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hi,i am m 22
i don't know where to start. i am finding myself in a horrible situation these days. I took admission in a costly university for my graduation degree. I had spent all of the money for my fees over the years on myself and my girlfriend who does not have a clue about this. She thinks i am some rich brat. She loves me a lot and i love her.I always had thought i will make out a way out of my misery. But the problem is now my days here are going to end and i don't have a single clue for what i am going to do next. I want to support my family, i want to give everything to my girl, but all these hopes are fading away. i quit smoking 2 weeks ago, and that is the only thing i had done right in my past 5 years Now i am restless all the time.
I lied to my boyfriend that I was pregnant so that he wouldn't leave me. And now, after 2 years, I still don't have the guts to confess it to him and I feel guilty as fuck.
I've always been an A+ student. Not once did I get a B, not even an A-. Funny story; one time my teacher entered in the wrong grade and told me about it and how I thought I got an F in the class, even though it was a mistake, I started crying my eyes out. I didn't forgive myself when I showed up late to class or turned in a homework assignment 5 minutes late. That's not why I'm writing this confession. I cheat, a lot. I am a university student with perfect grades, and the only way I can get those grades is if I cheat. I will not pass the test, even if I studied day and night for it if I don't cheat on it. That started during my second semester in college and ever since, I've been lazy and discouraged and have no will or reason to continue on with school. The thing is, I know it's wrong, and even if I ever get caught, I will not care whatsoever. But I can't stop myself. I've violeted my trust in myself. My family's and friends' trust in me. The dean of the school and all my professors who have congratulated me on my excellence.
#mistrust #cheating #plagiarism #college #student #professors #work
I've been with my bf for over 6 years. We had previously dated years before that but I was naive back then and he cheated on me. We then broke up but it's more like he dumped me to be with his actual girlfriend at the time as he was only with me then to fill a void that he wasn't getting seen to from his then girlfriend. What sucks is that even after that he would still call me and we would get together but just for me to blow me or make him cum. And I did it because I felt like it was a way for me to still be in his life. I was pathetic. Eventually the user phase ended and I found someone else. And to prove to myself that I wasn't a doormat anymore I used the new guy. Things ended when the my old bf started to message me again. I held out for 6 months because i didn't trust him. He told me changed and then worked at proving that he did change. And we have been together now for over 6 years. It hasn't been easy. I routinely toss out that things are over between us when we have an ugly fight to hurt him because I don't think I'm over the first time around when he used me and I allowed myself to be used.
But I love him so much and the other day he called me a gas lighter. I flipped my lid when he did and ended things. I had to break down in tears to get him to realise what he said had broken me before he even properly apologised and now I feel like he's emotionally abusing me. I always feel like I'm at fault. Like my thoughts and suggestions arent be taken seriously.
It's made me angry, but it's made me afraid, because I loved you, I love you, and now I'm scared of the people I don't know because I don't know them, and the people I love because I want to be close but if I get close to them then they can get close to me, and no, no, no, don't come close to me, don't touch me, go far, far away, I don't want to see you, but if I can't see you then I can't see you coming, and why can't you understand that there's a difference between trust and forgive because I forgive you and love you but because of you I can never trust you or anyone ever again and I still check under my bed and out my window, and check that I've locked my bedroom door more times than the front door, and I want to get out of here because here's where it happened, but out is where you are and I don't want to go where you are and I'm so lonely, lonely, lonely but I'm scared because I love you.
I don't really know it you call this mistrust or what but I feel I'm being put to the test or something by my wife. Everytime I turn around she is embarrassing me in front of friends,family and even complete strangers. My wife is infatuated with the size of my dick and will put me position of helplessness and expose it at every opportunity she gets. Often she will have me carrying something that takes both hands like say a tray of food or beverages and she pull my sweat pants or shorts down to my ankles and it's embarrassing to me but funny as hell to her. It's getting old and she's constantly taking pictures of me in or out of the shower getting dressed and sending them to everyone we know. I believe she is satan's daughter for real. She has even shared them with some of her clients which have actually called me wanting to hookup and when I tell her about their advances she gets soo pissed off and has these fits of rage swearing if I even cheat on her that she will cut it off,which scares me to death. I would not cheat on her because I don't want to not because I can't. As a young teenager I was amused by the women that knew about my size and I had a lot of fun sleeping with a lot of them but when I got married I left that man behind. I do love her but I'm becoming an unhappy man because I don't cheat on her and have never given her a reason to think I would but that's what men get themselves into when want to know about their past sexual encounters and how many we have had. Big mistake even telling her but she kept pushing me until I told her everything. I wish I would've told her I was a virgin when we married but I had been with four of her friends before her. She started dating me just to sleep with me because of what she had heard and we did it the first night we dated and we have been together ever since. This woman is corrupt and evil minded. She didn't act like this until we were married then about a few months later the accusing started about this woman or that woman was looking at my crotch and yeah I noticed at times she was right and it's always obvious that I am endowed but I can't change it. People tell you that hell it's a blessing but lately it feels like a curse and our sex life that once amazing has drop to hardly any which is due to her constant embarrassing me and she thinks I don't have sex with her because I'm cheating. I don't know what to do anymore.
I love my friend. I love love him. Ever since I found out he only wants me as a friend, I’ve been super depressed. I’ve lost my appetite and I’m trying hard not to be harsh or act weird toward him. But his rejection is all I can think about. I don’t know what to. I just feel like he’s going to walk out on me and I’m going to be without a friend
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