Disabled Confessions

I was a good person. I helped many people. I literally saved lives. But I failed my wife and children. I failed because I’m disabled and have a terrible disease. As a child my parents hated me for being disabled. So they gave me away. I was broken thru horrible things done to me. I cannot fix myself. I am lost. But I will still try to help those I love as I fade away. I can’t beat an unbeatable disease forever. Tried to give all I had. It just wasn’t enough. Love is not enough. Life isn’t a movie with happy endings.

#tired   #defeated   #disease   #disabled   #disabilty  

I think if I could I would trade my daughter for another child. My daughter is disabled, not mentally, but she's in a wheelchair and she can only use her left arm which means so always needs help with everything. It's kinda stressful and exhausting to be there for her 24/7. 

I sometimes wish my child would be normal like every other child. She needs help in the morning to get out of bed because she cannot get up herself. She needs help in the bathroom, on the toilet. She needs someone to prepare her food. She needs someone to drive her to school. I have to pick her up after school, I have to help her do her homework..... the list goes on and on and on...I just want to have my normal life back. I couldn't sleep in in over 10 years!!! I confess that I sometimes wish my daughter wasn't born

#daughter   #mother   #confession   #badmom   #wtf   #disabled   #wheelchair   #horrible   #feeling   #bad  

My new roommate is a horrible person. I’m disabled. They took two parking places. I now have to walk a long distance with my groceries. And up a steep climb. They are healthy.
I keep waking up freezing. They are overweight. We used keep heat at 72. Changed to 71 for them. But they keep turn it off after we old people goto bed early. I wake up & its 62 or so in house.
I have bad allergies. They have lots of pets. Indoor; 4 large dogs that bark off & on all night in house. A bunch of cats. A small pig. In cages: rabbits & gerbils.
Outdoor: goats & chickens. This roommate is probably related to owner. Not sure. Rent all I can afford. I like the person; but I’m disabled, they are going to cause me to die this winter at this rate. I have no health care. But am disabled with severe disease.
I’m so tired of barely eating & getting sick. I’d just give up; but have kids who may need me one day.

#poverty   #disabled  

I'm truly and honestly afraid of disabled persons. No matter if mentally disabled or physically.
Even if I try to talk myself into believing that they it's not their fault, it just creeps me out. I was in an elevator with one once and I almost started crying, I even hyperventilated and almost passed out.
I avoid this topic and everything that has to do with it.

#disabled   #person   #mentally   #physically   #creep   #elevator   #scared  

I take the bus to work. And almost each day I see this mother with her older daugher, who is sitting in a wheelchair. The girl is completey spaced out and you immediately notice that this girl cannot do anything on her own. But I do not pity her or her mother. Secretly, I am almost repelled by them. The unpleasant smell of the kid is unbearable and even worse in such a convined space as the bus. She doesn't smell like shit, or urine or something.. more like a person who was bedridden for a long time and not able to wash themselves. Like she hasn't showered in a week or two, always greasy hair and stained clothes.
I get nauseous only thinking about it.
I know, daily life with a child who needs to be cared for 24/7 is not easy. But that just can't be it, can it?! Especially as the girl cannot take care of herself, shouldn't it be obvious to at least maintain a good body hygiene? I don't think that the girl would approve of that either...
I am really sorry that I also resent the child, even though I know she can't to anything about it... But that is just how I feel.

#disabled   #wheelchair   #bus   #family   #resentment   #disgust   #hygiene   #smell   #unwashed  

I'm almost deaf, so I hear very badly but I don't want anyone to know because they would certainly treat me different and I don't want to be treated like a disabled person. Not even my parents know whats going on.

#deaf   #hear   #ears   #disabled   #person   #confession   #lie