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This is really not a sin, more like something I wanted off my chest and to be honest about. So I have a best friend and she is going through a really difficult time. She has depression and social anxiety and ever since she told me I have tried to be positive about it and support her as much as I can. I always believed and still believe that she will overcome this phase of her life. But recently the positive feelings that I shared towards her has really diminished and I blame her, even though it's not entirely her fault. She told me a month back that she actually had a romantic crush on me during our high school days . It came as a huge shock to me as I had no idea about it. I felt honoured but sad at the same time that I could not return her feelings. Also, I understood the fact that she was just trying to come clean but...the fact that she told me this kind of makes me angry. Because ever since she told me , I have had to be careful. Before her confession, I didn't think twice before telling her I love you or even going as far as inventing our ship names. But now I can't go back to how I was with her and I blame her. After that , due to her fragile state she always calls me if something troubles her and I feel duty bound to pick up her call. Recently I was on a trip with my family and while on the road she called me and she was crying. I got so worried that I made my family stop the motorbike I was riding and talked to her. As usual it was a silly reason that triggered her off. But I understood all that . I do get it so I didn't complain, no matter how much she called me or get paranoid over the smallest things. But two days back, she called me threatening to harm herself and I didn't know what to do. I tried to stop her by yelling at her , begging and then crying. But she just told me to tell her parents that she had done it and disconnected the call. Frantically and crying all the while I called her family to inform them. Thankfully she was hospitalised and is okay now. It wasn't that serious and she knew what she was doing as she is actually studying medical. After that I talked to her sister about it and she told me that everything that she was doing recently was somehow manifesting itself in the form of seeking attention from others and later when I talked to her she even confessed to it by saying she won't do it twice as the second time she won't receive any sympathy. I didn't know what to say to that. So I didn't. I am going to meet her day after tomorrow but to be honest I don't want to. I feel like I have lost all the warm feelings I had towards her. I still wish the best for her and want her to be okay soon. But I will be lying to myself if I don't admit that I think I have lost my best friend. Although I do know that right now she needs to find herself more than I need to find my best friend. I know I am being selfish but I really don't want to pretend any more. I am just so tired of it all and specially her. Nothing feels genuine any more and I really don't know what to do anymore.
I love my friend. I love love him. Ever since I found out he only wants me as a friend, I’ve been super depressed. I’ve lost my appetite and I’m trying hard not to be harsh or act weird toward him. But his rejection is all I can think about. I don’t know what to. I just feel like he’s going to walk out on me and I’m going to be without a friend
I have been with my girlfriend for about 4 and a half years now. We started dating when we were in high school (i was 16 and she was just about to turn 16 in a few months). I love her more than anything in the whole world. But ever since we started dating, i lost contact with all my closest friends, both male and female. She always finds problems with them. I have been loyal to her, i never once thought about cheating.
I used to be known by everyone in my batch and the younger people. And had not one enemy because i was always friendly and kind and outgoing with people. And because of that, i was popular with people, even the teachers lived me even though im mischievous in class and school. Fuck it, even the principal knew me. Both me and my big brother who was graduated by then. I had a really good reputation and it’s not because i tried to, its because I genuinely was kind and caring while also being fun and mischievous and athletic! (I understand that i wasnt the smartest kid around). Where as my gf was mostly surrounded by 3 toxic friends who equally lacked the social skills but was feeding negative and toxic things into her mind. My girl is smart and beautiful and extremely talented in sports as well! But those friends of hers were lazy at studies, tries to act like they’re it and like they are princesses who know exactly how people are when they are just protected children who hasn’t interacted with people! (They genuinely thought that life always goes as it is in movies). They brought down her grades massively and were hiding behind my girl while she does the dirty work guided by the things they put into her mind. They are also to blame for her starting to think I’m cheating on her with other girls or doing things behind her back. My girlfriend also lacks the ability to empathize and understand people at all. I partly blame the fact that she has almost never been exposed to interacting with public and was always protected by her family. But she deeply cares and tries to protect the people closest to her. Hence, the reason she did the dirty work of those toxic friends of hers.
She told me to stop hanging out with the guys who always had my back, who have helped me even in the little things, the guys i used to have friendly rivalries in sports and gaming. They were my brothers and people who i have even considered to be my bestmen when i marry. And she knew that. But she made me to stop hanging out with them. For the littlest things, for inability to understand how boys are. Obviously boys act differently towards each other. That’s what friends are. Thats what makes us G’s. Some of my friends did warn me about her, that she and those 3 friends of hers have a bit of a bad reputation. But they all were really open to my feelings and genuinely gave her a chance and we’re friendly to her. I just wish she was the same. They were happy for me and didn’t want to do anything that would hurt my relationship badly. But when they saw that she just won’t stop with the misunderstanding and trying to push me away, they tried to do their best to pull me closer too. But none of them tried to force me out of the relationship, they all adviced me though. That i have 3 choices, fix the relationship and make her have a change of heart so i can hangout with my friends, break up with her, or let go of them. I obviously decided option 1. But sadly it didn’t work.
And from girls, there was one girl in my friend group that she hated for some little reasons. But i know if she actually tried to, they could have been really close. She was in a different class and some girls in my class were pretty popular as well. And as I mentioned, i was really close with my friends girls too. But i always kept my girlfriend above them. Even so, my girlfriend wanted me to completely stop talking to that girl she hates and she wanted me to be rude to her and hate her too. I obviously can’t do that, a bond i have cannot be just broken and turned into hate. I tried to fix the problem there and remove that hate as well. I wanted my girlfriend to see that the problem that’s there between them is a simple thing that can be fixed. But her pride and ego is too massive for her to let go. She pretended to try but didn’t put even 1% of effort in it. I gave as much effort as i can with her friends... but she didn’t. I never told her to stop talking to her friends. NEVER. I only advised her of the things I felt, and i asked her to think about it herself, she let them go only when they told her that she spends time with me more than them which is not true at all, they know it and she knows it... every person who knows about our relationship knew it’s a stupid reason to start treating her differently. So she let them go... so coming back to my story... this hate towards her the spread like a flame to the other girl in my class, which those toxic friends of hers had a massive role in. How am I supposed to stop completely talking to people in my own classroom? How am I supposed to let go of friends girl or boys who i have created a memories and strong bonds? They all tried to befriend my gf but she doesn’t try at all! In the end my teacher found out about relationship and advised me about it too but i was so blinded by love that i never listened to anyone! So i lost contact with my friends both girls and boys! We went to college where some of my closest friends went to, by then my girl did let me talk to them, but it’s as if we were acquaintances and not friends. And she still continued to judge people.
She even started these things with my family! I don’t think there is a single member in my family she hasn’t had an issue with! Even my baby cousin who just turned 4! My mother and father and brother too! Every single person! She tried to make me stay home when we planned family trips which we rarely ever get to go! But she goes on more than 20 trips a year! She doesn’t let me have time with my family bc i have to text her or call her! She blames me for her having a bad life in high school! She blames me for having a bad time in college! And now she’s having a bad time in uni. She acts as her and her family are the perfect people! And i have changed a lot! I was the most patient man you would ever meet... and i am patient towards people who aren’t my family. But I get upset quickly towards her and my family now. I dont have much fun memories in high school and at home, we’re at uni in a different country, most of my friends who were close to me dont know where i am no. I dont have social media other than one chatting app bc she made me delete them, i only have a few contacts saved on my phone. And recently when she gets angry she gets a bit physical. And she says i have changed a lot. But she never tried to understand why i have changed. She says that you only need 2 or 3 close friends. But the friends “we” have are choices of her own. She gets in the way of my decisions, where she thinks her advise is better than my own mothers. To avoid fights in my relationship and to stop a fight where she says i always choose others over her or where she says that i never take her side and say my family is always right, i follow her advise. And some of those have come back to haunt me. I sometimes think back to when i used to have fun with my friends. Or when i have fun with my family. It’s so sad, if she stopped her attitude, made the relationship we have more important to her than her pride and ego, thought of my family as her own and treated it equally, and just listen to me and trust my decisions as a man, we could make this work. She sometimes understands that she has an issue with anger. But that’s it. She says that her rude attitude is actually her being a genuine and real person. Which is bullshit. There is a line between being true and being rude which she doesn’t see. She says that she has an attitude and if i dont like it i can leave which she know that if i wanted to leave i would have gone a long time ago, she blames me for people thinking badly of her when I really tried and people really tried (and there are instances where I actually had some fake friends who were rude to her, i stood up for her and took her side. Which she doesn’t appreciate).
And I’m not an angel. I never said i was perfect, i was never said I haven’t done wrong. I have lied to her about things. But all of those lies were to hangout with my friends, or because I know she’ll freak out if i tell her, to avoid unnecessary arguments, to stop arguments. But i dont have friends to go hangout with anymore or play some games or anything. I still have to hide some little details about anything regarding females. Even if i said i had a casual conversation with a girl, I would end up in a fight. It has reduced though, she understands a bit more now. But with this rate of growth, i would be old and dead by the time she understands.
But I know she cares and loves me, she made a huge decision of giving up her medicine degree to do it later just because I couldn’t get in at the time as well. She helped me with my studies, she has stood up for me even to lecturers when i have been treated unfairly, sometimes secretly and sometimes without listening to me, because she knows that I’m too forgiving to people and too kind to people and sometimes they abuse that about me. She has made sure and advised me to not let people walk all over me just because I’m too kind and forgiving and i know if I’m hurt or injured she’ll put away everything to come for me... I truly do lover her... i couldn’t stand to leave her, i want her and need her but I just want her to understand me, who I am and what i need. I always try my best to keep her happy. I don’t want to leave her.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?!
#relationship #toxic #advise #depression #sadness #needhelp #help #love #cheating #relationshipproblems
Sometimes I lie about being depressed. My friends are so oblivious. I just want to be appreciated and get some attention. But I'll never take it to the extreme. Age: 13 y/o
I can't tell if I'm a masochist because I like the pain in a sexual way or because I think I deserve it for being a horrible person in my own head. There is this guy I like and we have had sex a couple times, he's really awesome and super attractive, which makes me feel like I don't deserve him.
Whenever we get into it he is always asking "Is this okay?" and says things like, "Let me know if this is too much." I tell him I'll let him know.... but I don't think I ever would and I think maybe he knows that, because he hasn't really done anything super intense. He has pulled my hair a couple of times, spanked me... bitten me lightly.... but he could get away with so much more. I would let him beat the shit out of me if he just promised to love me. He wouldn't even have to be faithful and I would probably still want him around. I just don't want to be alone, but I don't want to be with someone who is unattractive either.
#depression #love #abuse #masochism #mental #health #lonelyness
You are my first love. I can’t get over you. But you got over me real quick. It’s funny that you mean so much to me but I never meant anything to you.
I want to shoot myself in the fucking mouth. I can't do anything right and I'm not good enough for my girlfriend. I just want it all to end
I think I'm depressed but I don't know what to do about it. I can't go to school and it's especially hard on a Monday when I get this heavy, dull feeling I can't shake. But I sleep perfectly every night. My family think I'm just moody but it's more than that; the "moods" I get last for a long time and it's like I can't see the so called 'light at the end of the tunnel' and I've thought about suicide a lot.
I couldn't ever kill my self though because of my family and best friend and what that would do to them but it's really bad today. I call them "bad days" and only my friend knows about this because I skip school a lot and she covers for me.
I dont know what to do or how to tell my family... or if I even want to.
I got my bf a headset for his birthday when he broke his phone because I wanted to talk to him, you know I’m attached and shit, but now I completely regret it because he spends ALLL OF HIS TIME TALKING TO HIS FRIENDS AND IGNORING ME, like it actually makes me depressed.
I’ve been with my wife since I was 17 , I love her and have only had sex with her because I met her so young and because I wasn’t attractive When I was younger so I had a harder time getting girls . She was 8 years older then me and was very sexually active before she met me and adventurous.
Now she’s not really into sex , barely giving it to me once a month And I look much better now that I work out and style myself and girls hit on me all the time . It’s sucks all I want is sex but I don’t want to ruin our marriage or family for it since she won’t ever give it up. I tell her all the time how good she looks and buy her gifts . It just sucks .ive tried talking to her about it but she thinks I should be happy with what I get .
Really blows . I feel like she doesn’t care about me or love me but I stay with her for my kids they are the best .
#depression #sad #lonley #wife
My brother was about to shoot himself and I called the police on him to intervene. He doesn’t talk to me anymore, his guns was removed and he got issued a few fines. Lost his job. He hates me with everything he has and secretly I love it. I love that he hates me, that he feels this great emotion towards me because it means his still alive. All I want is for him to keep fighting and if his hatred for me keeps him alive then I hope he hates me forever. If I had a chance I wouldn’t change a thing. The pain of you hating me wouldn’t hold a candle to the pain of never being able to see you grow old. I love you my brother
#suicide #brother #confession #depression #scared #pain
Do you ever feel like you’re tearing at the seams and you know you have to be the one to sew yourself back together, but you start to notice that you’re running out of thread?
Im a mother of 2 and ive secluded myself from my friends. None of my friends know that i have kids and that im married.
I like to be alone. Or don't I? Do I actually despise it? Do I crave more human interaction and just deny myself of that fact? I think of myself as quite the lone wolf. And I thought I'm fine with that.. Realisation hits now.. It's hitting me hard. Slapping the fact in my face that I've never been able to keep the people in my life that I wanted to keep in it. I hide the fact that I'm quite toxic, or can be quite toxic, behind telling myself and others that I'm an ideal lone wolf.. And that I'm okay with it. But am I? I don't know that for a fact. I guess I'm not. I like to think of myself as an introverted empath. Maybe I'm an extroverted, choleric aashole in reality..
Sometimes I write suicide notes and hide them in my room until I can leave them on my desk before I overdose on pills.
I hate my life. I have hit rock bottom. My wife of five years, together for fourteen years cheated lied and style since I met her. We divorced and now I find out she is fucking one of my buddies. He just had a baby. She broke them up. A six months later I meet this beautiful lady, we hit it off, had crazy hot frequent kinky sex, fell in love. Turns out the entire time she has been fucking other dudes from a hookup site. Just before I figure all that out she rips me off.
So I start thinking about this right. There's a trend. All my friends, buddies, even best friends, all the people I've had in my life including the two women have faded away when I can't lend money or help them out. The only people who call me ask for money or favours. I'm not rich by any means, but I share what I have.
Now I'm broke and alone. No friends left, my fucking dog doesn't even like me anymore I think. My whole life everybody who smiles at me has been laughing at me. Look at that idiot go. Moron doesn't even know I'm fucking his woman. Borrowed money off him to go party with other guys.
I'm done. People suck. I have nothing left.
I don't really have a goal in life, I ve helped taking care of my family all my life, I feel that, when my mom and sick uncle are not longer around, the only thing left for me is make sure my niece and nephew are well taken care of and then kill my self
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