#y

Look, let me just say it: He was hot. A nonhot boy stares at you relentlessly and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a form of assault. But a hot boy . . . well. ↗

— John Green

#humor #humor

Don't look at me in that tone of voice. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#humor #wordplay #humor

So my one kid's 4, my other kid's 4 months, I'm 44, Barack Obama is the 44th president - it's all lining up nicely here. ↗

— Eddie Vedder

#barack obama #here #i #kid #lining

After a month or so in St. Louis, we were looking around desperately for a way to draw a few people into the ball park, it being perfectly clear by that time that the ball club wasn't going to do it unaided. ↗

— Bill Veeck

#around #ball #ball club #being #clear

I was in the game for love. After all, where else can an old-timer with one leg, who can't hear or see, live like a king while doing the only thing I wanted to do? ↗

— Bill Veeck

#doing #else #game #hear #i

I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor #individuality #retort #humor

Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent. ↗

— Mark Twain

#fallibility #humor #sin #humor

Marriage is an honorable estate and should not be used simply as an excuse for legal intercourse. ↗

— Jasper Fforde

#witty #humor

Hey," said Shadow. "Huginn or Muninn, or whoever you are." The bird turned, head tipped, suspiciously, on one side, and it stared at him with bright eyes. "Say 'Nevermore,'" said Shadow. "Fuck you," said the raven. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#humor #nevermore #parody #poe #raven

Boys. I'd turn gay if they weren't so sexy. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#humor #humor