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Read the best #depression confession stories
I've been in deep depression for...well, it's been so long I forget. My family has now began to put it aside and I'm starting to be the neglected forgotten child in the house. My sister's kid has started to take my place. My father and I rarely talk anymore. Just the other day he refused to look at me once. The desire to just kill myself gets stronger every day. The pain of self harm starts to feel calming now. The pray that when I fall sleep, I never wake up. I keep a tab open of fastest ways to kill myself. I hate the fact I have to deal with this reality. I just want it to end....so bad. I've hurt myself to many times and no one has cared anymore. I've written so many suicide notes. I'm broken.
I was hurt because of my siblings so I hurt my mom coz she was not punishing or scolding them.
I said mean words to her. I told her that I want her to die so I will be convinced she can't stand for me coz she is not here. I didn't talk with her for a month even I denied to eat anything she cooked for me. I was rude. It still hurts to think she didn't take stand for me but not more than what I said to her. I don't know if she will forgive me I don't know God will ever forgive me but I can't forgive myself ever for this sin.
#heartbreak #guilt #depression #shame #unforgettable #temper
I'd cut with a razor blade I got from tech class. I took it home, I cut in my ankle. It did this 6-7 times. One time when I was visiting my mom, (she had known about my depression). I was crying. I was saying I wasn't a good person which I still think I'm not. That's when she noticed the cuts. I was in a fetal position. My scars were completely noticeable at that time and I was wearing flip-flops. My mom wants me on medication, but I've seen what that's done to people. So when I was leaving my mom to go back to my dad, she told me I was faking depression for attention. In the car she told me I was trying to show her my scars, faking my anxiety attacks sometimes panic attacks and my depression all together,
This isn't a confession really, more of a rant...
To the doctor that took away my antidepressants;
Yes, I'm young, I'm 16 and putting me on medication puts me at more of a risk of negative side effects. Yes, I'm suicidal and can overdose on them quite easily if I wanted to and yes, you don't usually give antidepressants to under 18s but holy fuck do I need them.
I've been to over 10 therapists in the past 4 years--none have helped--and the waiting list for therapy at the moment where I live is about 5 months. I was put on antidepressants a couple of months ago and taken off of them a week ago, already I'm feeling the backlash of that. Since being taken off my depression has gotten worse, despite my actual life being better, and no matter what happens or who is supporting me I constantly feel like crap. I want to be able to feel happy again even if it was just a little bit.
I actually feel guilty for being depressed. I distance myself from people because I feel like a burden and in the 4 years that I've been trying to get help medication was the only thing that seemed to have an effect at all
I just miss it
Sometimes I feel like I would die and nobody would even care. A lot of people know I’m depressed and I guess they try and act nice to me about it.
Note: try
I hate the pity they give me and whenever I bring it up, they would always so “no I actually mean it. If you have something to say, you can always tell me” then when I tell them, they look at me like I’m crazy.
I have been with my girlfriend for about 4 and a half years now. We started dating when we were in high school (i was 16 and she was just about to turn 16 in a few months). I love her more than anything in the whole world. But ever since we started dating, i lost contact with all my closest friends, both male and female. She always finds problems with them. I have been loyal to her, i never once thought about cheating.
I used to be known by everyone in my batch and the younger people. And had not one enemy because i was always friendly and kind and outgoing with people. And because of that, i was popular with people, even the teachers lived me even though im mischievous in class and school. Fuck it, even the principal knew me. Both me and my big brother who was graduated by then. I had a really good reputation and it’s not because i tried to, its because I genuinely was kind and caring while also being fun and mischievous and athletic! (I understand that i wasnt the smartest kid around). Where as my gf was mostly surrounded by 3 toxic friends who equally lacked the social skills but was feeding negative and toxic things into her mind. My girl is smart and beautiful and extremely talented in sports as well! But those friends of hers were lazy at studies, tries to act like they’re it and like they are princesses who know exactly how people are when they are just protected children who hasn’t interacted with people! (They genuinely thought that life always goes as it is in movies). They brought down her grades massively and were hiding behind my girl while she does the dirty work guided by the things they put into her mind. They are also to blame for her starting to think I’m cheating on her with other girls or doing things behind her back. My girlfriend also lacks the ability to empathize and understand people at all. I partly blame the fact that she has almost never been exposed to interacting with public and was always protected by her family. But she deeply cares and tries to protect the people closest to her. Hence, the reason she did the dirty work of those toxic friends of hers.
She told me to stop hanging out with the guys who always had my back, who have helped me even in the little things, the guys i used to have friendly rivalries in sports and gaming. They were my brothers and people who i have even considered to be my bestmen when i marry. And she knew that. But she made me to stop hanging out with them. For the littlest things, for inability to understand how boys are. Obviously boys act differently towards each other. That’s what friends are. Thats what makes us G’s. Some of my friends did warn me about her, that she and those 3 friends of hers have a bit of a bad reputation. But they all were really open to my feelings and genuinely gave her a chance and we’re friendly to her. I just wish she was the same. They were happy for me and didn’t want to do anything that would hurt my relationship badly. But when they saw that she just won’t stop with the misunderstanding and trying to push me away, they tried to do their best to pull me closer too. But none of them tried to force me out of the relationship, they all adviced me though. That i have 3 choices, fix the relationship and make her have a change of heart so i can hangout with my friends, break up with her, or let go of them. I obviously decided option 1. But sadly it didn’t work.
And from girls, there was one girl in my friend group that she hated for some little reasons. But i know if she actually tried to, they could have been really close. She was in a different class and some girls in my class were pretty popular as well. And as I mentioned, i was really close with my friends girls too. But i always kept my girlfriend above them. Even so, my girlfriend wanted me to completely stop talking to that girl she hates and she wanted me to be rude to her and hate her too. I obviously can’t do that, a bond i have cannot be just broken and turned into hate. I tried to fix the problem there and remove that hate as well. I wanted my girlfriend to see that the problem that’s there between them is a simple thing that can be fixed. But her pride and ego is too massive for her to let go. She pretended to try but didn’t put even 1% of effort in it. I gave as much effort as i can with her friends... but she didn’t. I never told her to stop talking to her friends. NEVER. I only advised her of the things I felt, and i asked her to think about it herself, she let them go only when they told her that she spends time with me more than them which is not true at all, they know it and she knows it... every person who knows about our relationship knew it’s a stupid reason to start treating her differently. So she let them go... so coming back to my story... this hate towards her the spread like a flame to the other girl in my class, which those toxic friends of hers had a massive role in. How am I supposed to stop completely talking to people in my own classroom? How am I supposed to let go of friends girl or boys who i have created a memories and strong bonds? They all tried to befriend my gf but she doesn’t try at all! In the end my teacher found out about relationship and advised me about it too but i was so blinded by love that i never listened to anyone! So i lost contact with my friends both girls and boys! We went to college where some of my closest friends went to, by then my girl did let me talk to them, but it’s as if we were acquaintances and not friends. And she still continued to judge people.
She even started these things with my family! I don’t think there is a single member in my family she hasn’t had an issue with! Even my baby cousin who just turned 4! My mother and father and brother too! Every single person! She tried to make me stay home when we planned family trips which we rarely ever get to go! But she goes on more than 20 trips a year! She doesn’t let me have time with my family bc i have to text her or call her! She blames me for her having a bad life in high school! She blames me for having a bad time in college! And now she’s having a bad time in uni. She acts as her and her family are the perfect people! And i have changed a lot! I was the most patient man you would ever meet... and i am patient towards people who aren’t my family. But I get upset quickly towards her and my family now. I dont have much fun memories in high school and at home, we’re at uni in a different country, most of my friends who were close to me dont know where i am no. I dont have social media other than one chatting app bc she made me delete them, i only have a few contacts saved on my phone. And recently when she gets angry she gets a bit physical. And she says i have changed a lot. But she never tried to understand why i have changed. She says that you only need 2 or 3 close friends. But the friends “we” have are choices of her own. She gets in the way of my decisions, where she thinks her advise is better than my own mothers. To avoid fights in my relationship and to stop a fight where she says i always choose others over her or where she says that i never take her side and say my family is always right, i follow her advise. And some of those have come back to haunt me. I sometimes think back to when i used to have fun with my friends. Or when i have fun with my family. It’s so sad, if she stopped her attitude, made the relationship we have more important to her than her pride and ego, thought of my family as her own and treated it equally, and just listen to me and trust my decisions as a man, we could make this work. She sometimes understands that she has an issue with anger. But that’s it. She says that her rude attitude is actually her being a genuine and real person. Which is bullshit. There is a line between being true and being rude which she doesn’t see. She says that she has an attitude and if i dont like it i can leave which she know that if i wanted to leave i would have gone a long time ago, she blames me for people thinking badly of her when I really tried and people really tried (and there are instances where I actually had some fake friends who were rude to her, i stood up for her and took her side. Which she doesn’t appreciate).
And I’m not an angel. I never said i was perfect, i was never said I haven’t done wrong. I have lied to her about things. But all of those lies were to hangout with my friends, or because I know she’ll freak out if i tell her, to avoid unnecessary arguments, to stop arguments. But i dont have friends to go hangout with anymore or play some games or anything. I still have to hide some little details about anything regarding females. Even if i said i had a casual conversation with a girl, I would end up in a fight. It has reduced though, she understands a bit more now. But with this rate of growth, i would be old and dead by the time she understands.
But I know she cares and loves me, she made a huge decision of giving up her medicine degree to do it later just because I couldn’t get in at the time as well. She helped me with my studies, she has stood up for me even to lecturers when i have been treated unfairly, sometimes secretly and sometimes without listening to me, because she knows that I’m too forgiving to people and too kind to people and sometimes they abuse that about me. She has made sure and advised me to not let people walk all over me just because I’m too kind and forgiving and i know if I’m hurt or injured she’ll put away everything to come for me... I truly do lover her... i couldn’t stand to leave her, i want her and need her but I just want her to understand me, who I am and what i need. I always try my best to keep her happy. I don’t want to leave her.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?!
#relationship #toxic #advise #depression #sadness #needhelp #help #love #cheating #relationshipproblems
Hello!
I confess to being a cocaine addict, among other things that I want to confess about. This is a long story and I will keep it as short as possible. It all started when I was in middle school, just as I was finishing 8th grade, i had reached a point in my life where I had become aware of how alone I was. I was being bullied my whole life in high school but only when I turned 14 did the loneliness begin to really hit me. I wanted to fit in with everyone so badly that I was willing to do anything. Once, I saw a group of popular kids doing drugs in the bathroom stall and they caught me looking at them. I asked if I could join and they didn't believe that a girl like me would even dare to do drug with them and thats when the insecure little girl inside me forced me to put aside all rationality and I just went for it. Since that day I have been battling addiction, depression and anxiety. I have to spend the rest of my life popping pills for my withdrawal symptoms and depression and I have to work my ass off to get my self-esteem back on track all for a second of impulsivity. Till today, I would say that i regret no thinking of the consequences. I regret not thinking of myself or my family before jumping into the trap. More than anything, I want to go back to the day and get the last 6 years of my life back...
Scared is the word I would use right now to define my life at the moment. It's not just school, I am scared of being left alone. I think my boyfriend is about to leave me for someone else. I know he's having an affair with another woman, but I can't leave him. I can't be alone right now so I have to take it I guess. It's just a matter of time until he realizes what a boring and annoying person I am and then he'll leave me forever.
I am scared of people. Social anxiety is nothing to take lightly.
Sometimes I even can't leave my house or my bed. Other people scare me. They might talk to me. What do I reply?
I think I need help.
Life is nothing but a series of endless financial losses until you eventually kill yourself. I was finally starting to make some decent money for once fml..
I can't tell if I'm a masochist because I like the pain in a sexual way or because I think I deserve it for being a horrible person in my own head. There is this guy I like and we have had sex a couple times, he's really awesome and super attractive, which makes me feel like I don't deserve him.
Whenever we get into it he is always asking "Is this okay?" and says things like, "Let me know if this is too much." I tell him I'll let him know.... but I don't think I ever would and I think maybe he knows that, because he hasn't really done anything super intense. He has pulled my hair a couple of times, spanked me... bitten me lightly.... but he could get away with so much more. I would let him beat the shit out of me if he just promised to love me. He wouldn't even have to be faithful and I would probably still want him around. I just don't want to be alone, but I don't want to be with someone who is unattractive either.
#depression #love #abuse #masochism #mental #health #lonelyness
I think having no one to talk to for like a year and a half has warped me. Now I’m going days and days without sleep. I think i leave comments because that’s my only human interaction. I type to myself.
But If no one wants to listen to me, or talk to me. And I’m confused and not sleeping, then no one wants to read my foolishness anyways. I’m going to try to just stop unless it’s important. I doubt it last an hour.
My exams are going on now and Im really stressed.
I don't even know how to start. I'm scared. I have to study all night. Also I Have depression and anxiety and also get panic attacks. My parents doesn't care about anything else except grades and shit. My parents got in a big fight 2 weeks ago and my dad went to Singapore for business but he still hasn't called once. My mom says that i never know what's going on in the family and stuff and yells at me and hits me. She doesn't know how stressed I am and I worry about stuff so much.
I have no one to talk to. I see my friends at school and we can't really talk much because of exams. There's a lot more stuff and things are much more complicated than this but I really wanted to let out these stuff. I'm even thinking of taking drugs.
#exams #depression #anxiety #stress
I think I'm depressed but I don't know what to do about it. I can't go to school and it's especially hard on a Monday when I get this heavy, dull feeling I can't shake. But I sleep perfectly every night. My family think I'm just moody but it's more than that; the "moods" I get last for a long time and it's like I can't see the so called 'light at the end of the tunnel' and I've thought about suicide a lot.
I couldn't ever kill my self though because of my family and best friend and what that would do to them but it's really bad today. I call them "bad days" and only my friend knows about this because I skip school a lot and she covers for me.
I dont know what to do or how to tell my family... or if I even want to.
My name is Jenna, I'm 13. I'm in grade 8 now, this started in grade 6. My parents told me they were splitting up (they're together now) but that took a huge toll on me. I cut my wrist for the 1st time and only did it a few more times in grade 6 after that. Once my parents got back together I was so happy and grade 7 I didn't self harm, but that's when I started starving myself because the boys in my class would call me fat a lot. Now I'm in grade 8 and I didn't think it was possible but I'm way worse then I ever have been. My parents know about my depression, cutting and eating issue and a few of my friends do too. They say they're there for me but they never check up on me or let me open up to them. This year I haven't been eating much, I've lost 30 pounds and I'm still losing more. My best friend of 4 years left me and hates me now. My boyfriend cheated on me twice with my ex best friend. I was diagnosed with depression this year and I cut almost everyday and I've attempted suicide but failed unfortunately. I'm so unhappy and depressed and no one knows how I feel. I wish someone would reach out and help because I'm so done with life. I'm on the edge ready to end it and no one can stop me..
Do you ever feel like you’re tearing at the seams and you know you have to be the one to sew yourself back together, but you start to notice that you’re running out of thread?
I've always been depressed. For as long as I can remember the past 7 years have been hell in my life. There were some really good times when the flame gets too hot you enjoy it, like spending time with your family or staying up with your one friend but every single night, for the past 7 years, not once did I feel I was good with life. I'm not suicidal anymore, I think it's ridiculous. I don't self harm, or do anything I don't want to to my body. I'm so tired of life, but I don't want to die either. I want to pause, sit still, be quite and freeze everything around me. I want to be completely alone, surrounded by no one and nothing. No light, no color, no voice, sounds, or noise. I want the whole world to stop.
#depression #time #quite
Its been about 3 years since I admitted to my self that I was depressed. I have always been the one to do stupid things but after those things happen, feelings start to seep in the voices start to get to my head, you are a stupid girl, a brat not worth anything, why don't you just leave it would save them all this trouble. You wouldn't be I missed, you are worh nothing, all you cause is heart ache...ect. These tpes of things always ran threw my mind, and soon and still I believe it. All it seems I can do well is suck money from my parents and pain for my friends and family and the people around me. It seems like no matter what I do , it wont stop. I cut sometimes when I get it deep and I also beat myself over it. I feel like no mstter what even my mom hstes me and my dad to. Sometimes I think of running away, or just kill myself, or just ask my parents to put me up for
adoption. But I am to selfish to do that. I just want to be set free and live with god and the ones that I cant hurt anymore. That would make them happy....
That was me then but now its starting to change I now understand if I do those things I would hurt them even more, I am now starting to open up even more about my feeings but I still keep some of them hidden but it is getting better I found the light at the end of the tunnel and now I am following it and chasing it it will get etter, but I still got a ways to go. No matter what just look for that light no matter how dim it is and go grab it,. It will be worth it!
I got my bf a headset for his birthday when he broke his phone because I wanted to talk to him, you know I’m attached and shit, but now I completely regret it because he spends ALLL OF HIS TIME TALKING TO HIS FRIENDS AND IGNORING ME, like it actually makes me depressed.
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