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Honestly, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m a religious person and sometimes when I really think about IT I can struggle with night mares, and depression for weeks, but I love sex, the problem it’s like normal sex left me empty, I don’t know why I have those sadic fantasy’s like, something I stared thinking since I was like 17 was let someone fuck me while other people can see me, and show that to people how good I feel, also the idea of them watching me will make me 100 times more horny, other fantasy is being fucked by different guys, in the same time, and let them touch me all over my body I have the fantasy to feel more than 6 hands pleasing me in the same time, those fantasies are tooo dirty for the life I have, I don’t know what to do :m(
All those hurtful things you did to me, changed me for the better. All the names you called me and the terrible things you said. It made me rise up and I became better than you. I’m the better person. And I won. You think you won because I walked away, but I walked away so it didn’t get worse. And. I don’t love you either. I can’t stand you. You’re a terrible man and you know it.
I was in love with my friend freshman year. Fully, whole-heartedly in love. She knew it, and she used me. I was her proxy for verbally abusing our social group, so she could seen like the innocent saint. I would have died for her. She threw me away because I was depressed. I hate her now as much as I loved her then. I look back and see her as the selfish hypocrite she really was. Love really does make you blind. Never fall in love with a sociopath.
#abuse #manipulation #hate #love #sociopath #loyalty #liar #lies #sad
I think about killing myself every day. I have a plan that I could put into action at any moment. I just waiting for that one more thing to push me over the edge. Just give me reason to end it all
#sad #suicide #depression
So I had a neighbour until yesterday... He moved out... So here it is we used to come on terrace at the same time and stayed there till one of us left ... We never talked heck we don't even know each other's name but I was getting attached to this routine I mea. We did that for one and a half year but yesterday when he was moving out I cried really hard.... I wanted him to atleast say something but I guess it was just one sided... I knew he was gonna move one day but when he did I literally died inside .... Is it normal am I stupid to get obsessed about this one....
I have been with my girlfriend for about 4 and a half years now. We started dating when we were in high school (i was 16 and she was just about to turn 16 in a few months). I love her more than anything in the whole world. But ever since we started dating, i lost contact with all my closest friends, both male and female. She always finds problems with them. I have been loyal to her, i never once thought about cheating.
I used to be known by everyone in my batch and the younger people. And had not one enemy because i was always friendly and kind and outgoing with people. And because of that, i was popular with people, even the teachers lived me even though im mischievous in class and school. Fuck it, even the principal knew me. Both me and my big brother who was graduated by then. I had a really good reputation and it’s not because i tried to, its because I genuinely was kind and caring while also being fun and mischievous and athletic! (I understand that i wasnt the smartest kid around). Where as my gf was mostly surrounded by 3 toxic friends who equally lacked the social skills but was feeding negative and toxic things into her mind. My girl is smart and beautiful and extremely talented in sports as well! But those friends of hers were lazy at studies, tries to act like they’re it and like they are princesses who know exactly how people are when they are just protected children who hasn’t interacted with people! (They genuinely thought that life always goes as it is in movies). They brought down her grades massively and were hiding behind my girl while she does the dirty work guided by the things they put into her mind. They are also to blame for her starting to think I’m cheating on her with other girls or doing things behind her back. My girlfriend also lacks the ability to empathize and understand people at all. I partly blame the fact that she has almost never been exposed to interacting with public and was always protected by her family. But she deeply cares and tries to protect the people closest to her. Hence, the reason she did the dirty work of those toxic friends of hers.
She told me to stop hanging out with the guys who always had my back, who have helped me even in the little things, the guys i used to have friendly rivalries in sports and gaming. They were my brothers and people who i have even considered to be my bestmen when i marry. And she knew that. But she made me to stop hanging out with them. For the littlest things, for inability to understand how boys are. Obviously boys act differently towards each other. That’s what friends are. Thats what makes us G’s. Some of my friends did warn me about her, that she and those 3 friends of hers have a bit of a bad reputation. But they all were really open to my feelings and genuinely gave her a chance and we’re friendly to her. I just wish she was the same. They were happy for me and didn’t want to do anything that would hurt my relationship badly. But when they saw that she just won’t stop with the misunderstanding and trying to push me away, they tried to do their best to pull me closer too. But none of them tried to force me out of the relationship, they all adviced me though. That i have 3 choices, fix the relationship and make her have a change of heart so i can hangout with my friends, break up with her, or let go of them. I obviously decided option 1. But sadly it didn’t work.
And from girls, there was one girl in my friend group that she hated for some little reasons. But i know if she actually tried to, they could have been really close. She was in a different class and some girls in my class were pretty popular as well. And as I mentioned, i was really close with my friends girls too. But i always kept my girlfriend above them. Even so, my girlfriend wanted me to completely stop talking to that girl she hates and she wanted me to be rude to her and hate her too. I obviously can’t do that, a bond i have cannot be just broken and turned into hate. I tried to fix the problem there and remove that hate as well. I wanted my girlfriend to see that the problem that’s there between them is a simple thing that can be fixed. But her pride and ego is too massive for her to let go. She pretended to try but didn’t put even 1% of effort in it. I gave as much effort as i can with her friends... but she didn’t. I never told her to stop talking to her friends. NEVER. I only advised her of the things I felt, and i asked her to think about it herself, she let them go only when they told her that she spends time with me more than them which is not true at all, they know it and she knows it... every person who knows about our relationship knew it’s a stupid reason to start treating her differently. So she let them go... so coming back to my story... this hate towards her the spread like a flame to the other girl in my class, which those toxic friends of hers had a massive role in. How am I supposed to stop completely talking to people in my own classroom? How am I supposed to let go of friends girl or boys who i have created a memories and strong bonds? They all tried to befriend my gf but she doesn’t try at all! In the end my teacher found out about relationship and advised me about it too but i was so blinded by love that i never listened to anyone! So i lost contact with my friends both girls and boys! We went to college where some of my closest friends went to, by then my girl did let me talk to them, but it’s as if we were acquaintances and not friends. And she still continued to judge people.
She even started these things with my family! I don’t think there is a single member in my family she hasn’t had an issue with! Even my baby cousin who just turned 4! My mother and father and brother too! Every single person! She tried to make me stay home when we planned family trips which we rarely ever get to go! But she goes on more than 20 trips a year! She doesn’t let me have time with my family bc i have to text her or call her! She blames me for her having a bad life in high school! She blames me for having a bad time in college! And now she’s having a bad time in uni. She acts as her and her family are the perfect people! And i have changed a lot! I was the most patient man you would ever meet... and i am patient towards people who aren’t my family. But I get upset quickly towards her and my family now. I dont have much fun memories in high school and at home, we’re at uni in a different country, most of my friends who were close to me dont know where i am no. I dont have social media other than one chatting app bc she made me delete them, i only have a few contacts saved on my phone. And recently when she gets angry she gets a bit physical. And she says i have changed a lot. But she never tried to understand why i have changed. She says that you only need 2 or 3 close friends. But the friends “we” have are choices of her own. She gets in the way of my decisions, where she thinks her advise is better than my own mothers. To avoid fights in my relationship and to stop a fight where she says i always choose others over her or where she says that i never take her side and say my family is always right, i follow her advise. And some of those have come back to haunt me. I sometimes think back to when i used to have fun with my friends. Or when i have fun with my family. It’s so sad, if she stopped her attitude, made the relationship we have more important to her than her pride and ego, thought of my family as her own and treated it equally, and just listen to me and trust my decisions as a man, we could make this work. She sometimes understands that she has an issue with anger. But that’s it. She says that her rude attitude is actually her being a genuine and real person. Which is bullshit. There is a line between being true and being rude which she doesn’t see. She says that she has an attitude and if i dont like it i can leave which she know that if i wanted to leave i would have gone a long time ago, she blames me for people thinking badly of her when I really tried and people really tried (and there are instances where I actually had some fake friends who were rude to her, i stood up for her and took her side. Which she doesn’t appreciate).
And I’m not an angel. I never said i was perfect, i was never said I haven’t done wrong. I have lied to her about things. But all of those lies were to hangout with my friends, or because I know she’ll freak out if i tell her, to avoid unnecessary arguments, to stop arguments. But i dont have friends to go hangout with anymore or play some games or anything. I still have to hide some little details about anything regarding females. Even if i said i had a casual conversation with a girl, I would end up in a fight. It has reduced though, she understands a bit more now. But with this rate of growth, i would be old and dead by the time she understands.
But I know she cares and loves me, she made a huge decision of giving up her medicine degree to do it later just because I couldn’t get in at the time as well. She helped me with my studies, she has stood up for me even to lecturers when i have been treated unfairly, sometimes secretly and sometimes without listening to me, because she knows that I’m too forgiving to people and too kind to people and sometimes they abuse that about me. She has made sure and advised me to not let people walk all over me just because I’m too kind and forgiving and i know if I’m hurt or injured she’ll put away everything to come for me... I truly do lover her... i couldn’t stand to leave her, i want her and need her but I just want her to understand me, who I am and what i need. I always try my best to keep her happy. I don’t want to leave her.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?!
#relationship #toxic #advise #depression #sadness #needhelp #help #love #cheating #relationshipproblems
I cheated on my last chemistry test. And I still got a C-... I am such a disappointment!
#sad #disappointed #cheat #test
My sister and I had the worst fight we ever had. I was being mean by hitting, but not much, but I wasn’t saying anything mean. My sister can control her physical side, but she can’t control her words. She made me feel terrible like a monster, like a pest that wouldn’t go away. Words, to me, cut deeper than the skin. In the midst of our fight, she said she wanted me to scream louder so my dad could come hit me. Said it would make her happy to see me in pain. Whenever she left me alone , I would sob and cry as quietly as I could, so they wouldn’t hear me.
I had cried at least eight times in less than 2 days. Even before the fight I cried because mom and dad wouldn’t really notice me much. One time my mom was with my sister in the kitchen laughing and having fun. I came outside to join, but right when I came mom fell silent. She didn’t acknowledge me at all. I said hi but she didn’t care. I went back in my room.
My sister said don’t go, but I left since I felt left out. Once I left my mom said why should she stay. I heard it and I cried and cried. Then after the fight, dad screamed at me and told my sister to leave me alone. A few minutes later my sister, my dad and my mom were laughing and having fun while I was crying feeling like I didn’t belong. I still feel like I don’t belong . Everyone would be happier, have no more fight, no more cry’s, no more maintenance. I DONT BELONG!!!
#sorry #family #parents #sister #fight #depressed #sad #lonely
I’m sad. I tried to get out of bed & do a good deed. I went to see a loved one. I spent time with their children. One is disabled. I am so very sick. I tried to make sure each child was included & felt special. Hugged them. Told them I loved them.
That’s hard for me now. My body keeps failing me. By the time I left I was getting close to passing out. But no one saw that. Just a fun day.
I sent love to others. Settled down. Then found out a friend is almost certainly dying. His wife; who is an incredibly kind and sweet person is now in the hospital. She has a disabled brother who depends on her. I’m powerless to help. Two of the four people I love are in very bad shape in my own life. The other two will need me.
I want to cry. I want to yell. But that is not a choice. It’s upon me to be a rock. So instead I must calm my mind & rest. I must be ready if needed.
Not everyone can cry. Someone has to be the unmoving rock others can grab upon. I’m not sure that’s me anymore. But I must try none the less.
Whew. I prayed for them all. I don’t know if God listens to me anymore.
All of you love yourselves. If you can’t love you it’s hard for someone else to.
#sad
I told a sweet person she needed to exercise & lose weight. Then I told her to find someone else. Why? She claimed to be someone from my past. She didn’t realize I had known the person she was pretending to be. The person from my past was very kind & had been hurt. I thought a lot of her & didn’t like someone posing as her. However; this person i couldn’t see in the chatroom was a very sweet person too, & also hurting. I tried to set aside my pain from my own broken heart, to help her. But then her friends didn’t like my advice & put me out of the room. I wish I could undo the mean things I said. I did not care about her weight. I just didn’t like her pretending to be someone I knew. Does that make sense? This person from my past was a very good person. I tried to help her before my life nearly ended. So it was odd to have someone posing as her. Plus she caught me at my worst, & then I experienced a health scare. But I feel so bad.
I’m also heart broken because I had a wonderful woman, but I hurt her. God gave me a wonderful person, & I broke her heart. Then I turned around & hurt someone else who was nothing but kind to me. I seem to keep hurting people. But I don’t mean too. I’m just overwhelmed. My heart is broke. Im lost. Now a big moment is coming in my life. So I’m trying to make my peace just in case. Hopefully I come out the other side. But if I don’t I at least tried to make things right. If your a person who thinks your overweight or not beautiful. Quit thinking that way. These are labels society put on us. People used to tell me they wished they looked like me. Well I paid a heavy price to look like this. So no ones appearance is perfect. That lady I met about 11 years ago was beautiful. She just couldn’t see herself the way I did. My ex was the same way. She also couldn’t see herself the way I did. Sadly. I couldn’t be the man she deserved. I let everyone who cares about me down. I am sorry for all the pain I caused others. A lady tried to flirt with me the other day. No way. I’ve already left a trail of broken hearts. I wish I could set those right. But I’m not going to hurt someone else. I’ve did enough harm. I don’t want to hurt sweet people I care about.
gosh i just want to run away from this im so tired why am I doing this what is it even for I'm just on a ball in space hurtling through the universe and I'm stuck doing chemistry for a career I might not even want to really do like don't get me wrong I think its cool and I want to help people but why am i doing this why cant i just run away into the woods and live in a cottage in the woods with my lover and have a cute little farm with some animals and bake break and desserts and just enjoy my life and not have to worry about anything anymore I'm so tired of living the same life and the same day over and over again just going through the motions I just want to feel something different than this im so lonely and tired and done and gosh I just dont want to be in this room anymore i want to be in love and i want to love is that too much to ask for
My girlfriend broke up with me. I am 25 years old and I was in love. I just cannot fathom why she left me.
She left me without a real explanation, just said that she wasn't into me any more and that we doesn't want to see or talk to me any longer.
I tried calling her, but she blocked my phone and blocked me on all social media. Her friends also did that.
I know that she likes this one coffee place near her work that she visits frequently.
I confess that I've gone to this place every day in hopes of seeing her and talking to her to find out why she left me.
#girlfriend #breakup #love #sad #devastated #coffee #confession
I started having an affair with a guy before he got married. I am married. He didnt really want to marry her but hes a pushover and they have a child and im in an emotionally abusive marriage. She found out a few days ago. I havent spoken to him since and everyone blames me but i love him and he will never really know it.
When I was 12 I was raped and I was to scared to tell anyone and when I did I reported him to the police and they said the could do nothing about it I felt helpless and alone.
#sad
when I was 8 my uncle used me as his sex object. I didn't understand what happened. I told my mum and the family fought with him. I will never forgive him or some of my family members for not believing me. I started touching myself after that. to the point where i cant sleep without doing it. i didnt understand what it was, now i do. now have issues. I don't trust men, I don't love myself and I think I don't deserve love nor being treated in a good manner. being used turns me on. I like when guys treat me like crap and just fuck me and leave. I like being hit, forced, and used. I have never told anyone before. this really bothers me cause I know I deserve love and deserve to be treated well.
I hope that uncle dies and burn in hell for ruining my life!
#sex #abuse #sad #confession #evil
I miss her so much. I shouldn't hurt so bad. I'm a grown man, with a professional job.
She hurt and betrayed me for years, but I can't stop or let go.
I have been drinking for the last 8 days just to make it stop and it won't.
I am so afraid.
I don't want to die but I don't know how else to stop hurting.
I'm ruined.
I love my best friend, but we can’t be together. He lives in America and I live in Canada. We did long distance for two years but broke up twice. I really wanna rekindle our relationship but lately he’s been ignoring me and I miss him so much. I think our friendship is withering away, if we can’t be together I still wanna be friends.
#sad #ignored #missed #love #friendship
I miss my ex wife. Miss my kids. I’d just quit taking my meds & let body die but they still need me.
#sad
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