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The last two weeks, I stole more office supplies and was more time on the internet than I worked.
I put this under waste because I've wasted my life. Here it goes.
I'm bad like really bad. But looking at me you would never know. People are catching on as my life falls apart. I've been living like a quadruple life I guess. I don't even know who I am anymore. I can't think of anything I like. I hate everything and everyone. I have no friends left, the women of my life cheated lied and stole the entire time I've known them. Most of my buddies too. Just users you know. I always offer too much and people gladly accept my generosity. I always try and help but it eventually becomes them being entirely dependent on me. Then they go and I've lost so much in them. I never see the fruits of my labours.
Now I'm totally alone. And financially ruined. Relying on booze and drugs to feel better about the shitty person I am. I pray to god thanking him only, not asking for more. He still rewards me a lot. Gives me great opportunity and strength to conquer challenges. But I can't conquer myself. I want to end my life. Nobody would notice except the few leeches who still cling to my generosity. Everybody I've helped is doing great. I never took time to take care of myself, or set myself up better. My friends, wife, in laws, girlfriends, and associates have all benefitted greatly from my efforts but I'm fucked mentally physically and financially. I even still protect people after they betray me. Keep their secrets, bend to their requests.
I'm going to blow my brains out.
I hate this world, it's ruined anyway. Goodby you fucked up people. There's a good chance that there is someone in your life going through this who helped you a lot. I bet you won't even reach out to repay what's owed. Sick fucking society world wide.
I took attention seeking to the next level I pertended to have a stalker for 3 years to get guys attention and I'd make fake accounts to show them messges of what happened and stuff and they would fight with the fakes accounts which were me
As a kid I always caught flies and other bugs to rip their wings and legs out. After that, I drew "funny" things on them with my window colours.
It's funny, I used to sit in bed while on the phone with the one person I thought I would never lose and read people's confessions from this page. We would always say how some of the people on this page where so messed up and how we would never do any of that stuff.
One of those things was leave eachothers side. I mean he even gave me a promise ring to make things more convincing... for a while I thought this was it. He was my one true love, he was everything I ever wanted. Turns out, that promise ring was just an empty promise. All those times he said "we would never break up, we will always fix it, we always have.... we always will" were lies. He left. Of course he would, what guy could ever love me ? I scare them, apparently.
I really wish I would have known this was going to happen, because out of all people I never expected him to leave me when he knew I was alone.
Well I'm glad he decided to go find himself, I just wish he would have told me when he lost himself.
This ones for you Loyd.
I have an IUD, but lately I've gotten into the habit of telling guys I'm not on birth control just for the fun of it. It started as a way to get them to complain less about condoms. Then one time I let a guy take the condom off. I made him think I could easily get pregnant and he said he would pull out but he didn't. When he told me he was coming in me, naturally I didn't bother to resist because I knew I was protected so I let him finish with a smile. I may have even opened my legs a little wider for him. When he got all nervous, I promised him that if I got pregnant I'd have his baby and give it up for adoption and he'd never have to worry bout it. He got sooo hard, sooo quick after I said that. It was the first time I ever had a guy fuck me twice in a row. Literally less than 5 minutes between. The effect it had on him made me excited. It felt good to have such a crazy effect on a guy.
So the next time I was about to have an anonymous hookup I let the guy think I could get pregnant and I let him go bareback. I kept enticing him... I kept asking him if it would feel better if he didn't have to pull out, if he was going to be a naughty boy and shoot inside me, I told him how much I wished I could feel him come in me, that it was too bad he had to pull out and I said all those things with an inviting smile. It worked. He couldn't resist. It was so much fun to see the look on his face. I seriously think guys come harder when they think they're going to knock me up. Except I don't think this guy believed me when I told him that I would never come asking for child support because he asked me to leave real fast.
The last time I had a hookup neither of us mentioned a condom or birth control at first. Once we got really into it I told him as cute as I could, "I'm not on birth control but I won't mind if you want to try and get me pregnant. I promise never to bother you with the responsibility unless you want it. I believe it's a woman's duty to pleasure a man and accept whatever consequences come of it." He didn't believe me and I scared him but after I reassured him he was really excited and into it. He told me it was the most intense sex of his life and he's been calling me to hookup again. I haven't yet. Tbh I don't really believe in those things I told him and I don't think it will be the same the second time with the same guy.
I have two concerns. Is it wrong to lie to strangers about being fertile when I am perfectly safe with an IUD? I feel a little guilty about the last guy because he's so excited by it but at same time it's really fun and makes me happy to give guys such a rare sort of pleasure and excitement. More importantly I don't usually have unprotected sex. I've only been with 6 guys no condom, 3 in the last 3 months. I get nervous about STI's. So far I'm still clean and I'm afraid it's going to take me getting something before I learn. This new kink isn't helping. It's really fun and I want to keep doing it with new guys.
my love is very conditional. everyone else's is towards me so if others can be that way then so am I. all this stuff about you giving unconditional love won't heal you.it will help people abuse you but it will not make you healthy, wealthy or on top on life and joyful. people don't think your wise or smart forgiving them. they don't cry for forgiveness, they don't care if you forgive they just want you to abuse you again and be sucked in. don't do it.so they find new sucker who double takes em. they will find someone to fit their own level who will bust their asses and cut the frills and spills from their lipids. forget them and move on. you don't partake in xmas jolly giving you won't end up as fat as santa.
I haven't been truly honest about my life, but the thing is do I really have to?
My perception towards life was just a momentary thing, to entertain me, to give me pleasure.
Attachment was never an option, I lied in every aspect about me —towards my friends, my family and to my lover.
And the sad thing about it is that I don't feel any sort of guilt, not an ounce of remorse.
Lying became a part of my life and I wasn't doing anything to stop it.
I was in a long distance relationship with a girl on and off for the past 6 years or so. We sent nudes and all that shit, However she decided she was going to text my best friend (rip) and ask him if he wanted to see what i sent her. She was clearly obsessed with betraying me and lying to me constantly, so i had to spend my days stalking her online, she used to flirt with guys on stickam (rip stickam) behind my back and get high on cam all while telling me "i dont smoke anymore".
So one day i took a picture of my computer screen and what she was doing and sent it to her. She promised to straighten her shit out, long story short she didn't. after her constant betrayals i spammed her entire dox and nudes all over the internet and encouraged people to call the number. i left a bot on that repeated the message every 3 minutes. i was very hurt, and still am, she kept apologizing and wanting me back so of course i said yeah im sorry too. but a few months later i got sick of her shit AGAIN, so i blocked her number, her reaction was moving to kansas to turn into a drunk, while telling me all kinds of great lies, she got herself pregnant (for the second time, she had an abortion the first time). eventually on her birthday she called me crying like a bitch because nobody cared about her birthday and it was her first taste of the real world.
So for the next 2 years i tried to make things work with her even though she had somebody elses kid now. she didnt understand nor care how much it affected me. we had alot of arguments and instead of calling her a slut or a whore or whatever like i normally would i just started dishing out the truth on her and told her "you arent going to find somebody who wants a 22-23 year old single mother whos a pathological liar, that has fucked an excessive amount of people, is a complete bitch, has a history of drug and alcohol abuse, nobody is going to want you, and after all of that i am still talking to you." apparently she couldnt handle that.
she wanted to be FWB and that lasted all of 5 days. a few months ago she told me "its not going to work between us" so i replied "because im not good enough?" she says "No thats not it" "i want to live in a big house and have nice things and have more kids". I damn near died i just said "so basically im not good enough, sick contradictory statement". I told her i refuse to be friends with her under those circumstances if im going to be friendzoned and never given a legitimate chance at making a life with her.
I keep having dreams about her, i dont know what my problem is because i cant stop loving her, i wish i could, and i wish i could get over what she has done to me, i wish i could go more than 4 months without trying to talk to her. Hopefully this outlet will help me move on and i will find somebody who is actually worthy of my affection.
yes i know i didnt use proper punctuation and i dont care.
Lies. During the pandemic ive told many lies. Some on purpose. Some from confusion.
I saw the web as this big fun place. Tell jokes. Tell stories. Make up
Stuff. Entertain each other. I figured people were like me. During this mess ive slept in my car. Went days without food. Been so cold. Been so hot i passed out. Nearly died. Been in a daze. Days & days without sleep. In desperate need of medical help but unable to pay for or reach it. Id use this phone someone else provides for me as a way to pretend im not all alone. But i was. I was all alone.
But there are those who need me. I still do what little i can for them. But its not much.
My mind is clear for a moment. Im sure it wont last. It occurs to me that my funny & entertaining stories may not seem that way to everyone. Yes; we are all trying to lift each other up, to survive this pandemic. But what about the mentally ill with problems worse than me? What if they take either my funny musings when im in a rare stable moment; or my meanderings as i drift thru this pandemic & have no clue what im typing trying to hold on, as “literal”. Oh i dont think i do things like that. Im a pretty nice person. But occasionally my damaged mind focuses enough to see that there are people with the oddest of beliefs. Im not sure how people believe in such things; but some do, so i hope to force myself to just set alone & close myself off. I wouldnt advise that to most. But i spent many years doing exactly that. So if anyone can & stay more or less rational, it should be me. I need to quit using my phone to pretend i have a purpose or meaning beyond my real purpose. Oh if someone reads this dont try it yourself. Its not good to close oneself off. Its quite self destructive actually. But as a child i was forced to be completely isolated for a long time. So i got used to it. Im currently not outdoors. But my situation is tenuous at best. Sinking within myself will be my best way to survive where i am
Besides there are others who need me. They definitely need more help than im currently able to give. I need to take the little thats left of me & give it all to them.
#lies
I mess with people. Tell jokes. Pick. Annoy. Not in real life. People with influence. Not in a mean way. To challenge their thoughts. My goal is to slip in thoughts to audiences that don’t expect it. Homelessness. Health care for the poor. Disabilities. Gays.
I’m trying to help make the world a better place. But I stretch the truth and crack jokes to do it. Lying is wrong. But if your lies don’t hurt others; and do help others, is that fully wrong?
I can’t tell the truth. I’m disabled and a loser. No one likes to talk to me in real life. I’m an outcast. So I pretend to be s person someone would want to talk to. Not for me. I’m doomed. But for others. I just want the world to love each other a little more.
#lies
I was in love with my friend freshman year. Fully, whole-heartedly in love. She knew it, and she used me. I was her proxy for verbally abusing our social group, so she could seen like the innocent saint. I would have died for her. She threw me away because I was depressed. I hate her now as much as I loved her then. I look back and see her as the selfish hypocrite she really was. Love really does make you blind. Never fall in love with a sociopath.
#abuse #manipulation #hate #love #sociopath #loyalty #liar #lies #sad
I am 20 years old, female and i have had some relationships. The thing is, i am now single and quite dissapointed...why do guys act this hypocritically? I always say to them when we start dating that i really dont fuck from the first dates and that i dont believe all the things i hear like "oh i love you so much". But they will either say "common, i wont try to pressure you" or "plz be with me, im in love". The exact moment you start to believe in them, POOF! They show their true colors. I wish i could find some sweet guy i could trust, but that wont happen
#guys #hypocritical #lies
As a Christian, I lied to my psychologist.
I told him that my girlfriend killed herself when I was 16 even though I found out in the last year that she actually was still alive.
I just didn't know how else to explain the train wreck of my life.
So now I feel like I need to come clean somehow.
But after I told him he confided in me that he lost a young patient one time earlier in his career and that he struggled for a long time wondering what he could have done to save him.
I feel like I have to level with him, but I feel absolutely wretched that I lied to him and he confided in me like that.
#lies
I live in a multi story building with many foreign families and a lot of them have some kind of trouble with the police, distrainors, lawyers and other creditors. When I'm at home, I often hear that there's someone who keeps ringing the door bell, to talk to one of those families. Apart from me, almost no one of these people work, they are sitting at home all day and watch TV and therefore they know who's standing in front of the door and therefore don't open it. But I'm a helpful person so I let them in by pressing the buzzer for the front door down stairs. It's funny to watch the police while they are trying to get entrance to the flat.
#building #foreign #families #funny #police #lawyers #confession
I told my friend i looked skinny but i was actually really fat when I told her this we later on had a fight so she decided she would tell everyone so I started making up some lies about her.
That's what you get.
We're losing the house and I don't know what or how to tell anyone.
I have these desires with my girlfriend, like watching her with other men, swinging, threesomes, gangbangs, orgies, bondage, MFM bi sex, but i'm scared she'll think i'm weird and leave me.
I'm married and sometimes I hate my husband!!! We both used to be very abusive to each other. For years!!! He started the abuse. However, we have both changed drastically. I mean we went from fighting every day. (Fist fighting!) Due to his lies and cheating. He was very controlling and wouldn't allow me to break up with him. I would leave and he would find and stalk me. Begging me to come back and I would go back every time bc I loved him, still do. We've been together forever, I met him when I was 14, he's 5 years older than me. Anyway, we went from fighting every day to no actual fighting just heated arguments. Which is major for us, trust me. We used to fight like cats and dogs. Anyway, we don't anymore. But, I still feel the pain in my heart and mind mainly bc of the last time he cheated. What happened was he cheated for the last time I believe like 8 years ago and got his ex pregnant. They already had 2 kids. Since, they live in a different state and she hardly lets him see the kids he had no idea she was pregnant with the third kid. During the time she was pregnant he went to jail for a year, which had nothing to do with us fighting, by the way. While he was in jail he had enough money saved so he still paid all my bills, rent included. He paid for everything. He just asked me to wait for him. Well, I did. While he was in jail he got "saved or found God." When he out out he asked me to marry him. He said: God spoke to Him and said that I was supposed to be his wife and that God showed him all the messed up and evil things that he has done to me throughout the years with all the lies, deceit, betrayal, abuse, and cheating; etc. He said: God spoke to him and told him to change or he would spend the rest of his life in jail. He hates jail. Well, long story short he told me about all the dreams and/or visions God gave him about our lives and he wrote me a letter and drew me a picture everyday while he was in jail. I listened to him, but I didn't fully believe him. I wanted him to prove that he changed and he did/has repeatedly! He has did a whole 360!!! Anyway, we got married. I didn't know he had a third child with his ex and later when he found out he was too afraid to tell me. He found out when after he got out of jail. Which explains why he wanted to get married so quickly. Anyway, he did change, but I knew there was something still bothering him. I asked and asked. But nothing. Finally, one night he says God told him to tell me. I knew something was wrong bc he never slept. Just tossed and turned all the time. So, when he told me I flipped out!!! I asked for a divorce, but he declined. So, I sought out a few different advisors and they all pretty much gave me the same advice which was to try to make our marriage work especially since he had not cheated during the actual marriage. But I felt bamboozled and devastated!!! I cried for days. So, we went to marriage counseling. He confessed to everything. How many times he cheated on me before we got married, with how many women and most importantly why he did it. Everything!!! I sat there and took it like a CHAMP! I really tried to listen like a friend instead of a wife or woman who felt totally and completely broken. Then we had a sit down with his ex. She hates me, by the way. We got down to the nitty-gritty. I mean how many times did they cheat on me together. Why did she keep the other child a secret from us? When she finally told him, why did he keep it from me? Why did she agree to keep me from knowing there was a third child after the fact? Why did they both have their other two children acting as though they did not have an extra sibling? They were all lying! She did after a while she begged him to tell me. I believe her, but she is still so "in-love" with my husband, she would do anything he says. Not her words, mine. Anyway, now they don't communicate unless I know about it. My husband has sincerely changed, but I'm stuck with all this hurt and pain!!! I'm really trying, but it is so hard. I mean he gives me the majority of his money, tells me all of his whereabouts, I have all of his passwords, he shows me all of his bank statements, he doesn't go see his kids without me, and he doesn't make moves unless I know about it. Yet, and still I am not happy!!! I feel broken!!! I am trying. But I feel like getting revenge!!! Even though I could never see myself having sex with another man. That's the truth. I just want him to hurt the way he has hurt me! I'm struggling!!! I feel like all my innocence was stripped away from me. I genuinely loved someone who didn't know how to love me bk. Now that he is so focused and getting his/our lives together, i.e. about to buy a house, we both are working a good steady jobs, in college, going to church regularly, reading the Bible, and praying together.... Now, I'm the one ready to destroy our family just to give him a taste of his own medicine bc I can't get over the past. PS I'm not an ugly person. In fact, everyone tells me on a regular how beautiful I am and I was raised that my outward beauty should match my inward beauty. So, I have always been forgiving. But now I feel like I'm being overtaken with evil and hatred even though no one knows it. I feel so stupid and stressed out! And I'm always worried that he is going to hurt me again.
i lie all the time about loads of tiny things and i can't remember what the truth about my life is anymore
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