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I get mad easily at people I feel really bad it hurts them and me
I feel lost. A year ago I was in the hospital from dka and I was in a coma for almost two weeks. My previous ex saved me from dying but also left me because of me being sick. I've always been depressed and I've always been okay with the idea of dying deep down inside. I try to push it off and try to bury myself in other people's problems so I can help them and I even help others out of depression but I can't help myself. I'm with someone very special to me but I still feel like I'm just not suppose to exist. I can't fight the feeling that I'm holding everyone back and I'm just getting in the way and that my condition is just making people feel sorry for me. I have a problem with accepting that people love me because I just can't love myself. I can't shake the feeling of needing to be gone. I can't shake feeling like no one should have saved me when I almost died. Like they should have been late and that I should have died. I just want everyone to be happy because I just can't be. I'm tearing people apart and pushing people away because I feel like I'm hurting people and I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. Why do I feel so alone when I have someone who cherishes me more then anything in the world. I don't understand why I'm like this. I can't understand why I wanna die so much but I do and I have no one I can say this to because if I do they will just call me crazy but am I so crazy to want everyone to be happy and not feel like I do? I want people to feel free to do what they want without worrying about sick me at home. I don't want to be a burden anymore even when they tell I'm not o still feel it. I know it inside that I'm just holding everyone back. That I'm hurting people like I hurt inside...I just don't wanna feel alone anymore. I don't trust myself or my thoughts alone anymore. I'm just broken....
I've been on this dating app for a while. And recently a guy called me boring and dumb. I insulted him back of course saying I didn't care but minutes later I began crying out of self pity because his words hit me where it hurt the most. For some time, I questioned my self worth and wondered if anyone would truly love me for me.
I think I still have feelings for my ex-boyfriend even though we've both moved onto someone else. He broke my heart. He made me laugh and made me happier than I think my current boyfriend does.
It may be harsh and I don't want to hurt someone's feelings but I guess the plane which went missing crashed, they are all dead. I don't understand why they are still looking for it, there are other, more important, things to do right now.
I met M in end of 2013 during my business trip, we are colleagues. Maybe due to our job nature, we were very close to each other and when she first knew I will be travelling to her place for business trip, she was as excited as I did. At first, it was just a normal meeting between two colleagues. I was there for more than two months and I must admit it was the best moment of my life ever. I learnt that she had to commute two hours just to go to office, I offered her to stay with me in the hotel which was just a 5 minutes walk away. She agreed and we became closer, we did everything together. Eventually I developed feelings for her and I was quite sure she had the same feeling for me too. We held hands everywhere we went and she was the one who always offered to hold mine. Every night before we slept, we will hug each other and she would want me to cuddle her to sleep and usually when I woke up she was cuddling me instead. She did have a boyfriend that time and honestly speaking I felt really guilty after I knew about it. From the beginning, she was denying having one but admitted eventually and they did have problems but she assured me those problems were there even before I came into her life. We called each other with intimate callings, like I call her "baby" and I'm being slightly chubby and cute (according to her), she called me "meaty". I always play the guy's role as I'm slightly tomboyish and protect and pamper her all the time, shower her with tonnes of gifts which she never asked for. She even openly admitted to other colleagues, we are very close and intimate. Fast forward, I came back to my country and she eventually broke up with her BF in April 2014 right before we went to an overseas trip together. That trip was memorable too because we were still very close to each other. Everything was OK after that, we still say "I love you" to each other all the time. However, I guess at one point of her life, she really wanted to lead a normal life. That's where she started to stop calling me "meaty" and those lovey dovey things no longer coming out from her mouth. She just treats me like her good friend. I still call her baby until today, she doesn't stop me from calling her that way. We still went for trips together after that, she still held my hands, or maybe just my pinky these days... We quarreled a lot after our first trip in April 2014, most of the time I blame her for not giving me enough attention. She wasn't happy and felt that I have interfered her life too much which deep in my heart, I admitted I did as I was afraid of losing her.
Despite those arguments, we just came back from our 3-week trip and it was my worst trip ever! It was all well at the beginning until suddenly a guy joined in our group and it was a love at first sight for him, quick enough they hooked up and now they are progressing to lovers stage! I was stunned because at first she told me she didn't like him but few days later, she admitted she has started to like him because this guy was so persistent and must get her no matter what, she was touched by his courage. I did sort of badmouthing this guy in front of her and she wasn't too happy about it. We argued a lot during this whole trip.
Now we are back from the trip, we had stopped talking to each other so much or to she has stopped replying my instant messages or only replies me very occasionally. I have never felt so depressed as much as now. All this while, I thought I was straight until I met her and I really think I'm a les now. She has indirectly controlling my mind and feelings. I don't know what to do now, she has started to avoid me now.
My girlfriend and I started dating at 19, we were together for a full year, then took a break. We took eachothers virginity when we dated. The reason we split up was just timing. But now at 21 we are back together. During our break, I dated a little, had a couple kisses but nothing serious or anything past a kiss. She had sex a few times. I noticed when we got back together during sex, it was just different. She was almost freakier and willing to try all types of positions. We talked about it and she was honest. She gave oral, 69, sex, even just rode someone’s face. I asked her how many guys and she said honestly a lot. She didn’t give me a number. But she said she only slept with one guy more than once. The rest were one night stands. She said this guy would experiment with her and had her doing all types of things. Now at first I thought great. Sex is even better with her. But knowing so many guys got to use her bugged me. Especially because I didn’t sleep with anyone during that year apart. And I can’t even be mad because we weren’t together, but it is hard to accept that she was passed around by so many guys. Apart of our bond was knowing we were eachothers only, but now she’s had so much sex it’s just weird for me. Am I crazy for thinking these things?
I just got broken up with but it isn't a bad thing cause I wanted to break up with them but it still hurts.
I think if I could I would trade my daughter for another child. My daughter is disabled, not mentally, but she's in a wheelchair and she can only use her left arm which means so always needs help with everything. It's kinda stressful and exhausting to be there for her 24/7.
I sometimes wish my child would be normal like every other child. She needs help in the morning to get out of bed because she cannot get up herself. She needs help in the bathroom, on the toilet. She needs someone to prepare her food. She needs someone to drive her to school. I have to pick her up after school, I have to help her do her homework..... the list goes on and on and on...I just want to have my normal life back. I couldn't sleep in in over 10 years!!! I confess that I sometimes wish my daughter wasn't born
#daughter #mother #confession #badmom #wtf #disabled #wheelchair #horrible #feeling #bad
One night I went to my friends house (he's a boy) and there was a couple of other guys there too.
We hung out and one of the the guys started to touch my boob, I looked at them and then the other one started rubbing my vagina. It felt so good, after that they asked me to give them a blowjob and I refused, they accused me of calling me a chicken so I yanked their trousers down and gave them a blowjob, we do it regularly now.
I just watched a movie about a guy with schizophrenia and I guess I can kind of relate to how he's feeling. I don't know if I am hypochondriac about it or what but I guess I have my own kind of schizophrenia....
my confession... where to start?
i've liked my best friend for seven months, until today.
he likes someone else, and i was dumb enough to think it was me. pure stupidity on my part, seeing that everything i thought were sign we're nothing.
what's really stupid is that i caught feelings when i shouldn't have.
#heartbreak #crush #feelings #sad #crying
So I had a neighbour until yesterday... He moved out... So here it is we used to come on terrace at the same time and stayed there till one of us left ... We never talked heck we don't even know each other's name but I was getting attached to this routine I mea. We did that for one and a half year but yesterday when he was moving out I cried really hard.... I wanted him to atleast say something but I guess it was just one sided... I knew he was gonna move one day but when he did I literally died inside .... Is it normal am I stupid to get obsessed about this one....
I am angry. I am so so fucking angry.
At everything. I don't know why but the littlest things infuriate me. I could strangle someone if they look at me the wrong way. I could burn my house down thinking about talking to certain people.
It infuriates me that I am like that.
#angry #anger #confession #feelings
I've told all of my friends and my family that I have a girlfriend. But I have not.
I told them because they are always nagging and asking me how I feel about being single. It was annoying and it also hurt my feelings because I guess I don't have a lot of self-esteem.
Now, to my problem: I told them I have a girlfriend and now they wanna meet her. I keep telling lies and making excuses but I guess I can't do that for much longer....
#lie #girlfriend #problem #feeling #family
Do you know the feeling like you are forgetting something? Like there is something in the back of your mind, just on the tip of your tongue, but you cannot remember why you feel the way you do?
I am very very anxious when it comes to touch and I react strange to some noises and such. I think there is something in my past that changed me. And I think my mind made me forget on purpose to shield me from the negative images and memories.
Can anyone relate?
#feeling #forgotten #memory #mind #confession
I am cutting myself. I don't even now why. It just... happens. Sometimes I am a bit hypersensitive about my environment and every little thing that goes wrong drives me crazy.
I don't hurt myself for several months, but then BOOM and it happens. Mostly, it's just a really small thing and I almost explode because of my feelings.
But the worst part is, I know I won't stop it. I don't want to.
I worked with this guy and he opened up about sexual things he’s done and the last thing he told me has me feeling weird. For context he’s in his 40s, 6’4’ probably 250. Big guy. He said he met a girl on a dating app. She was barely 18, super cute, and a virgin with no experience. A good girl. She was desperate to do something sexual before graduating high school because her friends pressured her and made fun that she was a goody goody. He convinced her to meet with him. He practically forced drugs in her face, and then used her. She never even drank before and he had her high on some serious drugs. Then he used her in every way he could. He was so detailed on how he choked her to sleep and would fuck her twitching body. Then she stayed at his house for two days before he was bored and let her leave. He said she left and barely made it home. She got in a lot of trouble at home and he forced her to lie about where she was. He said he tried to get her to meet him again but she wrote him a long paragraph about how scared she was and how she will have nightmares of him forcing her to do nasty things to him. He laughed while telling me this. Then she luckily blocked him. I felt grossed out and bad for this poor girl. He described how she felt and how nervous and small she was. I hope she’s ok and for him I just can’t imagine being like that. So weird and kinda freaked me out. After he told me we just have small talk. I like a good sex story but that one was so weird and has me feeling odd.
I flirt with people when I'm bored and that's a risky thing we do because nobody wants to catch feels.
I still have feelings for my ex. Even though he broke my heart, I can’t help myself.
#ex #feelings #love #embarrassed
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