#y

No,” said Hermione shortly. “Have either of you seen my copy of Numerology and Gramatica?” “Oh, yeah, I borrowed it for a bit of bedtime reading,” said Ron, but very quietly. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#hermione-granger #humor #out-of-character #quips #ron-weasley

I feel like I might start crying and that I'm going to cry pee. ↗

— John Green

#humor #leaving #paper-towns #pee #young-adult

Kenzie took two staggering steps backward, staring at the feeline as if in a daze. "O-kay," she breathed, shaking her head slightly. "A cat. A cat that talks. I'm going crazy." she glanced at me. " Or you slipped something into my drink at the tournament. One or the other. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#ethan-chase #grimalkin #humor #kenzie-st-james #humor

A brick could be dropped on your mother-in-law’s head from the height of 66.6 feet. You know, as a going away present. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

Yeah, I write Urban Fantasy, but its more like Die Hard or Indiana Jones with Fairies, Mummies and a Vampire who uses guns more than his teeth. ↗

— Kevin James Breaux

#humor #urban-fantasy #humor

The verse is supposed to get you hard so the chorus can suck you off. ↗

— M. Thomas Gammarino

#humor #metaphor #music #humor

He caught me stealing his golden phoenix.' Tithonus closed his eyes briefly. 'Good grief!' He opened them again. 'I was half hoping it wasn't true. Have you any idea of the implications?' 'He was mistreating it!' Pyrgus protested. 'Of course he was mistreating it. This is Black Hairstreak we're talking about. He mistreats his own mother. I don't suppose you stole her as well? ↗

— Herbie Brennan

#phoenix #pyrgus #tithonus #humor

Even Cronus, the Titan who literally had his kids for breakfast, would find these facts hard to swallow. ↗

— Tai Odunsi

#greek-mythology #humor #mythology #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians #humor

Jesus "...It sounds like these guys would be filed under Assholes Who do Evil Shit in My Name. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#irony #understatements #humor

Actually it was the mark of the stupid, which is what you get for sitting under a tree during a thunderstorm. ↗

— Carl Hiaasen

#stupidity #humor