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A lot of people look up to me and think of me as some cool guy who’s smart and knows where he’s headed and has tons of friends but in reality I’m so lonely and I don’t know what I’m doing nor where I’m headed, or how I’m going to do this or that because my whole family is fucked up, but to other people I’m a leader, no body sees the loneliness and how just awkward I am somehow everyone looks past it for whatever reason or they’re just blind to see it.
I am in love of a man that's twenty years older than me, and I'm pretty sure he has no clue I exist. He's clearly in love of someone else and every time I see them together, I feel like my world is falling apart.
#heartbreak #sad #lonely
I can't tell if I'm a masochist because I like the pain in a sexual way or because I think I deserve it for being a horrible person in my own head. There is this guy I like and we have had sex a couple times, he's really awesome and super attractive, which makes me feel like I don't deserve him.
Whenever we get into it he is always asking "Is this okay?" and says things like, "Let me know if this is too much." I tell him I'll let him know.... but I don't think I ever would and I think maybe he knows that, because he hasn't really done anything super intense. He has pulled my hair a couple of times, spanked me... bitten me lightly.... but he could get away with so much more. I would let him beat the shit out of me if he just promised to love me. He wouldn't even have to be faithful and I would probably still want him around. I just don't want to be alone, but I don't want to be with someone who is unattractive either.
#depression #love #abuse #masochism #mental #health #lonelyness
I love him, but I'm tired of being patient and accepting his moody whims and anxiety driven doubts. Sometimes I want to scream at him "grow the fuck up!" But instead I calm myself and busy myself with cleaning or go do something alone to breathe through my frustration and anger.
He's in his mid-30s and a divorced father, so I expect him to be a bit more mature than he is, but maybe that's my problem. We are the same age and it's frustrating that he hasn't learned how to be more responsible and take more initiative.
He seems incapable of moving forward and making decisions about his future, which is largely because he endlessly feels stuck by his kids and hopeless about the future.
We are adults, it's time to stop crying over the spoiled milk and make the most of the life we have, which is pretty amazing actually. He backed out of marriage and now he wants to back out of living together, but still claims to love me and want to be only with me. Truth is, if I move out to "give him time" to get his shit together, I already have my eye on another guy who can warm my bed for me. I hate being alone. I hate living alone. I have feeling alone. If he can't understand that after everything we've been through, then he doesn't really know anything about me. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone I didn't give birth to, but I'm tired of being the after thought. I'd like to be someone's priority for a change because I always prioritize the person I'm with.
I'm so fucking angry I want to scream. Why do men have to be so fucking selfish!? Even the good ones have a sense of entitlement that because I'm a woman I'll pick up their mess and help them take care of their kids because they're in over their head. Then they take advantage of me, like I'm nothing special for taking care of them and theirs.
I got a lot of love to give and I spoil my man as much as I can, so what gives? Why is it fine for me to take my man out for his birthday and he can't even write my name on a store bought card let alone take me out to dinner!?! I'm gone for a WEEK and I come back and the house is destroyed. He leaves for 4 days and comes back to a clean house. I go out for groceries, I bring back stuff he likes. I make little things to remind him I love him and show him I'm his. I don't yell or complain or whine or bring up crap that's done and over with. I never get jealous or pressure him for more time. I'm a really great girlfriend, actually. I don't spend his money or expect him to buy me things. I don't mess with his stuff or make our life about me. I love his family and remember important dates, I take care of his kids and try to be fun and supportive and loving and happy. When something goes wrong, I shrug it off and keep moving forward. I hold him when he's hurting and celebrate when he's excited about something. What else am I supposed to do? I never deny him sex and we have a great sex life. I cuddle him and give him attention all the time, flirting or being playful, teasing and just being warm and kind. If he needs space, I'm happy to give him space and go do my own thing. But if I want to go out, it's usually he wants to stay home. I'll be the third or fifth wheel with my friends because he just wants to stay home.
I know I deserve to be treated better, but I don't know if I believe such a man exists. My boyfriend is the best guy I've ever met, even all this bullshit included, because I have known a lot of selfish assholes. I've loved addicts and mentally ill men. I've taken care of them as they cry on the toilet, shitting while they're high and depressed. I hold them as they sob ugly tears because they've cheated on me or found themselves in a bad place and they know they're hurting me - but I can't stand to see them so destroyed so I hold them and let them fall apart while I hush them and tell them it's going to be ok, that I still love them. Because I do still love them.
I want to cut out my own heart and light it on fire. I don't want to be swayed by men. I don't want to love my boyfriend so much that I put up with all his bullshit, waiting for him to figure it out because he's been at a disadvantage for so long. I am so weary of this fucking life. I can't be anything but nice. It's not in me to bitch at people or be mean. I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want someone to love me and think I'm special with as much excitement and effort as I put into my love and admiration of them. Even steven. Is that really too much to ask?
Sometimes I wish I got cancer again, just from the attention I'd get.
I have this dream last night. It seems that I am in some kind of party, In that party, there is this guy.
I've been eyeing on this guy and that guy is unfortunately interested with my best friend. They are indeed in love with each other. And I was left there alone. A few guys ask me few questions, I thought at last someone is interested at me. But in the end they just approached me because they are interested with my best friend (which is with the guy I like).
I woke up at 2:00 in the morning. I had a hard time sleeping back, and I cried.... and cried myself to sleep.
I don't know that guy and I know it's not real, but the pain remains. I don't know why..
or maybe I know why .. It's really hard when someone you like, love someone who is so close to you.. in real life... it's my sister. I know .. I know.. blood is thicker than water.. but it's a real pain..
I sometimes cry... but no.. not because of them... but because.. I feel unlove. (my family loves me.. I mean you know, someone special.. a guy) I feel unattractive and all... Gosh I wish someone will love me now.. It's kinda shallow.. but it's basically what everyone wants.
I just have never been a serious relationship and have always wanted to I really want someone to genuinely love me so I have romantic scenes playing in my head like all the time
I often contemplate divorce, I love my wife but I have not been happy for years and I keep convincing myself things will get better but I'm starting to get the the point where I dont care anymore.
I confess I don’t know how to talk to girls.
#lonely #frustrated #mad #bored #sex #judgemental #been #a #while #stupid #ex
Yesterday I finally decided to move out from my parent's house. I am 31 years old (going to turn 32 next monday) and I was always frightened to leave home to live in my own. I now live about 10 minutes away from home, in a small flat and I consider to buy me a cat or something because I feel very lonley. I miss my parents so much, it's awful. But I can't tell anymore because it would be too embarrassing. :(
Im so sick of not being wanted, I just want a girl to be horny for me, I'm sick of feeling inadequate and unfuckable.
It's made me angry, but it's made me afraid, because I loved you, I love you, and now I'm scared of the people I don't know because I don't know them, and the people I love because I want to be close but if I get close to them then they can get close to me, and no, no, no, don't come close to me, don't touch me, go far, far away, I don't want to see you, but if I can't see you then I can't see you coming, and why can't you understand that there's a difference between trust and forgive because I forgive you and love you but because of you I can never trust you or anyone ever again and I still check under my bed and out my window, and check that I've locked my bedroom door more times than the front door, and I want to get out of here because here's where it happened, but out is where you are and I don't want to go where you are and I'm so lonely, lonely, lonely but I'm scared because I love you.
I have to get this off my chest... I am female and 35 years old and I am lonely. All my friends are in a relationship, have kids and a family to take care of and I sit here all alone with no one to talk to. I am the only single in my whole group of friends and it makes me sick. I would like to go out on the weekend, meet friends and socialize but no one has time for me and I only get excuse after excuse after excuse. I went out and met friends like 2 times the last 5 months!
It got really bad I decided to sign up on Tinder and other dating sites. I was feeling like shit a couple of weeks ago and tried to talk to my best friends. And what happened? No one answered my texts or calls until after the weekend.
I met someone on Tinder and seriously thought about meeting up with him even though I knew that he would be bad for me. But rather this than sitting home alone and suffering.
I have a good job, do not look that bad and I am actually fun to be around. And still.
And fuck my friends, those are no true friends to me anymore!!!
Thank you for letting me share this.
I just want someone to love me. So i fill my life with men, ones that just are in it for the sex
I'm so lonely, I really want someone to play with my hair. I'm so thirsty, I want to go down on a cute girl or femboy or trans. Aslong as while I'm going down my hair is played with.
My ex treated me like crap so I broke up with him but now I’m scared to let someone close to me again, I’m scared to open up again, but I’m also terrified to go back to one night stands because I use to do it so much and I don’t think I can stop once I begin again.
I'm lost and hopeless, but yet im begging to be found, i feel lonely but not alone. I'm sucidual but scared die. I'm slowly falling apart but everyone thinks I'm fine.
#depression #lonely #lost
There's day when I feel 100% and days like today when I want to end it all... I don't know why it's like this or why I tend to get this way but I wish he knew I needed him.
#lonely #hurt #depression
The last few months were really hard for me. I lost my job, my girlfriend dumped me and some of my friends turned their backs on me because they think I'm a total loser.
Some days ago I got totally wasted and emptied my whole stock of alcohol. As you may guess, I threw up. Not just once but several times. The entire apartment stank like hell.
The lady who rented the apartment to me sent me a written warning. She thought I had a party and several people puked.
I wish ‘the one’ or the right guy would hurry up and come already. guys never seem interested in me and i feel forever alone even though i am only 21. guys never ever approach me or ask me out. i rarely also get hit on. this further makes me believe that maybe i am meant to be alone for the rest of my life. i am not fat (5'4 and 125 lbs) and i don’t think i am ugly (at least when i have makeup on).
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