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i feel so lonely, i don't have emotions, no happy, i feel empty, no one cares, and...finally there is one noticed... but i still alone
I wish ‘the one’ or the right guy would hurry up and come already. guys never seem interested in me and i feel forever alone even though i am only 21. guys never ever approach me or ask me out. i rarely also get hit on. this further makes me believe that maybe i am meant to be alone for the rest of my life. i am not fat (5'4 and 125 lbs) and i don’t think i am ugly (at least when i have makeup on).
Im a mother of 2 and ive secluded myself from my friends. None of my friends know that i have kids and that im married.
Is hate towards a person right? I’ve always told myself that hate is a strong word. I try and remind myself that they are loved by others. But I feel nothing but hate towards him. The things he has put me through is unfair. The amount of times I’ve cried. The amount of times I have forgiven and taken him back. Or even tolerating being called all sorts of names. I am a mother. A young mother who grew up with neither of her parents. Who all she wants is to love her kids. For them to grow up with both parents. But how is that possible when the person they love is the same person you hate. They see him as a hero and the best father. While I suffer from the pain and tolerate what he has done. I keep fighting. For them. One day I’ll be strong enough to say enough is enough.
#sad #lonely #relationship #help
Yesterday I finally decided to move out from my parent's house. I am 31 years old (going to turn 32 next monday) and I was always frightened to leave home to live in my own. I now live about 10 minutes away from home, in a small flat and I consider to buy me a cat or something because I feel very lonley. I miss my parents so much, it's awful. But I can't tell anymore because it would be too embarrassing. :(
My neighbors wife straight asked me to come over during the day when her husband is at work for sex.
I have been with her twice already and I don't think I want to stop. She is in her 40s and is a complete freak in bed.
Still not sure what the best course of action is. I am kind of lost and I do not know anything.
I can't tell if I'm a masochist because I like the pain in a sexual way or because I think I deserve it for being a horrible person in my own head. There is this guy I like and we have had sex a couple times, he's really awesome and super attractive, which makes me feel like I don't deserve him.
Whenever we get into it he is always asking "Is this okay?" and says things like, "Let me know if this is too much." I tell him I'll let him know.... but I don't think I ever would and I think maybe he knows that, because he hasn't really done anything super intense. He has pulled my hair a couple of times, spanked me... bitten me lightly.... but he could get away with so much more. I would let him beat the shit out of me if he just promised to love me. He wouldn't even have to be faithful and I would probably still want him around. I just don't want to be alone, but I don't want to be with someone who is unattractive either.
#depression #love #abuse #masochism #mental #health #lonelyness
My husband has feelings for someone else. They are very compatible, and would be perfect for each other. I can tell she feels the same the way she looks at him unaware that I'm watching. It's so familiar because the way she looks at him, is the way I look at another man who is married and he looks at me the same way. We never speak about it and nothing has ever happened, 5 years of a connection, stronger than I have ever felt. I have never felt so lonely.
I order a lot of stuff online. But not because I am a shopaholic or because I got the money but because of the mails I get. I don't receive any mails. I know own over 1000 blu rays.
By the way I also like paying via Paypal because you get 2 mails.
I hate my life at the moment. I do not want to pursue a career. I do not want to do anything. I only want people to love me. Why can't they feel the way I do? I appreciate the people in my life so much and I get little back....
I wish I was everything I’m not
I wish I was skinny
I wish I was pretty
I wish I was lighter
I wish I had friends
I wish I had a life
I wish I wasn’t alone
I wish my life was different
I wish I could switch bodies with someone else, this girl is the person my best friend ditched me for and now I’m just alone, all the things we used to do she does with her. I just don’t know if people can even see me
Im so sick of not being wanted, I just want a girl to be horny for me, I'm sick of feeling inadequate and unfuckable.
My sister and I had the worst fight we ever had. I was being mean by hitting, but not much, but I wasn’t saying anything mean. My sister can control her physical side, but she can’t control her words. She made me feel terrible like a monster, like a pest that wouldn’t go away. Words, to me, cut deeper than the skin. In the midst of our fight, she said she wanted me to scream louder so my dad could come hit me. Said it would make her happy to see me in pain. Whenever she left me alone , I would sob and cry as quietly as I could, so they wouldn’t hear me.
I had cried at least eight times in less than 2 days. Even before the fight I cried because mom and dad wouldn’t really notice me much. One time my mom was with my sister in the kitchen laughing and having fun. I came outside to join, but right when I came mom fell silent. She didn’t acknowledge me at all. I said hi but she didn’t care. I went back in my room.
My sister said don’t go, but I left since I felt left out. Once I left my mom said why should she stay. I heard it and I cried and cried. Then after the fight, dad screamed at me and told my sister to leave me alone. A few minutes later my sister, my dad and my mom were laughing and having fun while I was crying feeling like I didn’t belong. I still feel like I don’t belong . Everyone would be happier, have no more fight, no more cry’s, no more maintenance. I DONT BELONG!!!
#sorry #family #parents #sister #fight #depressed #sad #lonely
A lot of people look up to me and think of me as some cool guy who’s smart and knows where he’s headed and has tons of friends but in reality I’m so lonely and I don’t know what I’m doing nor where I’m headed, or how I’m going to do this or that because my whole family is fucked up, but to other people I’m a leader, no body sees the loneliness and how just awkward I am somehow everyone looks past it for whatever reason or they’re just blind to see it.
I love him, but I'm tired of being patient and accepting his moody whims and anxiety driven doubts. Sometimes I want to scream at him "grow the fuck up!" But instead I calm myself and busy myself with cleaning or go do something alone to breathe through my frustration and anger.
He's in his mid-30s and a divorced father, so I expect him to be a bit more mature than he is, but maybe that's my problem. We are the same age and it's frustrating that he hasn't learned how to be more responsible and take more initiative.
He seems incapable of moving forward and making decisions about his future, which is largely because he endlessly feels stuck by his kids and hopeless about the future.
We are adults, it's time to stop crying over the spoiled milk and make the most of the life we have, which is pretty amazing actually. He backed out of marriage and now he wants to back out of living together, but still claims to love me and want to be only with me. Truth is, if I move out to "give him time" to get his shit together, I already have my eye on another guy who can warm my bed for me. I hate being alone. I hate living alone. I have feeling alone. If he can't understand that after everything we've been through, then he doesn't really know anything about me. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone I didn't give birth to, but I'm tired of being the after thought. I'd like to be someone's priority for a change because I always prioritize the person I'm with.
I'm so fucking angry I want to scream. Why do men have to be so fucking selfish!? Even the good ones have a sense of entitlement that because I'm a woman I'll pick up their mess and help them take care of their kids because they're in over their head. Then they take advantage of me, like I'm nothing special for taking care of them and theirs.
I got a lot of love to give and I spoil my man as much as I can, so what gives? Why is it fine for me to take my man out for his birthday and he can't even write my name on a store bought card let alone take me out to dinner!?! I'm gone for a WEEK and I come back and the house is destroyed. He leaves for 4 days and comes back to a clean house. I go out for groceries, I bring back stuff he likes. I make little things to remind him I love him and show him I'm his. I don't yell or complain or whine or bring up crap that's done and over with. I never get jealous or pressure him for more time. I'm a really great girlfriend, actually. I don't spend his money or expect him to buy me things. I don't mess with his stuff or make our life about me. I love his family and remember important dates, I take care of his kids and try to be fun and supportive and loving and happy. When something goes wrong, I shrug it off and keep moving forward. I hold him when he's hurting and celebrate when he's excited about something. What else am I supposed to do? I never deny him sex and we have a great sex life. I cuddle him and give him attention all the time, flirting or being playful, teasing and just being warm and kind. If he needs space, I'm happy to give him space and go do my own thing. But if I want to go out, it's usually he wants to stay home. I'll be the third or fifth wheel with my friends because he just wants to stay home.
I know I deserve to be treated better, but I don't know if I believe such a man exists. My boyfriend is the best guy I've ever met, even all this bullshit included, because I have known a lot of selfish assholes. I've loved addicts and mentally ill men. I've taken care of them as they cry on the toilet, shitting while they're high and depressed. I hold them as they sob ugly tears because they've cheated on me or found themselves in a bad place and they know they're hurting me - but I can't stand to see them so destroyed so I hold them and let them fall apart while I hush them and tell them it's going to be ok, that I still love them. Because I do still love them.
I want to cut out my own heart and light it on fire. I don't want to be swayed by men. I don't want to love my boyfriend so much that I put up with all his bullshit, waiting for him to figure it out because he's been at a disadvantage for so long. I am so weary of this fucking life. I can't be anything but nice. It's not in me to bitch at people or be mean. I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want someone to love me and think I'm special with as much excitement and effort as I put into my love and admiration of them. Even steven. Is that really too much to ask?
I wear a mask inside. I rent a little corner of a house. All my roommates laugh at me. But I stay in my room & wear a mask when I leave it. My roommates went to beaches & bars before mandates closed them. They brought back covid to all their families. After they got covid a second time & spread it to their families they finally got a vax. But when the beaches & bars re-opened they went again. I got my booster. They got omni & spread it to their families.
I’m so tired of being alone, but I haven’t had covid. They used to have fun & talk to each other. They were conservative & mocked my liberal views. But now they are always mad at each other. They can’t stand the right now. They blame the right for their getting covid 3-4 times. Now they are wearing masks again & getting boosters.
They all seem to have long covid. Their voices are deep & shallow. They walk slow & stay tired. They don’t go do any activities now. They can’t taste food. They don’t seem to notice they stink now. They seem to have allergies now. They sneeze around their pets.
They have stomach issues. Forget things. Are overweight & out of shape. Talk out loud. Get mad over minor things. One not only talks out loud angrily, but seems to answer themself. And starts crying. None of them care about each other now. Long covid?
I’m very sick & old, but they are catching up fast. Sadly, a lot of the family & friends are doing worse than me now. Or passed. I don’t get it. Had everyone worn a homemade mask & social distanced, most would be better. Many still alive.
Well at least I don’t have to hear far right pols now. They finally realize that group doesn’t care about anyone. It was sad to see some who mocked social health care, and now they need it. They’d say people struggling to buy meds needed to get a job. Now they complain about one med costing them hundreds a month. When you suddenly need a bunch of meds; struggle to breath; & stay worn out, it stops being funny.
Their bosses won’t ease up. The costs of meds don’t go down. Now they get it. Its sad to hear those who used to mock mask wearers come home angry that no one will wear a mask. Yet when one seems to have covid, they lie & say its allergies. Then the rest get it. I warned them. They also all want pain meds now. I hate to say it, but they need mental help now. But the far right mocks that, & they used to lean that way. I wish they’d go get help & take some happy meds.
I wonder how much longer I can dodge getting it. Well so far I have. I tell myself I wear my masks so I’ll live longer for my kids. But I stay sad. I try to hold on. But covid has made life so lonely.
I have no goals in life. I have no ambition. I have nothing to thrive for. I have no compassion.
I do not want to waste my life, but I do not know what do change either.
So, I guess, I am just living this blank, unassuming, boring and plain life. And that sucks big time. Why bother living?
#despair #life #boring #lonely #confession
I do not know what to do and I feel so guilty right now. My mother passed away in 2011 and I held her in my arms when she died. After the funeral, the rumours started. Even my sister, who is now not a part of my life anymore because I cut her out, accused me of killing our mother. This was especially hard for me. And now, 8 years later, I still have to listen to those accusations. They say that I treated my mother badly and that I had hit her. I have to disagree. No, I did not! I never hit my mom, but I of course was not the picture perfect son. I made mistakes and I am very sorry for them. I do not pray as often as others might do, but I think about mom all the time. I look after my mother's grave and bring flowers regularly and when I am there I am talking to her and asking her for forgiveness for all the mistakes I made.
Do you think she can hear me?
I think I might be a murderer after all... Am I a bad person? I start to think that I am. I would like to apologize here once more for how I treated my mother some times. I was a teenager and had my own head. I asked for her forgiveness, but is that enough?
Shortly after she died she visited me in my dreams, but now everything is empty. There are only nightmares.
But I will try to get better. To get a better person.
I promise, Mom.
xx
#mom #deceased #died #mother #grave #murderer #sister #empty #lonely #confession #forgiveness #guilty #bad #person
god i am so lonely, i see all these people talking about being in a relationship and i just feel so alone. i haven't been in a relationship in a long time and i miss it
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