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Im 18 and i hate myself, i always have, i was born the youngest sibling and i was always the most annoying brat in the world, I couldn’t stop myself i had no self control from irritating everyone around me, it drove my mother to the point of beating me when i was 7, recently i was diagnosed by a doctor for having manic bipolar disorder and depression, i find i can never enjoy myself in social situations, i have a girlfriend but i dont want her to be with me anymore, I’m not the person i used to be.. i never was. I just want to finish, life is just day after day of agony and pain.
I cant make sense anymore. My brain is fucked!!
When the people I loved didn’t want me anymore; I slowly realized, I don’t want me anymore either.
Why did God make me? Does he just like to watch some of us suffer?
I’m disabled. My parents hated me for it. I lived thru torture. I stayed good. I overcame the disability only to get a horrible disease.
I’ve asked preachers. They say they’ve never heard such a horrible story. They say look at Jobe. I don’t want to be Jobe.
Is it all random, or does God just want to watch some of us suffer? Why?
I am in love with Y*** but he doesn’t feel the same. and i wish the feeling would just go away because i think about him 24/7 while he never thinks of me.
I miss her so much. I shouldn't hurt so bad. I'm a grown man, with a professional job.
She hurt and betrayed me for years, but I can't stop or let go.
I have been drinking for the last 8 days just to make it stop and it won't.
I am so afraid.
I don't want to die but I don't know how else to stop hurting.
I have been with my girlfriend for about 4 and a half years now. We started dating when we were in high school (i was 16 and she was just about to turn 16 in a few months). I love her more than anything in the whole world. But ever since we started dating, i lost contact with all my closest friends, both male and female. She always finds problems with them. I have been loyal to her, i never once thought about cheating.
I used to be known by everyone in my batch and the younger people. And had not one enemy because i was always friendly and kind and outgoing with people. And because of that, i was popular with people, even the teachers lived me even though im mischievous in class and school. Fuck it, even the principal knew me. Both me and my big brother who was graduated by then. I had a really good reputation and it’s not because i tried to, its because I genuinely was kind and caring while also being fun and mischievous and athletic! (I understand that i wasnt the smartest kid around). Where as my gf was mostly surrounded by 3 toxic friends who equally lacked the social skills but was feeding negative and toxic things into her mind. My girl is smart and beautiful and extremely talented in sports as well! But those friends of hers were lazy at studies, tries to act like they’re it and like they are princesses who know exactly how people are when they are just protected children who hasn’t interacted with people! (They genuinely thought that life always goes as it is in movies). They brought down her grades massively and were hiding behind my girl while she does the dirty work guided by the things they put into her mind. They are also to blame for her starting to think I’m cheating on her with other girls or doing things behind her back. My girlfriend also lacks the ability to empathize and understand people at all. I partly blame the fact that she has almost never been exposed to interacting with public and was always protected by her family. But she deeply cares and tries to protect the people closest to her. Hence, the reason she did the dirty work of those toxic friends of hers.
She told me to stop hanging out with the guys who always had my back, who have helped me even in the little things, the guys i used to have friendly rivalries in sports and gaming. They were my brothers and people who i have even considered to be my bestmen when i marry. And she knew that. But she made me to stop hanging out with them. For the littlest things, for inability to understand how boys are. Obviously boys act differently towards each other. That’s what friends are. Thats what makes us G’s. Some of my friends did warn me about her, that she and those 3 friends of hers have a bit of a bad reputation. But they all were really open to my feelings and genuinely gave her a chance and we’re friendly to her. I just wish she was the same. They were happy for me and didn’t want to do anything that would hurt my relationship badly. But when they saw that she just won’t stop with the misunderstanding and trying to push me away, they tried to do their best to pull me closer too. But none of them tried to force me out of the relationship, they all adviced me though. That i have 3 choices, fix the relationship and make her have a change of heart so i can hangout with my friends, break up with her, or let go of them. I obviously decided option 1. But sadly it didn’t work.
And from girls, there was one girl in my friend group that she hated for some little reasons. But i know if she actually tried to, they could have been really close. She was in a different class and some girls in my class were pretty popular as well. And as I mentioned, i was really close with my friends girls too. But i always kept my girlfriend above them. Even so, my girlfriend wanted me to completely stop talking to that girl she hates and she wanted me to be rude to her and hate her too. I obviously can’t do that, a bond i have cannot be just broken and turned into hate. I tried to fix the problem there and remove that hate as well. I wanted my girlfriend to see that the problem that’s there between them is a simple thing that can be fixed. But her pride and ego is too massive for her to let go. She pretended to try but didn’t put even 1% of effort in it. I gave as much effort as i can with her friends... but she didn’t. I never told her to stop talking to her friends. NEVER. I only advised her of the things I felt, and i asked her to think about it herself, she let them go only when they told her that she spends time with me more than them which is not true at all, they know it and she knows it... every person who knows about our relationship knew it’s a stupid reason to start treating her differently. So she let them go... so coming back to my story... this hate towards her the spread like a flame to the other girl in my class, which those toxic friends of hers had a massive role in. How am I supposed to stop completely talking to people in my own classroom? How am I supposed to let go of friends girl or boys who i have created a memories and strong bonds? They all tried to befriend my gf but she doesn’t try at all! In the end my teacher found out about relationship and advised me about it too but i was so blinded by love that i never listened to anyone! So i lost contact with my friends both girls and boys! We went to college where some of my closest friends went to, by then my girl did let me talk to them, but it’s as if we were acquaintances and not friends. And she still continued to judge people.
She even started these things with my family! I don’t think there is a single member in my family she hasn’t had an issue with! Even my baby cousin who just turned 4! My mother and father and brother too! Every single person! She tried to make me stay home when we planned family trips which we rarely ever get to go! But she goes on more than 20 trips a year! She doesn’t let me have time with my family bc i have to text her or call her! She blames me for her having a bad life in high school! She blames me for having a bad time in college! And now she’s having a bad time in uni. She acts as her and her family are the perfect people! And i have changed a lot! I was the most patient man you would ever meet... and i am patient towards people who aren’t my family. But I get upset quickly towards her and my family now. I dont have much fun memories in high school and at home, we’re at uni in a different country, most of my friends who were close to me dont know where i am no. I dont have social media other than one chatting app bc she made me delete them, i only have a few contacts saved on my phone. And recently when she gets angry she gets a bit physical. And she says i have changed a lot. But she never tried to understand why i have changed. She says that you only need 2 or 3 close friends. But the friends “we” have are choices of her own. She gets in the way of my decisions, where she thinks her advise is better than my own mothers. To avoid fights in my relationship and to stop a fight where she says i always choose others over her or where she says that i never take her side and say my family is always right, i follow her advise. And some of those have come back to haunt me. I sometimes think back to when i used to have fun with my friends. Or when i have fun with my family. It’s so sad, if she stopped her attitude, made the relationship we have more important to her than her pride and ego, thought of my family as her own and treated it equally, and just listen to me and trust my decisions as a man, we could make this work. She sometimes understands that she has an issue with anger. But that’s it. She says that her rude attitude is actually her being a genuine and real person. Which is bullshit. There is a line between being true and being rude which she doesn’t see. She says that she has an attitude and if i dont like it i can leave which she know that if i wanted to leave i would have gone a long time ago, she blames me for people thinking badly of her when I really tried and people really tried (and there are instances where I actually had some fake friends who were rude to her, i stood up for her and took her side. Which she doesn’t appreciate).
And I’m not an angel. I never said i was perfect, i was never said I haven’t done wrong. I have lied to her about things. But all of those lies were to hangout with my friends, or because I know she’ll freak out if i tell her, to avoid unnecessary arguments, to stop arguments. But i dont have friends to go hangout with anymore or play some games or anything. I still have to hide some little details about anything regarding females. Even if i said i had a casual conversation with a girl, I would end up in a fight. It has reduced though, she understands a bit more now. But with this rate of growth, i would be old and dead by the time she understands.
But I know she cares and loves me, she made a huge decision of giving up her medicine degree to do it later just because I couldn’t get in at the time as well. She helped me with my studies, she has stood up for me even to lecturers when i have been treated unfairly, sometimes secretly and sometimes without listening to me, because she knows that I’m too forgiving to people and too kind to people and sometimes they abuse that about me. She has made sure and advised me to not let people walk all over me just because I’m too kind and forgiving and i know if I’m hurt or injured she’ll put away everything to come for me... I truly do lover her... i couldn’t stand to leave her, i want her and need her but I just want her to understand me, who I am and what i need. I always try my best to keep her happy. I don’t want to leave her.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?!
I am 12 almost thirteen and i feel like i need to tell my story. I suffer from depression and there is nothing i can do about it. What did i do wrong? I even think about suicide. Other people who feel like this - trust me, even though it may feel like it, you are not alone.
My best friend, who I was in love with for years, confessed that she liked me as more than a friend and I broke her heart. I just don't feel that way anymore and I know I destroyed our relationship forever. I made her cry.
god i am so lonely, i see all these people talking about being in a relationship and i just feel so alone. i haven't been in a relationship in a long time and i miss it
Im very depressed but I make people laugh. Its hard to be funny when your sad. But hearing someone laugh at my jokes make me happy. People don't understand how hard it is to be a comedian emotionally.
I think I might be pregnant again. This would be my second child if I am. I'm not ready. Why am I so weak sexually. I'm in love with my partner but I'm not married. I just don't know what to do if I am I don't have options anymore I feel so alone.
Realizing that cartoons aren’t real and life will never be as colorful and wacky and fun as the looney tunes probably fucked me up more than I realized. Going through life knowing I’ll never truly be friends with Bugs Bunny and the gang is something I think way too much about and it leads to me becoming very depressed. One day I’ll die and be forgotten yet Bugs will live in and remain in the public consciousness so long as there’s money in it.
I've fallen so behind on all my school work I just hate myself for it. My anger issues have returned after being controlled for 3 years. I fell like a failure after all my low grades. I'm trying to get into a school with one third acceptance rate but I know I won't get there if I can't get my shit together. I feel like shit. I wish I knew what I was doing. I need to see my therapist again. At this point, I feel defeated and like I'll just settle for a university I know I'll get into. There, I'll at least have maybe somewhat of a chance to explore my sexuality. I'm just trying to be optimistic. Its kinda awful to be optimistic given my circumstances, but there's nothing else to do. If I don't have that, then I won't care. So maybe I will kiss a guy if I ultimately fail at life this year. At least there's that.
I have a tendency to push away people. I lost all emotions, my heart turned cold, I lost interest in a lot of things. Sometimes i feel alone. I've been trying to figure out why. I Just can't find the answer.
So every time my brother gets mad, he becomes this hateful demon. Hes an ass to my mom dad and every one else. Hes only like this at home or in public when hes super pissed. He says the meanest shit sometimes, but every time I make him really mad I fear for my life. Hes told me hes had murderous thoughts and the things he does really anger me. I honestly dont know if hes a good person bad or both.... im just confused why is this happening to my already sick mother? How much time will pass before he realizes how wrong he is? Will he ever?
Sadness. When my marriage first ended i was so lost. Then i got so sick. Nearly died. Homelessness. I could barely focus. This phone was my only link to the outside world. Ive always had this inner desire to help others. I have helped many people.
But im messed up. God just didn't make me right. Other than a few people who love me, no one has ever wanted me around. I need to accept that. Quit trying to be what i cant be. Quit trying to be accepted by people who will never accept me. Reduce my world down to a tiny number of people. Forgive them any of their simple flaws. Accept im beyond being fixed. Accept no one outside my tiny circle will ever want me in theirs.
Accept i cant help others. I cant even help myself. Im delusional. I want to help. But i can not. I need to put all my energies into helping the small number of people who love me.
I regret anything i said or thought negative about my love. Time to be her hero again. Time to accept what is; even if things beyond my control caused it, & move on.
I love my beloved. I love our children. I’ve never stopped serving them, but i also tried to serve others. Theres nothing i can do for others anymore. No one other than my circle needs my poor attempts at help. Time to leave it to the more competent.
I am 15 years old and my friend told a teacher I had been smoking in the tennis courts because she was worried as I have health conditions, now this teacher knows I smoke pot, drink and self harm and pretty much every other secret I have. I don't even know her first name
Even though I'm surrounded by people and I'm enjoying myself, I still feel lonely and sad. I don't enjoy being alive and I feel like a husk of what I could be.
I've always felt this way, but I wake up each time I lose someone I love more than anything. Someone I dedicate my life to amd it somehow still isn't enough. Since I've given my heart away to people who just shattered it over and over, I'm a deeply troubled person.
Every night it's a battle to go to sleep, because I don't have someone to take care of me and make me feel better from all the people who hurt me and made me this way. I want vengeance on them for doing this to me, but I can't do anything about it.
So many people have harmed me both physically and emotionally, and all I ever want is someone who can help me heal from all of that. Someone I can dedicate my life to and feel appreciated and loved.
It hurts being alone, being treated this way over and over with only false hope to look up to.
im 17, my mom is a drug attict but i love her to death, she does heroin, and crack, this year 2016, i started to do herion somtimes and smoke crack sometimes, i just started because i have triedd other drugs just for the experience but i wonderd why my mom does heroin and cack all the time.. now i know the reason, but anywayone day i got a bag of heroin from my mom, she is aware i do it somtimes. anyway, i do this bag of heroin and i felt amazing, all i rember is closing my eyes, apperently i was dead, my body was purple from no oxygen and i wasnt breathing so my mom and my bestfriend who was there but she didnt know i was on drugs, they called the ambuence and they had to stick somthing up my nose so i can start breathing again, i woke up in the hospital and once i was told that i was dead i flipped out, i actually want to die, anyway after that i stopped for a while but now i do it again, yesterday night i did 2 bags of dope, the first one i did about 8pm, i didnt really feel what i wanted by 9pm so i did another one, about 20 min later i was smoking a blunt of weed with my sister and i wasnt feeling good at all, my head felt ike it was going to explode, so i put the blunt out and went into my house, i said goodnight to everyone and to her, i went in my room and i already knew i was overdosing, i tried so hard to keep myself awake because i didnt want to die so randomly, like i wasnt ready, i kept myself up untill 3 am and then finally said fuck it and went to bed, i woke up fine buti just been thinking since then.. why didnt i just lt it happen, maybe i want to live?.. idk but i really want to do it again and end it,,
I think I'm depressed but I don't know what to do about it. I can't go to school and it's especially hard on a Monday when I get this heavy, dull feeling I can't shake. But I sleep perfectly every night. My family think I'm just moody but it's more than that; the "moods" I get last for a long time and it's like I can't see the so called 'light at the end of the tunnel' and I've thought about suicide a lot.
I couldn't ever kill my self though because of my family and best friend and what that would do to them but it's really bad today. I call them "bad days" and only my friend knows about this because I skip school a lot and she covers for me.
I dont know what to do or how to tell my family... or if I even want to.
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