#y

Webster said, ''Time them skeeters get done with that old man, his French blood will be all gone and he will speak American as good as we do. ↗

— Peter Matthiessen

#humorous #funny

Communism destroys democracy. Democracy can also destroy Communism. ↗

— Andre Malraux

#communism #democracy #destroy #destroys

Funny how nobody talks on the tubes, isn't it? I rarely catch the tube myself, or lifts. Confined spaces, everybody shuts down. Why is that? Perhaps we think everybody on the tube is a potential psychopath or a drunk,so we close down and pretend to read a book or something. ↗

— John Hannah

#observation #people #public #sliding-doors #society

When it comes to being famous, you’re usually the last to know, and the first to deny it. Unless you were already famous in your head. In which case, party on, Wayne! Party on, Garth! ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#funny-humor #humor #humorous #funny

There may be a sucker born every minute, but every 30 seconds a lollipop pops out.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

The porpoises and whale themselves, in their quests for entertainment, often created problems. One summer a fashion developed in the training tanks (I think Keiki started it) for leaning out over the tank wall and seeing how far you could balance without falling out. Several animals might be teetering on the tank edge at one time, and sometimes one or another did fall out. Nothing much happened to them, except maybe a cut or a scrape from the gravel around the tanks; but of course we had to run and pick them up and put them back in. Not a serious problem, if the animal that fell out was small, but if it was a 400-pound adult bottlenose, you had to find four strong people to get him back, and when it happened over and over again, the people got cross. We feared too, that some animal would fall out at night or when no one was around and dry out, overheat, and die. We yelled at the porpoises, and rushed over and pushed them back in when we saw them teetering, but that just seemed to add to the enjoyment of what I'm sure the porpoises thoguht of as a hilariously funny game. Fortunately they eventually tired of it by themselves. ↗

— Karen Pryor

#dolphin #funny

I was of course discussing the book of Leviticus. I don't know why your mind is so filthy these days, Bingley. ↗

— Marsha Altman

#funny #mr-darcy #funny

The grass isn't greener on the other side unless you look over the fence ↗

— Mr. Earl

#funny

Please ta meetcha, kid. I'm Aahz." "Oz?" "No Relation." "No relation to what?" I asked, but he was examining the room again. ↗

— Robert Lynn Asprin

#funny

That’s funny. You would think after being followed and shoved into a dark alley by a stranger, you would be at least a little shaken. Don’t tell me, you are a black belt just waiting for the perfect moment to strike.” He laughed soundlessly. “I mean your words do sound brave but your eyes and the fact that you’re trembling like a scared little kitten say something else entirely.” Even though the alley was submerged in darkness and shadows, it was obvious there was a devilish grin stretched across his face... ↗

— Nicole Rae

#clandestine #scary-humor #slayer #supernatural #vampire