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For over a year I’ve been leaving comments and stuff on the net. Part of it was looking for someone. So id leave these crazy stories. The hope was some one who needed me would reach out. Well it worked. They just called up out of the blue. Sadly they need me much more than I thought. I’ll try my best to help, but a lot of damage is done. So sad. Good person that just needed someone to help and love them. Prayers that God will heal this person.
There’s other people who need my help too, one desperately so. I’m trying to help them too. Prayers that God will help me help all of them.
I did try to do good along the way too. I played roles and games. Pretended to be things I’m not.
The goal was to get some positive change. I think I did that.
The pandemic forced us all to try to survive. I played roles: a conservative; a liberal; a moderate; a victim; a funny person, all with various goals.
I wanted to be helpful; educate, and entertain. Try to help the world survive, & myself have interaction. I’ve had basically no human interaction for over a year. So these comments were my inter action with the world.
It’s so strange to see yourself have an impact. At least mine seemed to be for greater good on versions scales.
We're losing the house and I don't know what or how to tell anyone.
I have these desires with my girlfriend, like watching her with other men, swinging, threesomes, gangbangs, orgies, bondage, MFM bi sex, but i'm scared she'll think i'm weird and leave me.
I'm married and sometimes I hate my husband!!! We both used to be very abusive to each other. For years!!! He started the abuse. However, we have both changed drastically. I mean we went from fighting every day. (Fist fighting!) Due to his lies and cheating. He was very controlling and wouldn't allow me to break up with him. I would leave and he would find and stalk me. Begging me to come back and I would go back every time bc I loved him, still do. We've been together forever, I met him when I was 14, he's 5 years older than me. Anyway, we went from fighting every day to no actual fighting just heated arguments. Which is major for us, trust me. We used to fight like cats and dogs. Anyway, we don't anymore. But, I still feel the pain in my heart and mind mainly bc of the last time he cheated. What happened was he cheated for the last time I believe like 8 years ago and got his ex pregnant. They already had 2 kids. Since, they live in a different state and she hardly lets him see the kids he had no idea she was pregnant with the third kid. During the time she was pregnant he went to jail for a year, which had nothing to do with us fighting, by the way. While he was in jail he had enough money saved so he still paid all my bills, rent included. He paid for everything. He just asked me to wait for him. Well, I did. While he was in jail he got "saved or found God." When he out out he asked me to marry him. He said: God spoke to Him and said that I was supposed to be his wife and that God showed him all the messed up and evil things that he has done to me throughout the years with all the lies, deceit, betrayal, abuse, and cheating; etc. He said: God spoke to him and told him to change or he would spend the rest of his life in jail. He hates jail. Well, long story short he told me about all the dreams and/or visions God gave him about our lives and he wrote me a letter and drew me a picture everyday while he was in jail. I listened to him, but I didn't fully believe him. I wanted him to prove that he changed and he did/has repeatedly! He has did a whole 360!!! Anyway, we got married. I didn't know he had a third child with his ex and later when he found out he was too afraid to tell me. He found out when after he got out of jail. Which explains why he wanted to get married so quickly. Anyway, he did change, but I knew there was something still bothering him. I asked and asked. But nothing. Finally, one night he says God told him to tell me. I knew something was wrong bc he never slept. Just tossed and turned all the time. So, when he told me I flipped out!!! I asked for a divorce, but he declined. So, I sought out a few different advisors and they all pretty much gave me the same advice which was to try to make our marriage work especially since he had not cheated during the actual marriage. But I felt bamboozled and devastated!!! I cried for days. So, we went to marriage counseling. He confessed to everything. How many times he cheated on me before we got married, with how many women and most importantly why he did it. Everything!!! I sat there and took it like a CHAMP! I really tried to listen like a friend instead of a wife or woman who felt totally and completely broken. Then we had a sit down with his ex. She hates me, by the way. We got down to the nitty-gritty. I mean how many times did they cheat on me together. Why did she keep the other child a secret from us? When she finally told him, why did he keep it from me? Why did she agree to keep me from knowing there was a third child after the fact? Why did they both have their other two children acting as though they did not have an extra sibling? They were all lying! She did after a while she begged him to tell me. I believe her, but she is still so "in-love" with my husband, she would do anything he says. Not her words, mine. Anyway, now they don't communicate unless I know about it. My husband has sincerely changed, but I'm stuck with all this hurt and pain!!! I'm really trying, but it is so hard. I mean he gives me the majority of his money, tells me all of his whereabouts, I have all of his passwords, he shows me all of his bank statements, he doesn't go see his kids without me, and he doesn't make moves unless I know about it. Yet, and still I am not happy!!! I feel broken!!! I am trying. But I feel like getting revenge!!! Even though I could never see myself having sex with another man. That's the truth. I just want him to hurt the way he has hurt me! I'm struggling!!! I feel like all my innocence was stripped away from me. I genuinely loved someone who didn't know how to love me bk. Now that he is so focused and getting his/our lives together, i.e. about to buy a house, we both are working a good steady jobs, in college, going to church regularly, reading the Bible, and praying together.... Now, I'm the one ready to destroy our family just to give him a taste of his own medicine bc I can't get over the past. PS I'm not an ugly person. In fact, everyone tells me on a regular how beautiful I am and I was raised that my outward beauty should match my inward beauty. So, I have always been forgiving. But now I feel like I'm being overtaken with evil and hatred even though no one knows it. I feel so stupid and stressed out! And I'm always worried that he is going to hurt me again.
I was in love with my friend freshman year. Fully, whole-heartedly in love. She knew it, and she used me. I was her proxy for verbally abusing our social group, so she could seen like the innocent saint. I would have died for her. She threw me away because I was depressed. I hate her now as much as I loved her then. I look back and see her as the selfish hypocrite she really was. Love really does make you blind. Never fall in love with a sociopath.
#abuse #manipulation #hate #love #sociopath #loyalty #liar #lies #sad
Ever since I was a kid I’ve lied. Little and big for no particular reason. Sometimes I get bored so I tell lies. They don’t always affect anyone, and sometimes I don’t tell people. Other times they do hurt people. I’ve lost friends to lies but at this point I can’t stop.
As a kid I always caught flies and other bugs to rip their wings and legs out. After that, I drew "funny" things on them with my window colours.
I told my friend i looked skinny but i was actually really fat when I told her this we later on had a fight so she decided she would tell everyone so I started making up some lies about her.
That's what you get.
As a Christian, I lied to my psychologist.
I told him that my girlfriend killed herself when I was 16 even though I found out in the last year that she actually was still alive.
I just didn't know how else to explain the train wreck of my life.
So now I feel like I need to come clean somehow.
But after I told him he confided in me that he lost a young patient one time earlier in his career and that he struggled for a long time wondering what he could have done to save him.
I feel like I have to level with him, but I feel absolutely wretched that I lied to him and he confided in me like that.
#lies
The last two weeks, I stole more office supplies and was more time on the internet than I worked.
I live in a multi story building with many foreign families and a lot of them have some kind of trouble with the police, distrainors, lawyers and other creditors. When I'm at home, I often hear that there's someone who keeps ringing the door bell, to talk to one of those families. Apart from me, almost no one of these people work, they are sitting at home all day and watch TV and therefore they know who's standing in front of the door and therefore don't open it. But I'm a helpful person so I let them in by pressing the buzzer for the front door down stairs. It's funny to watch the police while they are trying to get entrance to the flat.
#building #foreign #families #funny #police #lawyers #confession
About a month ago, I had a miscarage. I’ve only told my parents and husband about it and they’ve asked me if I was okay. I keep telling them I am and to not say anything to anyone else because it won’t change anything. But the truth is I was never okay to start with and i cry whenever I’m alone and no one can see it.
I took attention seeking to the next level I pertended to have a stalker for 3 years to get guys attention and I'd make fake accounts to show them messges of what happened and stuff and they would fight with the fakes accounts which were me
Lies. During the pandemic ive told many lies. Some on purpose. Some from confusion.
I saw the web as this big fun place. Tell jokes. Tell stories. Make up
Stuff. Entertain each other. I figured people were like me. During this mess ive slept in my car. Went days without food. Been so cold. Been so hot i passed out. Nearly died. Been in a daze. Days & days without sleep. In desperate need of medical help but unable to pay for or reach it. Id use this phone someone else provides for me as a way to pretend im not all alone. But i was. I was all alone.
But there are those who need me. I still do what little i can for them. But its not much.
My mind is clear for a moment. Im sure it wont last. It occurs to me that my funny & entertaining stories may not seem that way to everyone. Yes; we are all trying to lift each other up, to survive this pandemic. But what about the mentally ill with problems worse than me? What if they take either my funny musings when im in a rare stable moment; or my meanderings as i drift thru this pandemic & have no clue what im typing trying to hold on, as “literal”. Oh i dont think i do things like that. Im a pretty nice person. But occasionally my damaged mind focuses enough to see that there are people with the oddest of beliefs. Im not sure how people believe in such things; but some do, so i hope to force myself to just set alone & close myself off. I wouldnt advise that to most. But i spent many years doing exactly that. So if anyone can & stay more or less rational, it should be me. I need to quit using my phone to pretend i have a purpose or meaning beyond my real purpose. Oh if someone reads this dont try it yourself. Its not good to close oneself off. Its quite self destructive actually. But as a child i was forced to be completely isolated for a long time. So i got used to it. Im currently not outdoors. But my situation is tenuous at best. Sinking within myself will be my best way to survive where i am
Besides there are others who need me. They definitely need more help than im currently able to give. I need to take the little thats left of me & give it all to them.
#lies
I was in a long distance relationship with a girl on and off for the past 6 years or so. We sent nudes and all that shit, However she decided she was going to text my best friend (rip) and ask him if he wanted to see what i sent her. She was clearly obsessed with betraying me and lying to me constantly, so i had to spend my days stalking her online, she used to flirt with guys on stickam (rip stickam) behind my back and get high on cam all while telling me "i dont smoke anymore".
So one day i took a picture of my computer screen and what she was doing and sent it to her. She promised to straighten her shit out, long story short she didn't. after her constant betrayals i spammed her entire dox and nudes all over the internet and encouraged people to call the number. i left a bot on that repeated the message every 3 minutes. i was very hurt, and still am, she kept apologizing and wanting me back so of course i said yeah im sorry too. but a few months later i got sick of her shit AGAIN, so i blocked her number, her reaction was moving to kansas to turn into a drunk, while telling me all kinds of great lies, she got herself pregnant (for the second time, she had an abortion the first time). eventually on her birthday she called me crying like a bitch because nobody cared about her birthday and it was her first taste of the real world.
So for the next 2 years i tried to make things work with her even though she had somebody elses kid now. she didnt understand nor care how much it affected me. we had alot of arguments and instead of calling her a slut or a whore or whatever like i normally would i just started dishing out the truth on her and told her "you arent going to find somebody who wants a 22-23 year old single mother whos a pathological liar, that has fucked an excessive amount of people, is a complete bitch, has a history of drug and alcohol abuse, nobody is going to want you, and after all of that i am still talking to you." apparently she couldnt handle that.
she wanted to be FWB and that lasted all of 5 days. a few months ago she told me "its not going to work between us" so i replied "because im not good enough?" she says "No thats not it" "i want to live in a big house and have nice things and have more kids". I damn near died i just said "so basically im not good enough, sick contradictory statement". I told her i refuse to be friends with her under those circumstances if im going to be friendzoned and never given a legitimate chance at making a life with her.
I keep having dreams about her, i dont know what my problem is because i cant stop loving her, i wish i could, and i wish i could get over what she has done to me, i wish i could go more than 4 months without trying to talk to her. Hopefully this outlet will help me move on and i will find somebody who is actually worthy of my affection.
yes i know i didnt use proper punctuation and i dont care.
This is gonna age like a fine cup of piss, but...
I'm something of an activist, and it's a huge part of the resason why I'm majoring in social work,but despite my campus having a strong social work program, it's tough to find a cause I'm genuinely passionate about as I attend a predominantly conservative campus. However, I thought that since I'm Asian and recently a few other Asian students had recently formed an Asian American Association this past semester and I was somewhat involved in the planning process that I could use it for my advocacy as a student activist. However, I soon got removed from the group me (we also have a discord, but we use the group me chat as our main platform for communication) for pushing certain "ideas" that people were "uncomfortable" with, despite there having been some arguments among the leaders and admins, as only one person removed me with little to no input from the leaders. I sat down a while back to speak to the advisor, who had zero involvement in all of the group me stuff, and when I asked for a follow up, I got an email back pretty much saying the same thing: the chat was created for "light hearted" reasons and they didn't want me making it uncomfortable. I didn't respond to it until a few days ago. I claimed that them taking me out of the chat had sent me on a downward spiral, how it had caused me to cut again, how it had caused me to stop eating.
It was all a lie. I just thought that I could guilt trip them a little to get back in the chat. I honestly don't feel much if any remorse over this.
I don't know my own gender. I tell people online that my name is Zach but it's not. I'm biologically a woman. My friends know that I'm trans. I think I'm a man. I usually tell myself I'm a man but there's this voice in the back of my head that shouts that I'm a woman. I don't know what to believe. Maybe I'm gender-fluid? I don't really feel like a woman at all but how do I know if I'm really trans. Is there a way of knowing? I know about dysphoria, and I think I have it but what if I don't? I believe I have it seeing as I hate my body. I don't like my curves, I've kinda gained some weight, and not to mention genitalia. It's odd how there's nothing there. I don't know if that's normal or not. I just think it's weird how there's nothing between my legs. My chest keeps growing. I'm 14 and almost a D cup. I'm not overweight either. I don't know if this is gender dysphoria or just normality. I don't constantly feel weird in my body though; it's very on and off. My boyfriend sees me as a woman but that's a rant for another day. What do I do? Do I ask my mother for me to see a gender therapist? What if she says no? I don't want her knowing.
I'm not a real lawyer. I've been faking it for 10 years. But I went to law school and got my degree, passed my exams...I just couldnt do the whole admission because it made me feel anxious. So I lied that I had been admitted to practice and I take certificates whenever anyone asks for proof. I've gotten away with it.
#lies
When me and my boyfriend first started having raw sex, I gave herpes to him not knowing I had herpes and I still feel guilty about that because he always talk about it. He’s given me an STD TWICE ! And every time I bring up him cheating on me and giving me and STD , he throws it in my face. The difference between my situation and his situation is that I didn’t go CHEAT and brought it back to him and he literally went and got head from another dirty bitch and brought me back trichomoniasis . My situation is this, me and him we’re starting a relationship and he decided to take off the condom. I didn’t know I had herpes because before me and him met I was promiscuous so when me and him got together I stopped doing what I was doing . He literally went and cheated on me while we were together and gave me an STD. I FEEL mostly bad about my situation because I gave him something he can’t get rid of because of my PAST and who I was . We both did terrible in this relationship and in two weeks it’s gonna be three years since we’ve been together and these years have been STRESSFUL, HARD, depressing. He put me down like it’s sooo much stuff this man has put me through. I’m 21 and he’s 28 and he manipulates me and controls me and my money smh
A bully would always beat me up at school and my mom would tell me to stick up for myself, but he was so much bigger and stronger I couldn't. She got mad and made her tell me who he was and where he lived so that she and I could go talk to his parents. We went over to his house and rang the doorbell and his mom answered the door and asked us what we wanted. My mom said she wanted her son to stop picking on me or else she would tell the principal what was happening. She said it couldn't be her son because he would do no such thing. But mom insisted so she called upstairs and told her son to come down. He came down the stairs and my mom saw him for the first time. He was grossly over weight and much bigger than me. Mom said to him would he please stop picking on me and he just laughed and said I had started it. Then his mom said, see I knew my son would not do that, it is your son who started it and my son just finished it. She then pushed my mom down and they both laughed at her as she fell on her butt and her skirt went up her legs and we could all see her panties! My bully then jumped on my moms" stomach and almost squished her. He then pulled her over and started spanking her very hard. My mom was trying to get away but he was very strong and held her down. He then pulled her skirt up and her panties down and starting spanking her bare butt! I tried to help but the bully's mom grabbed me and pulled me over her knees and pulled down my pants and started spanking me. She held me and faced me so I could see her son spanking my mom on her bare butt. She put me down and tied my hands and feet and left the room only to return with a camera and started taking some pictures of her son (my bully) spanking my mom on her bare butt. My mom was crying now and begging him to stop. His mom laughted and said, look she is enjoying it, shes opening her legs wider after every spank. We all looked down and saw that he was now unbuttoning her shirt and said he wanted to see her big breasts. He tore off the rest of her shirt and ripped her bra off and they both began hooting and hollering because without her padded bra she had small childlike breasts!.. My mom was so embarrassed she tried to cover them with her hands, but my bully pulled her hands away and his mom took some more pictures of her tiny breasts. He then started pinching her tiny buds and she screamed to please stop. I couldn't stop looking at my mom, lying there crying and begging my bully to stop. His mom then said for him to strip her completly and make her crawl around on her hands and knees while he smacked her butt and she would take more pictures. After totally humiliating her they said we could leave but they would show these pictures of her naked and being spanked by her son to all the neighbors and all my friends at school if we ever told anyone. We then left and ran home because they had given my mom only her torn shirt and short skirt and and told her with her tiny breasts no one would notice and took some more pictures of us running away. I have to admit that I got very excited seeing my mom naked and being humiliated by them!
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