your goddamned mind!! ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #humor

The art of living has no history: it does not evolve: the pleasure which vanishes vanishes for good, there is no substitute for it. Other pleasures come, which replace nothing. No progress in pleasures, nothing but mutations. ↗

— Roland Barthes

#mutability #pleasure #art

Needy people are like newborns, I have come to realize. One intoxicated night and BAM! You are stuck with this problem. You finally take it home and it wants to keep you up all night and cries when it isn’t sucking on various parts of your anatomy. It wants you there for everything – rocking, feeding, burping, changing... It’s ridiculous. If I wanted a kid I would have one. Until then, grow the hell up and stand on your own two feet, you little crazy. ↗

— Chase Brooks

#drunk #humor #needy #relationships #change

Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#spontaneity #surprise #humor

When he woke, daylight was coming through the glass floor, and a boy's voice said, "Oh...You are in so much trouble. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#funny