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I hate that i helped my best friend find a boyfriend and now she's all happy and has little time for me while im single and lonely.
Because it's spring break and therefore I don't have to go to school, I made plans to stay at home the whole time and be as lazy as possible. Next to my bed I positioned my laptop, my remote control, 20 gallons of Seven Up, my game boy and my play station 3 controller. I told my parents I am on vacation.
The only time I stand up is to go to the toilet, maybe to take a shower and to open the door for the delivery guy.
It's the best time of my life but I am a bit ashamed that I lied to everyone to be alone.
Could a older group of men with good looks start up a phone call and drop in sex service for women my age?
Thursdays are the worst days ever. Bad things will happen in early in the morning to the night.
#life
I'll admit it: I'm human and I get so envious of others and how much is going on in their lives and I hate myself for it. I hate that I even have these feelings in the first place because my life is my own and I have made the choices I have made that have led me to today. No one else made them for me and for the most part, my life really isn't that bad. I don't need to have the biggest and the best house, job, car, etc... I've got somewhere to live, a nice enough car, a cat, plenty of wine and a decent job. What more should I want for besides someone to share my life with and maybe some actual friends? I'm working on it!
In the end it just feels like it's not enough when my sister comes over and I get so angry at myself because normally I like my life and who I am and it's not her fault that she makes me feel jealous and stupid. I should be the bigger person and just let this go but she seems to be a like a storm: something that just comes along with all it's thunder and lightning and their's nothing you can do to halt it's approach. It's a cycle and by the time she leaves or I leave every time we get together, I almost feel like I'm in physical pain from the press of holding my emotions in check. I always end up balling like a pathetic idiot just to release some of the tension. Often I have trouble breathing. It's almost like a panic attack is induced or something and I just don't get it.
To give you some background, my sister is two years younger than me and 20 kilos lighter. I'd probably say I am the prettier of the two of us even if I am overweight although she has a nicer smile and definitely knows how to dress. We grew up in a small town and I was the only farm girl in my year group with the other 9 girls being town girls. It was just two different worlds. I grew up liking the outdoors and using my imagination but the townies liked sitting around and gossiping about boys and clothes, etc. My sister on the other hand, had four other girls her age who grew up on farms and they all became fast friends. I went through school going from friend to friend and as a result, my social skills are somewhat lacking. Don't worry, that's not the case so much these days but I just don't get people like she does and despite trying to be a laid back person, I just seem to be so sensitive. I can't handle it when people let me down or don't live up to my expectations. It also doesn't help that we have so many of the same interests. We worked for similar companies, we both like reading, writing, art, cooking and sewing. I feel like I can never be an individual and I am too embarrassed to show any of my artwork to my family who scorned the fact that I like(d) manga & anime when I was younger and still do. I am the black sheep of the family and if my own parents and siblings judge me for my tastes so much then other people outside the family certainly will. However she likes country music which is still in the 'safe' category. She gets teased for being into it but she doesn't get scorned whereas a lot of people in Western society see an anime episode and just see it as a cartoon when many animes can be very violent and for adults only. I don't like them for being cartoons alright. I like then because I like entertainment. I'll watch/read almost anything but I particularly like anime because it is not as constrained as Western stories/cartoons. It mixes my two favourite mediums together after all: stories and art. But no, apparently I am childish and immature when I'd probably say I am MORE mature simply because I have broadened my horizons and I am interested in all sorts of areas.
Moving along: she met her future husband when she was 19 and that was it. She's married a lovely man in a beautiful ceremony and now she's six weeks out from having her first child. Her life isn't perfect by any means but she couldn't have asked for a more wonderful start. She lives in a brand new, enormous house on a massive farm. She's rich and she has horses, dogs, a cat, a big garden and an amazing car and she's only 25. There's no doubt about it: she knows what she wants in life and she gets it. Not only that, she's really pretty and can flirt like there's no tomorrow. She is a great conversationalist and always the centre of attention. She's confident and self assured. Guys are always hitting on her. She even told me that a workman from a neighbouring farm hit on her last week and she's married and 7 1/2 months pregnant!!! What the heck?!
It's no wonder I feel fat, frumpy and tongue tied when she's around. Our conversation largely consists of her and her life and her calling me a dag because apparently I have an odd sense of humour. So what if I'm quirky? So what if I haven't had a boyfriend (and god knows if I ever will since my flirting skills suck so much - I'm shy alright! That doesn't mean I won't say yes if you ask me! Why should I have to ask? Not all girls have to be confident because surely not all guys find that sexy?) We talk about her all the time and how great her sex life is and how much of a pain it is to be pregnant. You know some of us are terrified that we're going to end up alone and never have any children of our own! And if I dare complain about it's the same old, "well you just need to be more confident and flirt. Nothing will come to you if you don't put yourself out there." Yeah well I don't want to simper and fawn! I want to meet someone who will talk with me and make me feel comfortable. I am shy and I don't want to be rushed into something and expected to have sex on the first date. I don't like touching someone as a form of flirting because frankly I'd be a little alarmed if some guy did that to me the first time we met and started talking. She never asks me what's going on in my life and she's constantly making me feel like an idiot because she always has such a tremendously strong opinion that you doubt yourself and start believing that maybe she is right.
I don't like her freakin friend okay! (Something we argue about more than anything else) And I am effin' entitled to my opinion! She's a horrible person who has upset all the other friends in their social circle and my sister still can't see it. This person didn't come to the hen's night and on the wedding night, after I had given my speech, she decided to upstage me by doing her own speech. She tried to make it look like she wasn't getting up on her soap box by making the other two bridemaids get up there with her - one of which was quite drunk and going through some horrible family issues and all three of them made terrible speeches. And then, my sister blames the drunk one and says how dare she do that on my sister's wedding night instead of caring about how much her friend is hurting. I mean, who does that? Yes, your wedding is a very special day and your friends should leave their problems at home but life happens and I can't believe she can be so on the side of one friend (who everyone else hates) and so mad at another who has been a far longer friend and had a lot of things going on in her life and was dragged into making a speech that she never should have had to make.
In the end it is so humiliating to be jealous of her and I am trying so hard to be me and improve in my own way and I should be grateful to have advice from her (or so everyone and my conscious keeps telling me) but you know what? I don't freakin' want any of it!!! I don't want these feelings and I just want to be me. I want to be able to see her and not have a complete meltdown. Is that too much to ask for? I want to have a few of my own wins in life and I want to freakin do it myself! I don't need advice from someone who's basically got lucky. Yeah I admit I thought and probably still think I am smarter and more widely read than her. I admit that I did better in school than her and thought that I was always better than her and I freakin hate that I even thought that in the first place because I never thought I was that type of person. I hate myself and I hate that I do that as well and that I am so freakin hard on myself. I just wish my chaotic thoughts would take a backseat for a change and leave me the alone because you know what? Life is meant to be enjoyed and not endured and right now I just can't figure out how to enjoy it at all. I don't want to feel like I am struggling because I want to feel like I am being challenged and I want to enjoy the journey instead of constantly feeling exhausted by my feelings.
#jealous #sister #friends #sad #upset #panic #attack #meltdown #envious #envy #my #life #hate #myself
My life is so monotonous, that I don't have anything to confess... please don't tell anybody
I miss you so much it hurts. I'm anxious and depressed and I can't get out of my own head tonight. I just keep running through what ifs and the should haves... I just keep trying to figure out what to change so that I'm happy but I just can't figure it out..I'm sorry about the way everything turned out. This wasn't how our lives were supposed to end up.I miss being best friends...i miss you. I love you. I don't wish this pain on anybody.
I think it's pretty funny watching other people fall. I also like it to see them suffering. I guess I don't have a sense of shame but I really don't miss it. You should also she the funny sides in life.
So I... had an affair with this guy some three years ago. Ugly as fuck, to be honest. Ok I mean, just really unattractive. Our relationship was essentially based on weed. Not that I didn't buy my own. But I would always use with him, just to have someone to smoke with, since I get really anxious when I do. I would smoke loads back then. Then I stopped buying it. 'cause I wanted to stop. But I kept visiting this man's house. We wouldn't have sex anymore, I was having sex with another guy, a friend of his actually. This other guy was kind of nice and really cares about me but I cut him out of my life 'cause he won't have sex with me anymore 'cause he thinks I'm desperate. Which I kind of am. My life is so dull 'cause I have no plans, no projects, no motivation. Aside from weed, I smoke cigarettes and drink, I don't drink too much but yeah, I'm kind of the addictive type you know. Most of all I was addicted, I still am, to these two men. And I'm also anorexic/bulimic, not too thin lately, and I've managed to stop the binging and purging, I'm making progress you know, but still no future, no education... I used to be in university. I was studying philosophy. I was the brightest student in my year, but I was always on drugs and when I started sleeping with these guys I pretty much gave up on everything else. I tried to launch a music career, so to speak. I mean, as I was hurting like a goddamn dog I started composing sad tunes on my guitar. I've been in therapy all my teen and adult life, I'm 23, it's been more than ten years, with different therapists. Maybe I'm gay, maybe I'm bisexual, maybe I'm a random nymphomaniac, narcissistic, shizotypical, borderline fucked up mess with daddy issues and a self-centred attitude and paranoia and bipolar depression and no friends, virtually zero people I trust. I have no idea what I am, it's not like I've been abused and furthermore I got tested and they say I have nothing, I'm just kind of above average intelligence-wise and particularly sensitive, that's what they say. I taught myself how to play piano in ten days and I can do some pretty impressive stuff and bla bla bla yeah I'm showing off. But really I'm just so sad. I dropped out of uni, anyhow. Oh, I said that already didn't I. And I masturbate almost daily but with a sense of disgust even. I don't enjoy any kind of porn anymore, and I don't even enjoy actual sex, I mean, I had a couple of really good fucks with these two guys but yeah who cares. And what kills me is I've been so in love with the second guy but I fucked up because I'm fucked up and now he's gone but it's been three years and I was his first girl so it was bound to happen wasn't it. Why shouldn't he want to be with someone normal who doesn't hit him when he doesn't want to have sex, someone who is not so whiny as I am, so bitter and self-centred and FUCK I wish I could turn back time or I just wish he could DIE sometimes I really do everything except move on with his life leaving me here in my ugly stinky rut. I'm so depressed I've gotten used to it but sometimes I get these glimpses of lucidity and they really hurt.
#life #sex #drugs #weed #future #depression #addiction #issues
I pretend to care about people I meet and my friends, but frankly I've been hurt and scarred so much that I don't care much for their happiness. If anything I'm resentful and bitter that they are happy and I'm suffering.
I have broke other people's trust, I fully admit to this and we will happily live with banished sin and banished against our pillars, boundaries, morals, values, honors by God.
Thank you so much
#god #love #fulfilment #righteousliving #justice #fairness #equality #promise #forgiveness #living #jannah #happyeverafter #wow #beauty #embrace #growth #life #woman #man #humanity #unity #peace #harmony #alligmenet #mutuality
I want to confess that I once thought about going on a killing spree.
Please don't get me wrong, I know how terrible this is but I just couldn't handle it anymore. Back in middle school all other kids hated me, bullied me and pranked me. After a girl pretend to like me but just did so because she had lost a bet, I was furious. I actually had planned the attack but was too afraid to do it.
I am now a grown up man in my mid 30 and I am very glad I haven't ruined my life like that.
I have herpes and don't tell people that i sleep with. I sleep with married men and even though im in a relationship, i love being a homewrecker. HMP
Hi, my name is Charlie and im 17. Last week, i was housesitting with my girlfriend for her mother. I knew her mum wouldnt be back for about 2 weeks and only me and Vanessa where in the house so i walked around Naked, like i would in my apartment. Vanessa left to do some shopping, and getting munchies and films for our night in. She locked the door to keep people wandering in on my nudity. I decided to start cleaning the house as a surprise for Vanessa when she returned. And i knew no body without a key could get in and see me and my manliness in all our glory. Little did i know that her neighbour, Annie, a middle aged woman was instucted by Vanessas mum mother to come and check in on her daughter every so often with the spare key. She entered but didnt say a word. She krept in so slowly and stealthily, she could of robbed us and i would never have knew. I was doing some cleaning up as i said and i picked up a lacy pair of black panties, i held up close to my eyes to see if they were clean or not. However, stealthy Annie saw it a different way.
"What the heck do you think you are doing, you little Panty sniffer, i come to check how my friends daughter was doing and i walk in on her boyfriend sniffing her panties, what is it? Do you like the feeling of them? Do you want to wear them? Oh, your member likes the sound of that, look at it, sticking in the air, hard as rock! You want to wear them!" However i really didnt, i was just so aroused of a sexy middle aged women walking in on me why i was so naked. But i still felt intimidated by her. Her eyes meant buisness, she looked dominant, and definately wasnt afraid of an old teen, no matter how muscular i was! She snatched them out my hands. And she shoved them in my face, pushing me back against, the sofa, i tried fighting back, but she was strong and dominant! She thrown me down, my feet sticking in the air, whaling around everywhere, i was so aroused. If only Vanessa was like this. But no way was i about to put on this panty, without a fight. I kicked her in the head, but it was no use, she pinned me down, and started pulling the g-string up my legs, and before long, i was stood in the living room wearing only my gfs mums panty. I was so embarressed. But totally aroused.
"Oh you like the feeling of womens clothes, well before tonight, you will have to get used to it anyway." What did she mean? I looked at her confused, she jumped on me, pinning me down, she pulled out some rope from no where. Why did she think to bring it? She couldnt of known this would be happening! She tied my hands to the radiator. "Right im going shopping, so dont go anywhere, Phh like you can" She left, i waited for what seemed like hours until she returned.
"Im not wearing that, or them, and especially that!"
This was my reaction when she pulled a corset, stockings, and a bra from her bag when she returned!
"Right,"She said "I have been out, bought all this with your credit card, used up my time, to buy you this sexy things, and you reject, them well your tied up so you dont have a choice!And you need to learn your lesson for sniffing panties, you little pervert!" "I didnt sniff the panties, you bitch" I yelled back agressively. "Oh you shouldnt of done that, now im definately showing Vanessas mum the pictures!" What pictures? "Now, i will release you but if you so what kick, or run trust me, the picture of you in the panties, tied up, aroused, and you will never live this down no put on your lingerie!" I was scared, petrified infact, i got up after she untied me, and i stood their! "Well? Give me the lingerie, i cant belive your making me do this!" She through the skanky lingerie at me. At first i stuggled putting on the bra so Annie helped me, and then she put on the corset, pulling them so tight, im sure my rib cage was going to colapse! Then she pulled down my panties and took the off me, throwing them in the hamper. Next was the girdle, and at first it was uncomfortable, but then it got comfier. Then annie started rolling the fishnet stockings up my hairy legs. She pulled out two massive breast forms, and squeezed them into my bra. To my horror, she then pulled out a thong. I shivered at the though of wearing it. "Im not wearing it," I said. She turned around " Oh really, but all the glue on the rest of your lingerie will have set by now so you will look silling without the thong. Glue? Set? I was horrified and attempted ripping off the lingerie, But it was stuck. It was useless but i might as well put on the thong to hide my growing penis. No use, even wearing it, it didn't do so well contained my massive dick. And i tried moving it but i winched in pain as it pulled on my many pubic hairs. The glue had set. I looked in the mirror to see, an obivous man, in slutty lingerie, i looked rediculous. I looked like a drag queen. I was looking at myself when my sight was quickly blocked by a pair of 6 inch high heeled thigh high boots. It was obvious i had to put them on, which i did, and the glue quickly set. I walked around the house, hearing the heels click, it was horrifying, I was a man, forced to wear drag,, stuggling to walked in 6 inch heeled thigh high boots. i was soo humiliated, I just stood their, in the kitchen, horrified, and the next minute, i felt something hard hit my head, and i was out cold, I awoke about an hour later to Annie, looking down at me. laughing taking millions of photos. She then shown me one, She had done my make up and it was so stupid, My lips, bright red, they looked massive and plump, my eyelishes 2 inches long, my eyebrows looked like slugs and my face was so draggy! Then above my head was a gigantic wig, that towered 2 feet above my head. And below, was a tight, tight dress that crushed my body. I looked in the mirror, and i was horrified, Normally in feminization stories the man looks into the mirror to see a women staring back, but no, for me when i looked in the mirror i saw a man in bad drag looking back. I was humiliated. The door slammed, and Annie was gone! What would she do with the pictures, would she show Vanessa? Too Late!
"Charlie, what are you wearing, are you wearing drag! I tried to rip it off but it was no use. She told me she liked it, and that she was alright with it, even though i told her i didnt like it , she denied me. The next day she used glue remover to remove eveything but couldn'nt get the boots off. We tried everything. But it was no use! I had to wear the boots for weeks even after her mum got back, Over these weeks i told her "I hate drag, im disgusted my the queers who do it, its discustin" I werent really, i support gays but i had to show her i hated it. She wasnt having it! How was i supposed to know she had a friend drag act! She got him to come over, and they both forced me to wear drag and since then i have been forced to wear drag in the privacy of mine and vanessas house, whilst she held the pictures Annie gave her and as payback for all the time i made her wear, skimpy clothing. I protested alot but it was no use. I got used to it no matter how much i hated it, To the outisde world i was a normal man, in our house, i was an drag queen who looked nothing like a girl. Out side i would wear lingerie under my clothing, and inside i would spend my time with Vanessa and Ryan ( the drag act friend) getting my nails done and walking around in 6 inch heels and short dresses. I didnt like it but i did it to protect the pictures getting out. And even now while i right this, im wearing a short leopard print dress, with thigh high 6 inch heeled boots and a bit blonde wig. Me, my wife and ryan are watching a kinky movie. Then vanessa starts jacking me off, i didnt even realise i had a boner! Then she tapes it back under my legs. Beyond my front door my drag life has never ended, and when me and vanessa got married privatley guess who was wearing the dress!
I confess to being an entitled asshole, who since I was able to walk, expected everything for nothing. I thought I could coast through life and have all the things I wanted to be and to have would just fall into my laps. They didn’t. So now I’m at a shitty job that I hate because it’s the job I strives for, which is to say nothing at all. I haven’t put effort into anything and now I’m addicted to my mediocrity. I have no compassion, no drive, no ambition; I don’t know what hard work looks or feels like. Everyone else is trying to better themselves, and here I am dreading to go to work everyday, hoping that this day I’ll get fired and not have to work here, instead of quitting and doing something with my life. All because I have convinced myself that I was a genius, just waiting to be discovered and make the world a better place. Yeah right.
Realizing that cartoons aren’t real and life will never be as colorful and wacky and fun as the looney tunes probably fucked me up more than I realized. Going through life knowing I’ll never truly be friends with Bugs Bunny and the gang is something I think way too much about and it leads to me becoming very depressed. One day I’ll die and be forgotten yet Bugs will live in and remain in the public consciousness so long as there’s money in it.
I put 95% of the effort with people I consider friends. I realize now that I don't really have that many people in my life who care enough to check in.
#lonely #friendship #life #alone
I hate my life! I could literally throw up when I think about it!!!!!!
#hate #life #throwup #confession
I live in my own world. There are things I cannot and will not explain about how I life but I think some of you would say I am crazy and should immediately see a specialist or go straight in an asylum. I don't want to tell you in detail whats wrong with me but let me say this:
I confess to be in love with another species. Not a human being but something more wonderful.
#life #asylum #specialist #crazy #love
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