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Last year I started it felt really good when spilt my skin open I didn't want my parents to know they found out they told me to stop or else I did, this year I started again I told my friends one of them he said he will be there for me the other you are all g but he told my sister I feel really bad I made so much people cry because I self harm he said is it really necessary to cut I just cant stop its like drug everyone in my school knows some how when I walk into the school I get looks it scares me that people hate me now ' if you really care about me then don't tell' I say some people don't understand me I get really upset I need to cut I couldn't eat I cant sleep I told my friends I'm the middle of the night to help me he did but I'm still cutting but I cant if I do my sister will tell my parents so at camp because camp is coming soon I'm gonna cut there no one can stop there's way more for this confession but I gotta go...
Self harm. Have you ever thought about it. Well please read this first. I promise you haven’t endured worse than me. Maybe as bad. Hopefully the moderators won’t block this post. I’m sure you’d rather hear about my giant penis & all the hot women I’ve had sex with, but there are people hurting, so let’s give them a few moments of our time. Every life is worth saving.
I could tell you about all the physical & sexual abuse I endured. The deaths I’ve seen. The horrors I’ve endured. But thats my burden. Lets say your a rich kid who has been spoiled rotten & wanted for nothing. So what. Your mind can make any life seem unbearable. Even for a young child. Gay. Straight. Disabled. Black. White. Boy. Girl. Undecided. Fat. Ugly. Its all just labels. Are you going to let others label you? If I did that I’d never have accomplished anything. I define me. Inside you have a soul. This world is hard. For all of us. Including you. I can’t promise you even one other person will ever love you. But you can choose to love one other person. Or a hobby. Or a good deed. You just need one purpose to give your life meaning. Pick an animal shelter. Send them a few dollars a month. Find a good charity that helps children. Send them a few dollars a month. Now; without you, a child or kitten will have less to eat each month. Or write a kind letter. Find a person in the world who needs it. Don’t put your name on it. Mail it. Now you sent a gift of love to another without any chance of repayment. You’ve now made the world a better place. For most people; with a little effort, they can get better. Exercise. Therapy. Meds. Happy music. Happy TV. A hobby. Watch sports. Any interest. Young people can usually grow up & move out of their situation.
For others a disease constantly reduces their options. They have less & less chances to change their situation. Two people can be in the exact same situation. One chooses to be miserable. The other tries to be a light for the world.
One tiny light. But with enough tiny lights the whole world can be brightened. But that can be hard. If trying to help others overwhelms you, then stop. Its OK to be selfish if thats how you can survive. Some people are here to touch millions. Others need to focus on saving one precious life, their own. I have no idea why I was here. But I’ve made some positive contributions, even if others didn’t really want me here. As I lay dying once, my final prayer was for the entire world to be spared. All souls. I have no idea how I’m still here. But I can’t live forever. Eventually my disease will win. Poverty will crush me. I’m no angel. Just somebody the world didn’t want. But I loved it anyways.
So I read about a teen who couldn’t face the world anymore. It overwhelmed him. His mom is successful. She seems to have everything. But her son couldn’t see a place for him in this world. So he left. Thats sad. Think about that even a child with health & wealth can break. If he could break, all of us could. Read the news. Look at all the lives cut short. Pray for them. Pray for the loved ones they leave behind. I would like to give his mom a hug. She wanted to follow him. But I’m just a nobody the world doesn’t notice. Hopefully someone in her life will care enough to lift her up.
But that little boy was just one light darkened too soon. Many others are going out too. People need to reach out to them “before” they are gone.
I hope some of you can read this. I can’t afford to read the stories myself, so I hope at least one person decides to fight instead of quit.
As for myself. My body seems intent on failing me. But I’m going to try something. Maybe it will help me hang around a little longer. I hate hospitals. If your problem is in your mind instead of your body, don’t be ashamed. The brain is much more complex than any other part of the body. If a leg or arm is broken do you laugh? Do you mock someone in a wheel chair. How about a little person? The blind? Well then if your disability is in your mind, its no less real than a broke arm. In fact, its much worse. The brain is very complex. Don’t be afraid to see a therapists. Take meds. Go to a hospital for help. Old age or a disease will extinguish your light eventually. No reason to speed that up.
As a child they wrote me off. Yet here I am. Your what “you” decide. Your not the labels people put on you. Don’t look to me for guidance. Look in the mirror & help that person out. They need someone to care about them. So love yourself. If you love yourself, at least one person loves you.
I spent hours writing this. At least one person cared enough to do that for you. So you must matter.
Love.
😇
#hope #despair #depression #love #light
I highly resent my oldest stepson and secretly count down the days until he leaves for college in 7 years
#bottling #hate #stepson #college #depression
I'm falling for my choir teacher (I have confessed this before but I want to add more detail) and I just want him to embrace me from behind and whispered in my ear that he loves me. I want him to kiss me softly with his hand in my hair. I wish I could just tell him how I feel, but there's no way that would ever work out in my favour.
He's perfect. He's got black hair and brown eyes, which is my favourite combination. He is not as tall as alot of guys, but his body shape is perfect. He has good fashion sense as well. His hands dance wonderfully on the piano and he's so passionate about all he does. Every little thing he does makes me so happy, and I'm very depressed and apathetic normally.
I'm so lonely all the time, and rarely let anybody in my head. People have said I come off as cold or indifferent, so I doubt I'm very likeable. I'm average looking. He's so different from me. We always have fun in choir, and he makes it that way. My day is always better when I enter the music room, but I never show it.
I've seen him unhappy before, and it killed me. I wanted to say something to comfort him, but I pussied out.
I just wish it was possible for me to be with him.
#crush #love #school #depression
Life is nothing but a series of endless financial losses until you eventually kill yourself. I was finally starting to make some decent money for once fml..
I screwed up my relationship and it ended because I was too scared to tell the truth. Unknowingly to me at the time I was suffering from depression, I got myself into debt and I couldn’t get out of it. Instead of telling my partner I tried to deal with it myself. My partner had a temper, often wouldn’t speak to me for days or weeks on end if I had upset him even though I didn’t know what it was I had done wrong. He never asked me if I was ok, he never took any interest in me and I was constantly walking on eggshells. None of this excuses what I did. He started spending time away from me, told me he wasn’t happy with our relationship anymore and I think he had met someone else but would never admit it. I desperately wanted our relationship to work but it was too late. Several months later, we were still living together and he found out about my debt, I didn’t tell him but he found out and hit the roof. My heart was pounding so fast I thought I was going to die, he wouldn’t listen to me and it was the worst night of my entire life. I often have flashbacks to that night and even just writing about it makes me so anxious. I left our home the next day, our relationship was over. He told everyone we knew what I had done, people spat at me in the street and rightfully blamed me for everything. I lost everything, my home, possessions and a big part of myself that I will never get back. Years have now passed and he’s moved on with his life, met someone new and sold our home. I can’t move on. I hate myself so much, I can’t forgive myself for what I did and I know that I am a bad person. I haven’t rebuilt my life, I still have nothing and no home of my own. I have depression and I realise now that I have had it for a long time. I paid my debt off which should have been a big relief but it wasn’t, I desperately want my old life back and I know that I will never get it back and that is my punishment. People think that I have shown no remorse but I feel it every second of every day. I deserve to have a miserable life, I am scum.
I'm always consoling people and helping them yet I can't seem to help myself through my self harm and starvation which no one knows about
I am depressed for quite a while now. It happens some times that I feel really really down for a couple of weeks, but it always gets better again after a while. But in those few weeks I feel really shitty and I also self harm. I innately feel like I am full of shit and deserve everything bad I get.
But now... it does not go away. I feel like this since around November last year and I guess it keeps getting worse and worse. I started wondering about suicide now. That never happened before. I imagine what it would be like if I ended it all, how everyone would react and how I would do it and how it would all simply be over. And it is not just like those thoughts you have, but real consideration.
Why am I writing this confession now? I just had one of those thoughts, of just ending it and I actually felt giddy and full of anticipation. It was only for a few seconds, but I think I need help.
#depression #help #suicide #selfharm #hurt
What’s the point?
What’s the point in bearing with all of the troubles that we have during our lives?
With all of the wars and battles that kill thousands of peoples’ lives, but when it comes down to the choice to end it all or not, they ask you to stay alive because your “important.”
What’s the point in dealing with all of the criticism that we receive because all of the other people don’t believe in our beliefs?
And we all know that the end of the world is truly near, but we’re too scared to admit that everything will be destroyed.
And whether that day will come in a lifetime or not, death is inevitable and no one will remember your hard work.
All of the nights you stayed awake to finish that project for school and the many hours that you spent working just so that you could have a roof over your head.
And for what?
We all know that you’re too scared to admit that living another day of our lives is a lot more painful than dying.
So why do we do it?
Why do we put ourselves through so much pain and suffering just because we need to live another day, waiting for absolutely nothing?
Why do we fill our lives with lies by saying that we are going to save the planet, but our mere existence is destroying it?
Why is it so important for one out of the billions of people on Earth to stay alive?
Because of greed?
Just to gain that satisfaction of saying that you saved someone’s life when you’re actually putting them through more pain than you can imagine?
What’s the point?
I have been with my girlfriend for about 4 and a half years now. We started dating when we were in high school (i was 16 and she was just about to turn 16 in a few months). I love her more than anything in the whole world. But ever since we started dating, i lost contact with all my closest friends, both male and female. She always finds problems with them. I have been loyal to her, i never once thought about cheating.
I used to be known by everyone in my batch and the younger people. And had not one enemy because i was always friendly and kind and outgoing with people. And because of that, i was popular with people, even the teachers lived me even though im mischievous in class and school. Fuck it, even the principal knew me. Both me and my big brother who was graduated by then. I had a really good reputation and it’s not because i tried to, its because I genuinely was kind and caring while also being fun and mischievous and athletic! (I understand that i wasnt the smartest kid around). Where as my gf was mostly surrounded by 3 toxic friends who equally lacked the social skills but was feeding negative and toxic things into her mind. My girl is smart and beautiful and extremely talented in sports as well! But those friends of hers were lazy at studies, tries to act like they’re it and like they are princesses who know exactly how people are when they are just protected children who hasn’t interacted with people! (They genuinely thought that life always goes as it is in movies). They brought down her grades massively and were hiding behind my girl while she does the dirty work guided by the things they put into her mind. They are also to blame for her starting to think I’m cheating on her with other girls or doing things behind her back. My girlfriend also lacks the ability to empathize and understand people at all. I partly blame the fact that she has almost never been exposed to interacting with public and was always protected by her family. But she deeply cares and tries to protect the people closest to her. Hence, the reason she did the dirty work of those toxic friends of hers.
She told me to stop hanging out with the guys who always had my back, who have helped me even in the little things, the guys i used to have friendly rivalries in sports and gaming. They were my brothers and people who i have even considered to be my bestmen when i marry. And she knew that. But she made me to stop hanging out with them. For the littlest things, for inability to understand how boys are. Obviously boys act differently towards each other. That’s what friends are. Thats what makes us G’s. Some of my friends did warn me about her, that she and those 3 friends of hers have a bit of a bad reputation. But they all were really open to my feelings and genuinely gave her a chance and we’re friendly to her. I just wish she was the same. They were happy for me and didn’t want to do anything that would hurt my relationship badly. But when they saw that she just won’t stop with the misunderstanding and trying to push me away, they tried to do their best to pull me closer too. But none of them tried to force me out of the relationship, they all adviced me though. That i have 3 choices, fix the relationship and make her have a change of heart so i can hangout with my friends, break up with her, or let go of them. I obviously decided option 1. But sadly it didn’t work.
And from girls, there was one girl in my friend group that she hated for some little reasons. But i know if she actually tried to, they could have been really close. She was in a different class and some girls in my class were pretty popular as well. And as I mentioned, i was really close with my friends girls too. But i always kept my girlfriend above them. Even so, my girlfriend wanted me to completely stop talking to that girl she hates and she wanted me to be rude to her and hate her too. I obviously can’t do that, a bond i have cannot be just broken and turned into hate. I tried to fix the problem there and remove that hate as well. I wanted my girlfriend to see that the problem that’s there between them is a simple thing that can be fixed. But her pride and ego is too massive for her to let go. She pretended to try but didn’t put even 1% of effort in it. I gave as much effort as i can with her friends... but she didn’t. I never told her to stop talking to her friends. NEVER. I only advised her of the things I felt, and i asked her to think about it herself, she let them go only when they told her that she spends time with me more than them which is not true at all, they know it and she knows it... every person who knows about our relationship knew it’s a stupid reason to start treating her differently. So she let them go... so coming back to my story... this hate towards her the spread like a flame to the other girl in my class, which those toxic friends of hers had a massive role in. How am I supposed to stop completely talking to people in my own classroom? How am I supposed to let go of friends girl or boys who i have created a memories and strong bonds? They all tried to befriend my gf but she doesn’t try at all! In the end my teacher found out about relationship and advised me about it too but i was so blinded by love that i never listened to anyone! So i lost contact with my friends both girls and boys! We went to college where some of my closest friends went to, by then my girl did let me talk to them, but it’s as if we were acquaintances and not friends. And she still continued to judge people.
She even started these things with my family! I don’t think there is a single member in my family she hasn’t had an issue with! Even my baby cousin who just turned 4! My mother and father and brother too! Every single person! She tried to make me stay home when we planned family trips which we rarely ever get to go! But she goes on more than 20 trips a year! She doesn’t let me have time with my family bc i have to text her or call her! She blames me for her having a bad life in high school! She blames me for having a bad time in college! And now she’s having a bad time in uni. She acts as her and her family are the perfect people! And i have changed a lot! I was the most patient man you would ever meet... and i am patient towards people who aren’t my family. But I get upset quickly towards her and my family now. I dont have much fun memories in high school and at home, we’re at uni in a different country, most of my friends who were close to me dont know where i am no. I dont have social media other than one chatting app bc she made me delete them, i only have a few contacts saved on my phone. And recently when she gets angry she gets a bit physical. And she says i have changed a lot. But she never tried to understand why i have changed. She says that you only need 2 or 3 close friends. But the friends “we” have are choices of her own. She gets in the way of my decisions, where she thinks her advise is better than my own mothers. To avoid fights in my relationship and to stop a fight where she says i always choose others over her or where she says that i never take her side and say my family is always right, i follow her advise. And some of those have come back to haunt me. I sometimes think back to when i used to have fun with my friends. Or when i have fun with my family. It’s so sad, if she stopped her attitude, made the relationship we have more important to her than her pride and ego, thought of my family as her own and treated it equally, and just listen to me and trust my decisions as a man, we could make this work. She sometimes understands that she has an issue with anger. But that’s it. She says that her rude attitude is actually her being a genuine and real person. Which is bullshit. There is a line between being true and being rude which she doesn’t see. She says that she has an attitude and if i dont like it i can leave which she know that if i wanted to leave i would have gone a long time ago, she blames me for people thinking badly of her when I really tried and people really tried (and there are instances where I actually had some fake friends who were rude to her, i stood up for her and took her side. Which she doesn’t appreciate).
And I’m not an angel. I never said i was perfect, i was never said I haven’t done wrong. I have lied to her about things. But all of those lies were to hangout with my friends, or because I know she’ll freak out if i tell her, to avoid unnecessary arguments, to stop arguments. But i dont have friends to go hangout with anymore or play some games or anything. I still have to hide some little details about anything regarding females. Even if i said i had a casual conversation with a girl, I would end up in a fight. It has reduced though, she understands a bit more now. But with this rate of growth, i would be old and dead by the time she understands.
But I know she cares and loves me, she made a huge decision of giving up her medicine degree to do it later just because I couldn’t get in at the time as well. She helped me with my studies, she has stood up for me even to lecturers when i have been treated unfairly, sometimes secretly and sometimes without listening to me, because she knows that I’m too forgiving to people and too kind to people and sometimes they abuse that about me. She has made sure and advised me to not let people walk all over me just because I’m too kind and forgiving and i know if I’m hurt or injured she’ll put away everything to come for me... I truly do lover her... i couldn’t stand to leave her, i want her and need her but I just want her to understand me, who I am and what i need. I always try my best to keep her happy. I don’t want to leave her.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?!
#relationship #toxic #advise #depression #sadness #needhelp #help #love #cheating #relationshipproblems
I was hurt because of my siblings so I hurt my mom coz she was not punishing or scolding them.
I said mean words to her. I told her that I want her to die so I will be convinced she can't stand for me coz she is not here. I didn't talk with her for a month even I denied to eat anything she cooked for me. I was rude. It still hurts to think she didn't take stand for me but not more than what I said to her. I don't know if she will forgive me I don't know God will ever forgive me but I can't forgive myself ever for this sin.
#heartbreak #guilt #depression #shame #unforgettable #temper
My best friend doesn't care about me, my family doesn't love me and my boyfriends abusive. On top of that I'm suffering from depression, anxiety, bpd, ptsd and psychosis.
It's just not worth it anymore lol
This isn't a confession really, more of a rant...
To the doctor that took away my antidepressants;
Yes, I'm young, I'm 16 and putting me on medication puts me at more of a risk of negative side effects. Yes, I'm suicidal and can overdose on them quite easily if I wanted to and yes, you don't usually give antidepressants to under 18s but holy fuck do I need them.
I've been to over 10 therapists in the past 4 years--none have helped--and the waiting list for therapy at the moment where I live is about 5 months. I was put on antidepressants a couple of months ago and taken off of them a week ago, already I'm feeling the backlash of that. Since being taken off my depression has gotten worse, despite my actual life being better, and no matter what happens or who is supporting me I constantly feel like crap. I want to be able to feel happy again even if it was just a little bit.
I actually feel guilty for being depressed. I distance myself from people because I feel like a burden and in the 4 years that I've been trying to get help medication was the only thing that seemed to have an effect at all
I just miss it
Sometimes I feel like I would die and nobody would even care. A lot of people know I’m depressed and I guess they try and act nice to me about it.
Note: try
I hate the pity they give me and whenever I bring it up, they would always so “no I actually mean it. If you have something to say, you can always tell me” then when I tell them, they look at me like I’m crazy.
I am a 26 y/o bisexual female living in the Bible Belt. I've always been equally attracted to both genders. However, I've never acted on any of my female attractions or told anyone about them. I am currently in a 7 year hetero relationship w/ my boyfriend. I love him so much, but I'm falling for another woman. I don't know what to do. I drink alone until I become numb, and the apathy sets in. It's gotten so bad that the numbness, the apathy has taken over my sober hours as well. What the fuck am I supposed to do?
My (m.29 at the time) fiancé (f. 28 at the time) died 2 years ago, we were together for 9 years. It happened out of the blue and we didn't see it coming. Ever since then i've gotten so depressed and lost myself so much from the person i used to be that i'm not sure she would still love me. I've started having panic attacks over the silliest things about my own health (i.e., think i'm having a heart attack, stroke, ect...) with no reason to believe that those things are happening or could. I tried going to therapy not long after she had passed away, but i didn't like the doctor, he just felt really robotic and like he was reading from a script, so i stopped going, and haven't done anything about it since. i'm not sure if it's survivors guilt or something, but i almost don't care to take care of myself for reasons i can't exactly pinpoint. i don't want to talk to my parents or friends or other family about my mental health situation because i know it would just upset them and make them sad for me and i don't want to do that to them. sometimes i just want to pack the most basic of belongings and just disappear out of their lives and maybe they'd just forget about me and i can have a do over with my life. i don't think i ever would, but i think about it a lot.
I am always sad and want nothing to do with my school friends or friends that I have made through cheer. I used to be the person who was always doing something and never wanted to be home. I was constantly surrounded by people and friends. Ever since I started high school, that has all changed. I lost all of my close friends and no I find myself playing with my pets and doing nothing but going to practice. Its sad because I want to be back to my super social life and have all my friends back but everyone seems to hate me. I have thought about killing myself due to the amount of mean comments and things being said about my by people I thought were my friends. I am most certainly depressed but I don't want to talk to my parents about it because they are very abusive.
I've been in deep depression for...well, it's been so long I forget. My family has now began to put it aside and I'm starting to be the neglected forgotten child in the house. My sister's kid has started to take my place. My father and I rarely talk anymore. Just the other day he refused to look at me once. The desire to just kill myself gets stronger every day. The pain of self harm starts to feel calming now. The pray that when I fall sleep, I never wake up. I keep a tab open of fastest ways to kill myself. I hate the fact I have to deal with this reality. I just want it to end....so bad. I've hurt myself to many times and no one has cared anymore. I've written so many suicide notes. I'm broken.
I lie about everything. I lie to my teachers, I lie to my friends, I lie to my family. I don't want them to know that I am not ok. I don't want them to worry. I don't want them to know that this is the worse I have ever been. I don't want them to know that I think about suicide everyday.
My name is Jenna, I'm 13. I'm in grade 8 now, this started in grade 6. My parents told me they were splitting up (they're together now) but that took a huge toll on me. I cut my wrist for the 1st time and only did it a few more times in grade 6 after that. Once my parents got back together I was so happy and grade 7 I didn't self harm, but that's when I started starving myself because the boys in my class would call me fat a lot. Now I'm in grade 8 and I didn't think it was possible but I'm way worse then I ever have been. My parents know about my depression, cutting and eating issue and a few of my friends do too. They say they're there for me but they never check up on me or let me open up to them. This year I haven't been eating much, I've lost 30 pounds and I'm still losing more. My best friend of 4 years left me and hates me now. My boyfriend cheated on me twice with my ex best friend. I was diagnosed with depression this year and I cut almost everyday and I've attempted suicide but failed unfortunately. I'm so unhappy and depressed and no one knows how I feel. I wish someone would reach out and help because I'm so done with life. I'm on the edge ready to end it and no one can stop me..
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