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Sadness. When my marriage first ended i was so lost. Then i got so sick. Nearly died. Homelessness. I could barely focus. This phone was my only link to the outside world. Ive always had this inner desire to help others. I have helped many people.
But im messed up. God just didn't make me right. Other than a few people who love me, no one has ever wanted me around. I need to accept that. Quit trying to be what i cant be. Quit trying to be accepted by people who will never accept me. Reduce my world down to a tiny number of people. Forgive them any of their simple flaws. Accept im beyond being fixed. Accept no one outside my tiny circle will ever want me in theirs.
Accept i cant help others. I cant even help myself. Im delusional. I want to help. But i can not. I need to put all my energies into helping the small number of people who love me.
I regret anything i said or thought negative about my love. Time to be her hero again. Time to accept what is; even if things beyond my control caused it, & move on.
I love my beloved. I love our children. I’ve never stopped serving them, but i also tried to serve others. Theres nothing i can do for others anymore. No one other than my circle needs my poor attempts at help. Time to leave it to the more competent.
I have been with my girlfriend for about 4 and a half years now. We started dating when we were in high school (i was 16 and she was just about to turn 16 in a few months). I love her more than anything in the whole world. But ever since we started dating, i lost contact with all my closest friends, both male and female. She always finds problems with them. I have been loyal to her, i never once thought about cheating.
I used to be known by everyone in my batch and the younger people. And had not one enemy because i was always friendly and kind and outgoing with people. And because of that, i was popular with people, even the teachers lived me even though im mischievous in class and school. Fuck it, even the principal knew me. Both me and my big brother who was graduated by then. I had a really good reputation and it’s not because i tried to, its because I genuinely was kind and caring while also being fun and mischievous and athletic! (I understand that i wasnt the smartest kid around). Where as my gf was mostly surrounded by 3 toxic friends who equally lacked the social skills but was feeding negative and toxic things into her mind. My girl is smart and beautiful and extremely talented in sports as well! But those friends of hers were lazy at studies, tries to act like they’re it and like they are princesses who know exactly how people are when they are just protected children who hasn’t interacted with people! (They genuinely thought that life always goes as it is in movies). They brought down her grades massively and were hiding behind my girl while she does the dirty work guided by the things they put into her mind. They are also to blame for her starting to think I’m cheating on her with other girls or doing things behind her back. My girlfriend also lacks the ability to empathize and understand people at all. I partly blame the fact that she has almost never been exposed to interacting with public and was always protected by her family. But she deeply cares and tries to protect the people closest to her. Hence, the reason she did the dirty work of those toxic friends of hers.
She told me to stop hanging out with the guys who always had my back, who have helped me even in the little things, the guys i used to have friendly rivalries in sports and gaming. They were my brothers and people who i have even considered to be my bestmen when i marry. And she knew that. But she made me to stop hanging out with them. For the littlest things, for inability to understand how boys are. Obviously boys act differently towards each other. That’s what friends are. Thats what makes us G’s. Some of my friends did warn me about her, that she and those 3 friends of hers have a bit of a bad reputation. But they all were really open to my feelings and genuinely gave her a chance and we’re friendly to her. I just wish she was the same. They were happy for me and didn’t want to do anything that would hurt my relationship badly. But when they saw that she just won’t stop with the misunderstanding and trying to push me away, they tried to do their best to pull me closer too. But none of them tried to force me out of the relationship, they all adviced me though. That i have 3 choices, fix the relationship and make her have a change of heart so i can hangout with my friends, break up with her, or let go of them. I obviously decided option 1. But sadly it didn’t work.
And from girls, there was one girl in my friend group that she hated for some little reasons. But i know if she actually tried to, they could have been really close. She was in a different class and some girls in my class were pretty popular as well. And as I mentioned, i was really close with my friends girls too. But i always kept my girlfriend above them. Even so, my girlfriend wanted me to completely stop talking to that girl she hates and she wanted me to be rude to her and hate her too. I obviously can’t do that, a bond i have cannot be just broken and turned into hate. I tried to fix the problem there and remove that hate as well. I wanted my girlfriend to see that the problem that’s there between them is a simple thing that can be fixed. But her pride and ego is too massive for her to let go. She pretended to try but didn’t put even 1% of effort in it. I gave as much effort as i can with her friends... but she didn’t. I never told her to stop talking to her friends. NEVER. I only advised her of the things I felt, and i asked her to think about it herself, she let them go only when they told her that she spends time with me more than them which is not true at all, they know it and she knows it... every person who knows about our relationship knew it’s a stupid reason to start treating her differently. So she let them go... so coming back to my story... this hate towards her the spread like a flame to the other girl in my class, which those toxic friends of hers had a massive role in. How am I supposed to stop completely talking to people in my own classroom? How am I supposed to let go of friends girl or boys who i have created a memories and strong bonds? They all tried to befriend my gf but she doesn’t try at all! In the end my teacher found out about relationship and advised me about it too but i was so blinded by love that i never listened to anyone! So i lost contact with my friends both girls and boys! We went to college where some of my closest friends went to, by then my girl did let me talk to them, but it’s as if we were acquaintances and not friends. And she still continued to judge people.
She even started these things with my family! I don’t think there is a single member in my family she hasn’t had an issue with! Even my baby cousin who just turned 4! My mother and father and brother too! Every single person! She tried to make me stay home when we planned family trips which we rarely ever get to go! But she goes on more than 20 trips a year! She doesn’t let me have time with my family bc i have to text her or call her! She blames me for her having a bad life in high school! She blames me for having a bad time in college! And now she’s having a bad time in uni. She acts as her and her family are the perfect people! And i have changed a lot! I was the most patient man you would ever meet... and i am patient towards people who aren’t my family. But I get upset quickly towards her and my family now. I dont have much fun memories in high school and at home, we’re at uni in a different country, most of my friends who were close to me dont know where i am no. I dont have social media other than one chatting app bc she made me delete them, i only have a few contacts saved on my phone. And recently when she gets angry she gets a bit physical. And she says i have changed a lot. But she never tried to understand why i have changed. She says that you only need 2 or 3 close friends. But the friends “we” have are choices of her own. She gets in the way of my decisions, where she thinks her advise is better than my own mothers. To avoid fights in my relationship and to stop a fight where she says i always choose others over her or where she says that i never take her side and say my family is always right, i follow her advise. And some of those have come back to haunt me. I sometimes think back to when i used to have fun with my friends. Or when i have fun with my family. It’s so sad, if she stopped her attitude, made the relationship we have more important to her than her pride and ego, thought of my family as her own and treated it equally, and just listen to me and trust my decisions as a man, we could make this work. She sometimes understands that she has an issue with anger. But that’s it. She says that her rude attitude is actually her being a genuine and real person. Which is bullshit. There is a line between being true and being rude which she doesn’t see. She says that she has an attitude and if i dont like it i can leave which she know that if i wanted to leave i would have gone a long time ago, she blames me for people thinking badly of her when I really tried and people really tried (and there are instances where I actually had some fake friends who were rude to her, i stood up for her and took her side. Which she doesn’t appreciate).
And I’m not an angel. I never said i was perfect, i was never said I haven’t done wrong. I have lied to her about things. But all of those lies were to hangout with my friends, or because I know she’ll freak out if i tell her, to avoid unnecessary arguments, to stop arguments. But i dont have friends to go hangout with anymore or play some games or anything. I still have to hide some little details about anything regarding females. Even if i said i had a casual conversation with a girl, I would end up in a fight. It has reduced though, she understands a bit more now. But with this rate of growth, i would be old and dead by the time she understands.
But I know she cares and loves me, she made a huge decision of giving up her medicine degree to do it later just because I couldn’t get in at the time as well. She helped me with my studies, she has stood up for me even to lecturers when i have been treated unfairly, sometimes secretly and sometimes without listening to me, because she knows that I’m too forgiving to people and too kind to people and sometimes they abuse that about me. She has made sure and advised me to not let people walk all over me just because I’m too kind and forgiving and i know if I’m hurt or injured she’ll put away everything to come for me... I truly do lover her... i couldn’t stand to leave her, i want her and need her but I just want her to understand me, who I am and what i need. I always try my best to keep her happy. I don’t want to leave her.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?!
#relationship #toxic #advise #depression #sadness #needhelp #help #love #cheating #relationshipproblems
It’s not a confess but I want some help. I’m a 19 year-old Middle Eastern girl who loves a 27 year-old Brazilian guy whom I met online in December 2018. He travels a lot and he sometimes talks about traveling to my country and meet me. I love him as I mentioned above but he never mentioned that he loves me or not he just told me twice that he “admires me” and told me once that he doesn’t feel the age gap between us, nothing more. The problem is that I understand that we are so different to be together, for example I follow a religion while he doesn’t and the cultural differences of course. What should I do with this love?
All I want to do it be in love and have a wife that loves me . I’ve been stuck in a loveless marriage for 13 years , I just Turned 30 and I look and feel the best I ever have I work out and show my wife love looking for it in return . She just ignores me and doesn’t try to make her self better then me .
It also scares the shit outta me that I’ve been with my wife since I was 16 and never had the chance to experience having sex with anyone else and that I probably will die only knowing her loveless sexual encounters .
i love him so much but he's straight and no one knows i'm gay i don't know what to do i'm so stressed out i don't know what to do i can't tell anyone. what am i supposed to do?
I'm pregnant!
I'm pregnant by my boyfriend of 5 years. We live together and are in love. It was an accident and a shock as we use birth control. I've never been pregnant before and I've always wanted to be a mom.
We talk about having kids all the time after he graduates, but now's not the time. We're poor, like dirt poor. He's in college and we both have crap jobs.
I haven't told anyone but him. So this will be only time telling someone else. Because I'm getting an abortion Saturday. I'm doing my best not to get attached or think about it.
I'm really sad.
I (f/31) am still sleeping with my ex on a regular basis. He broke up with me like 2 years ago because -in his words- I am not attractive enough for a relationship. But we still do everything a normal couple would do. He only doesn't stand by me or tell other's about me.
I am still in love with him and still LOVE HIM and I simply cannot make the final cut.
I should stop seeing him and I should know that I'd be better off without him, but I just can't...
#ex #love #sex #relationship #attractive #ugly #sad #confession
In 8th grade I started starving myself. I’m a freshman in college now and I still can’t stomach more than 900 cal a day. I weigh 99lb. None of my pants that I brought with me to college fit anymore. I feel like I’m dying.
This will sound so stupid, but I have to tell someone...
I am an adult woman (31), with an adult job and an adult life. But I still like to read fanfiction. I read all different types of fanfiction, everything I find interesting at the moment. My newest and most current obsession is about a band. I read a lot fanfiction about them the last couple of months.
But I finished one story yesterday that fucked me up.. One of the band members died at the end. It was a beautifully written story and everything, but I got so sad and I still am. As if he really died! I cried for hours and now I feel like I am grieving.
But why am I writing this... today, it was announced that the band member's sister died last night! I am so devastated for him and it breaks my heart in ways I cannot even explain. He doesn't even know I exist, that's crazy...
#crazy #obsession #fanfiction #obsessed #stories #death #sad #devastated
I’m paranoid my girlfriend will leave little does she know I have a history of self harming
Not really a sin, I’m just pining for a guy that seems to have zero interest in me. I feel like he looks at me and sees a completely unsexual being. He talks about “hot girls” to me like I’m his bro. It sucks cause I met him at a time where I’m just really not looking or feeling like my true self. I’ve been going through some crazy shit. I used to be so pretty and happy and people had crushes on ME. I wasnt mean to the ppl or anything but definitely friendzoned my fair share. Now it’s like the universe is making fun of me and put me in the shoes of someone that once liked me. I cant help but think if he knew the old me instead of the now, he’d like me back.. it’s not fair he’ll never really know the me I wish he could and the me I wish I still was. Maybe my sinning was not making the most of how was I back in the day or not giving people more of a chance. Sorry universe. Forgive me?
I told a sweet person she needed to exercise & lose weight. Then I told her to find someone else. Why? She claimed to be someone from my past. She didn’t realize I had known the person she was pretending to be. The person from my past was very kind & had been hurt. I thought a lot of her & didn’t like someone posing as her. However; this person i couldn’t see in the chatroom was a very sweet person too, & also hurting. I tried to set aside my pain from my own broken heart, to help her. But then her friends didn’t like my advice & put me out of the room. I wish I could undo the mean things I said. I did not care about her weight. I just didn’t like her pretending to be someone I knew. Does that make sense? This person from my past was a very good person. I tried to help her before my life nearly ended. So it was odd to have someone posing as her. Plus she caught me at my worst, & then I experienced a health scare. But I feel so bad.
I’m also heart broken because I had a wonderful woman, but I hurt her. God gave me a wonderful person, & I broke her heart. Then I turned around & hurt someone else who was nothing but kind to me. I seem to keep hurting people. But I don’t mean too. I’m just overwhelmed. My heart is broke. Im lost. Now a big moment is coming in my life. So I’m trying to make my peace just in case. Hopefully I come out the other side. But if I don’t I at least tried to make things right. If your a person who thinks your overweight or not beautiful. Quit thinking that way. These are labels society put on us. People used to tell me they wished they looked like me. Well I paid a heavy price to look like this. So no ones appearance is perfect. That lady I met about 11 years ago was beautiful. She just couldn’t see herself the way I did. My ex was the same way. She also couldn’t see herself the way I did. Sadly. I couldn’t be the man she deserved. I let everyone who cares about me down. I am sorry for all the pain I caused others. A lady tried to flirt with me the other day. No way. I’ve already left a trail of broken hearts. I wish I could set those right. But I’m not going to hurt someone else. I’ve did enough harm. I don’t want to hurt sweet people I care about.
I am 12 almost thirteen and i feel like i need to tell my story. I suffer from depression and there is nothing i can do about it. What did i do wrong? I even think about suicide. Other people who feel like this - trust me, even though it may feel like it, you are not alone.
I dont understand my behaviour sometimes so nice to people sometimes so rude
I myself want someone to stay with me but then again my behaviour doesnt let me ...
No more friends they dont like me as m fatty nd wheatish complexion but topper in class nd belong to very well settled family
I like some one who lives in another country we message over social media and he’s said I’m cute a few times but our conversations always fall flat he says he’s always busy (we have a time difference and) I wonder if he has any feelings for me I feel like I’ve given him the wrong signs like I’ve pushed him away because I wasn’t sure on how I felt before we’ve heard each other’s voices and we know one another look like he’s asked me who I like before I told him idk but I have this feeling we have something I’m not to sure obviously cause it seems like we do then we don’t idk felt like saying this some one tell me if I’m wasting my time
I had my first kiss a year and one day ago at the age of 17. It was with the girl I had the biggest crush on in 8th grade through highschool. We were just friends but she let me kiss her, and now we don’t even speak. I miss her sometimes even though she just kind of stopped talking to me.
when I was in primary school I had a group of friends that I thought were my friends and didn't really fit in. when they would do something I would always get blamed or somedays they wouldn't even talk to me or look at me. I took the fall for them a lot and my mom keeps on telling me that I need to stick up for myself but when I do I let my anger get the best of me and I lose friends. it happens as well even though I'm in secondary school and most days my friend's don't talk to me or they are talking about me but I feel like I can't trust anyone and I am scared that when I am older ill be as alone as I am right now
The online relationship started a long time ago. It involved abuse and manipulation, it was so bad that i didn't realize until it was too late. There was nothing i wouldn't have done, it left me empty and completely dependent on him. He left me, all i ever asked for was my love to be returned and to be given the affection any girlfriend would receive. When he left i wrote a suicide note and decided to end my life.
I don't know where i would be had it not been for an amazing guy we will call william. He scooped me up, loved me, and treated me in a way i never felt before. I was happy and trying so hard to forget the guy i met online.
When he came back into my life, i felt as vulnerable as the time i was with him. Though i never cheated on william, i began to hate him for not being my first love. Again, i became dependent and desperate to be with the other guy. William and me ended things, he could see right through me and had enough. I tried to be with my first love and was sure things would work out this time.
He lied to me about everything. He was with someone else. I found out and again i was broken. The whole time he was with her, it didn't matter if i was happy, he needed me to be broken and dependent on him.
He had someone who he said he was in love with and was happy. He said i was a mistake and he just wanted me to be with someone else. Never mind that when he was harassing me i was with someone else and trying to be happy. ( he knew that)
So here i am again, living a hell i deserve for hurting a good man. Every night i think about killing myself. Never let anyone take away your free will, even if they say they love you. All this taught me is what a horrible person i am. The online guy out living his happy life (with her at his side), and all i can think is me being in this state is what i deserve.
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