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I often pretend to trip or to fall down because I crave for closeness to others. And if someone helps me, I feel very good. I used to look out for women but today I don't care as long as someone touches me.
I do have friends but I like the physical contact with strangers. And please don't get me wrong, I just "like" it, it doesn't make me horny or something.
I feel I jumped into a relationship because I felt like I lead the guy on, he has special needs, he asked to have sex and I said no, but jerked him off because I felt since I already had a panic attack when he asked to go to the back of the school. I didn't want him to think it was him, I'm just not ready for it. I don't know how to tell him I don't want to have sex, I know he can't help it with communication issues of aburgers, and I really do care for him, but we only got together today, that's way to soon for me. I don't know what to do
#sex #relationship #help #guilt
I have grown a huge crush on my educator and future colleague and I cannot get over it or somehow I don't even want to get over it because I know what ever I feel is very pure and genuine. He's always there in my mind. Every where I go, everything I do, every time I close my eyes, every time I am with my open eyes, he's there , I mean not physically but he's there. Someone please help.me out.
#crush #colleague #senior #confessions #help
This is a really long story but it’ll try to make it short, last year I started dating this guys best friend, let’s call this guy brad. So brad started spreading rumors about me since me and my boyfriend started dating and he bullied me everyday and got other people to do it too, he’s sexually and physically assaulted me and now he goes to a different hs but he still continues to talk about me and it’s been reported to his school but nothing has been done. How
do I get him to stop? 😭
Im 15 gay and boy. I made a fake facebook as a girl texting this boy in school that isnt gay and is one of those who gets bullied and i hate him.but as the girl i said wank off that guy called (my real name) in the changing rooms. His mum comes to my house and tells my parents, school questions me about the situation and i deny everything saying i dont know anything and everyone believes me it has been gone the police know aswell but in scared someone will find out and expose me i dont know what i was thinking at the time but i feel bad someone help me get rid of this guilt
#guilty #online #policeknow #parentsknow #schoolknow #imnervous #someonehelp
The big girl at my school likes me and I kissed her. She’s on the basketball team, she is taller than me and out weighs me by 50 pounds. Keep in mind I’m 5’10 170. She is like 6’1 220 maybe heavier. I’m shocked that she likes me but she does. She practically pushed me into this corner outside of the classroom. Luckily no one was around but she said “you know I want you right” and me being a shy fuck said “thanks” and she laughed and said “let me kiss you” and I was like “ooookk” it was so awkward but she started kissing me. Tongue filled my mouth and she pulled my hands to her butt. I won’t lie after a minute I was getting into it. And school was over so no one was interrupting us. She tricked me into that spot alone because she said she needed me to take
Her picture for a class assignment we had. Anyways after a good 7 minutes of making out in this corner she leaves the biggest hickey on my neck and said I should come to her place when no one is home. I used so much of my sisters makeup to cover it up. But this girls butt is so big I wouldn’t know what to do with it. But I just can’t say no. It’s not that I’m scared I just don’t like confrontation sli agree with everything people want. Any advice?
A lesbian coworker ran her hand up my crotch and I said nothing. I kind of liked it and now I am worried because I keep thinking about it which makes me curious for a girl experience. I'm married which makes this all the wierder for me. I'm confused now and even imagining my husband joining after me and my new friend get to know one another a bit better. Why am I feeling nasty, naughty, and so curious?
#pussy #lesbian #rub #curious #husband #girl #coworker #confused #help #threesome
I feel like I'm useless yet I don't have depression, I sometimes just wanna talk to my friends but I feel like they all hate me especially one person. I have to spend the next few days with her and I seriously think she hates me. God, I wanna die
I am a closetted bisexual at the moment. When I was a kid everybody knew I'm somehow different from any other female kids. All them kids liked the color pink while I was the only one who liked blue. They were into barbie movies A LOT yet, I was so into Mr. Bean and I hated barbie.Their toys were like barbie dolls or just dolls, I loved remote control cars. (I broke their barbie dolls by tearing them arms and legs apart from the body.) I was so innocent then. I was never attracted to girls back when I was a kid but I also was never attracted to any girls stuff. I am not out yet but I am currently building up a lot of courage to tell my family. I have not tell any of my friends too. I am afraid to come out as bi because of the society. I am living in the Philippines at the moment and the people here are like homophobic. They make fun of girls liking girls. They make fun of bisexual. They said "Girls are just acting bisexual just to be cool." and that's what made me scared of comming out. I am afraid no one will believe me that I am bi because they will only think that I'm just tryna be cool. Some even thinks it's disgusting to like the same gender.
I want to be a therapist. I want to help anyone on here who needs someone to talk to.
It begins with a liar. I confided in someone I thought was a real friend. I have been in severe depression due to loosing my parents, starting menopause, husband diagnosed Asperger’s and the drama with him wanting an open marriage...... I just wanted life to end.
I confided in someone that is in her 20s... I don’t know why I thought she could understand anything.
After a few YEARS, yes years... of me crying to her.... she tells me I have anger issues and she would love to help me but she felt I was over reacting.
I was / have been on the verge of suicide, I cried all night to her and says later she told me this.
I was in severe pain and crying for help... and she made me feel like I was lying to her!!!!
Now I have extreme anger towards her!!!
She is also my husbands employee and I want her GONE!!!!
I may want my husband gone as well!!! He won’t have to worry about me not wanting an open marriage when he won’t be married to me!!!
( no he isn’t sleeping with her, she has talked about him behind his back...) another reason she needs to go
I have committed some sins, I’m not innocent.... but trusting her as a friend and her treating me like that has pushed me over the edge.
I hate her!!!! She is last person I have called friend and I will never look for another one.
People are selfish and awful. I want out of this world!!!!!
I was 16 my sister, 18 and i were home alone when she walked in on me masturbating. I did not know she was watching. then she jumped and put her dildo in me. at first, it hurt but then it felt soooo good. then she got my vibrator and used it on me. i came in her mouth. she started sucking on my clit like a pacifier. she pulled my hair. then she had me do all the same to her. when continued to do this for a whole year. until she went to college. ever since she left i have became suicidal and had to go to the hospital 2 times for attempted suicide, 5 to get stitches, and a mental facility 11 times. my parents still dont know and they will never ever ever ever know.
I don't know exactly how it started, or why I started.
All I know is that after that first time it led down a dangerous path I just can't seem to come off of.
At first, I would never have considered my case to be a serious problem. I would just do it here and there. I thought I'd have to do it many more times in order for it to become an actual problem.
The first time I remember making myself throw up was at work.
Yup, work.
I know I did it before that, but for some reason thats the first time I can recall. My boss had bought me a mint chip milkshake and I gladly finished it. A few minutes after I did I was filled with anxiety. I knew what I had to do. I went in the bathroom and quietly tried to make myself throw up.
I had to be no older than 14. At this time I had just lost a significant amount of weight( the healthy way), and I had to keep it off. From then on I battled extreme weight fluctuations and anxiety and guilt about eating.
Like I said, I never really considered myself to have a serious problem. I could go months without thinking about throwing up and wouldn't want to bury myself in a hole after eating some ice cream. I
t was the occasional ate way too much at dinner and then making myself not feel full after. After I ate a lot, I had the overwhelming urge to take a shower.
This is where I would make myself throw up. So, no one could hear me and the clean up was easy. It was weird, after I discovered the shower was a much easier place to purge, my skin just itched to take a shower after eating. I realized I was in a vicious cycle when I said to myself "Well, I'm going to make myself throw up tonight, so might as well keep eating."
This continued on and off for all of high school. It wasn't until my freshman year at college that things got really bad. I went into college excited as ever.
Ready to make new fiends, enjoy my freedom, start fresh. At one point I even thought the long distance relationship with Henry would work out… but that quickly changed.
Everything was perfect until right after fall break. I had lost a little weight (healthily) and went back for fall break a health 115 lbs, feeling great. I even thought the visit home to Henry went well. Then things changed.
Everything in my life completely turned around. I had to get my appendix removed suddenly.
Besides the extreme pain it caused, it took a lot of me with it. Missed a week of school, grades went down. Missed homecoming, halloween and weekends out. Goodbye new friends. Couldn't exercise for 2 weeks, goodbye in shape body. And Henry slowly fell off the map and we stopped talking. That surprised me a lot. He went from missing me and always talking to me to thinking that the best way to get over me was to forget about me.
Maybe he was right. Maybe it was for the best.
Long distance relationships in college just don't work. But then I didn't care. I just wanted him in my life.
Because I couldn't work out, I was terrified of gaining weight. I cut my calories significantly to make up for the lack of movement in my life.
This is when my "eating disorder" went from more bulimic to anorexic. It kills me to even type those words. One of the worst things that could've happened was me finding an app on my phone that keeps track of calories.
I would record absolutely everything in this app. I would even keep track of the calories in gum and multi-vitamins. My "goal" calories would be 1,200. But it would be a bad day in my eyes if my number even came close to that. I would be happy if my net calories at the end of the day was 200. (including the calories burned from working out..and I never missed a workout day.)
A typical day of eating for me would be an apple for breakfast, a few celery stick or carrots for lunch and a salad for dinner. This salad would be about the size of my hand. Or a few pieces of steamed broccoli. And I would feel guilty if I ate it all.
At this time in my life I think I was depressed. Im not really sure if I was, I just know I was miserable. I couldn't sleep. I didn't want to socialize with anyone.
I avoided talking to people. I counted the days until I was able to go home. The only things I seemed to have think about were what I was going to eat the next day, and when. And Henry, somewhere in the back of my head I thought when I came home we were going to end up back together. I couldn't pass a mirror without lifting up my shirt and staring at my stomach, thinking that I needed to make it smaller. Sometimes when I would stand up I would get extremely dizzy and my vision would go black. Once, I even fell over and bashed my head on a door knob. Then came thanksgiving break. First thing I did when I landed was text Henry. He made up some excuse why he couldn't hang out… weird.
He's the one who told me to "wait". I don't want to go into too much detail about me and Henrys relationship, but to a certain extent he played a role in how my life changed.
When I first saw my family I could sense a weird look in their eyes. I knew I had lost a lot of weight but I didn't see it the way they did. For me, I was still obsessed about what I ate and how I looked. To them, I was grossly skinny. I thought I could loose more weight. The anxiety and guilt I got from eating was overwhelming. I love food and wanted to eat.. but I just couldn't. Friends would comment on me losing weight. I loved it.
I knew some people thought I looked gross. Some people said I looked amazing, but they were probably lying. P
eople constantly said that I needed to eat a sandwich. The worst was my dad shoving protein bars and cookies in my face. I did not respond well to that. I started giving attitude back when people commuted on how skinny I was.
When you're that skinny and someone points it out, it's the same as pointing out how fat someone is. It was mean. But I liked it. I went back to school continuing the same habits. Christmas break wasn't long after. At this point I had convinced myself and others that my weight loss was due to my extremely healthy views on food.
I would spend hours and hours on health blogs and looking up healthy recipes. In some ways, I was being healthy and because of this stage in my life I think I do have new outlook on food and why its important to be healthy. People bought it, I think. One night home, I ran into Henry. I awkwardly said hi at a party and that was our contact for the night. Later that night, he texted me. The conversation did not go in the direction I thought it was going in. He addressed how skinny I was and that people mentioned I have "changed."
He said that my body was better before, and that I had lost my butt. He thought I was being unhealthy and asked if I was ok. I was not happy about this. I was so mad.
Long story short the conversation did not end well. I cried to my friends about it, saying that I'm just a really healthy eater now.
Well, healthy eaters don't look like skeletor. Looking backIi should've known my friends agreed with Henry by the looks on their faces as I vented about it. I even cried to my mom about how much I hated my frail new body, but I didn't want to do anything about it. I got back to school to find out that my mom had contacted my roommate asking about my eating habits. I felt betrayed and embarrassed. At this point, I knew I had a problem.
But I only could admit it deep, deep down inside me. I also weighed myself for the first time in months. 98 lbs… I was shocked.
I was sick and tired about obsessing over everything I put in my mouth. The rest of the year was slightly better. I still only ate extremely healthy and my obsession was more about working out. I stopped running as much as I did and tried to add some strength training into my routine. I wanted to put weight on however, I weighed myself everyday and would make sure the scale didn't get passed 104 lbs. (104 would be a heavy day too)
But I felt better about myself. I never really felt weak because I was early a lot (granted I would just have a plate of vegetables, but it was still a lot) compared to how I was eating before, I was eating up a storm.
This is when I truly convinced myself that i was super healthy. Perfect workout schedule. Plenty of fruits and vegetables and I was really trying hard to get protein into my diet. I wouldn't eat any processed gross food. I even started to rub off on other people. My mom said I "inspired her and the family" and I hung out with a girl everyday and she became a really close friend of mine. She lost weight and was really happy about it. My friends at home would ask me advice about workouts and such and I loved it. I really developed a passion and love for fitness and health.
In the back of my mind I couldn't help but feel like I cheated people though, given my true feelings. School was finally over and I could wait to be back home. I remember slipping back into my old habits of obsessing in front of the mirror and thinking I was gaining a lot of weight. Until my friend snapped me back into reality.
She texted me after seeing me one day and expressed her concern about my weight. For a brief second I was mad and tried to think of an excuse. But I later thanked her, realizing that I wish people were as brave as her to confront me. I knew people were concerned and I wish they said something instead of waiting until I gained some weight back.
I don't blame them though, I don't think I could've if I were in their situation. From that point I knew I had to gain weight.
It was a sudden switch in my head to make myself realized that it is ok to eat.
And not to feel like I committed a crime for occasionally treating myself. However, this switch turned something else on.. something I hated.
For all of june and july I absolutely loved my body. I was so content with life and was the happiest I've been in months.(about 110-115 lbs)
Sometime in midjuly is when it all turned around. This is really really gross what I'm about to share. And really weird. (I slightly opened up to people about my other problems-but never this. its far too embarrassing) I don't know how the fucking gross habit emerged but I first tried it around christmas time.
I had been depriving myself for so long I just wanted to eat. A lot. And so I did.
But… I spit it back out before i could swallow it. I did that a lot over christmas break. Sneaking food into my room and waiting to be alone to eat.
At this time I also didn't want anyone to see me eat. (even if it was a normal meal)
I thought they'd judge me and think I was fat.. even though they were probably wishing my fragile frame would eat.
Anyway, my eating habits were normal and healthy, I would work out and had a very fit figure. I was thin, but a good thin. Not holocaust victim thin. I got obsessed with my chewing and spitting habit.. it got bad. I would spend hours eating and spitting it out.
By the end of my binge I would end up making myself throw up multiple times just to make sure that I didn't get any of the calories. But because the amount of food I ate during these binges, it was nearly impossible not to ingest some of these calories, even if I did throw up afterwards. (Mom... this is why the credit card bill was so high.. and why my room was a mess)
By late august I had lost that figure that I had absolutely loved. I looked in the mirror and tried to think of how I had gained weight. I had been eating healthy, workouted everyday. It was impossible that this were to happen. But oh yeah… I had hour long food binges.. of course it was going to catch up.
For the summer times I didn't really care though, it was nice to eat and not worry about it. But at the same time I'd almost rather have that than my new habit.
It was so annoying. I can't even describe how miserable it made me.
On the outside, everyone thought I had overcome my eating disorder and that I was back to my normal outgoing self. On the inside I was miserable. At least once a day I would cry to myself, tell myself I've hit rock bottom and that tomorrow I would stop.
But I couldn't. I went from weighing myself everyday to being terrified of the scale because I knew the weight had crept up. (I regret this, maybe I would've noticed the pounds inching up)
Here I am back at school and on the outside I seem happy. The school year is going so much better and I no longer count the days until I'm home, I love my friends and me and Henry are even friends now. But… its not over.
I've only been in school for a few weeks and I've made myself throw up many times.
I've been really risky about it considering I share a room and bathroom with other people. I've even made myself throw up in the bathroom and my roommate was in the room (I still wonder if the shower was loud enough)
No one would suspect anything though. Because I think I'm slightly overweight at this point. Infact I fucking hate my body. I'm about 133 lbs and I can't stand it. Granted, some of it is muscle but I would do anything to lose a good 15 lbs.
I'm actually really nervous to go home because all I can think about is how people are going to say how fat I am. I'm obsessed with thinking about my body. I literally don't go a day without thinking about how gross I look.
I'm writing this because I've never gotten all of it out at once. I'm not going to re read it but hopefully it makes sense for the most part. Even though I tried to explain how I felt, it's literally impossible to express what this past year or so has done to me.
I've been through so much and I don't think anyone can really understand it, no matter how hard I try to explain it. In some ways I don't regret anything because I really did learn so much about myself and other people. I also really have developed a passion for fitness and healthy eating.. even if it seems a bit hypocritical at times.
At the same time, I don't know what to do with myself sometimes. I wish I could just go back to july and redo the rest of the summer. If I hadn't had those stupid binges maybe I'd still have that perfect body. I'm trying really hard to get it back. But I'll find myself alone and just binge and purge.
My knocked even started to scab recently. I fear that I'll always have this relationship with food. I mean if you think about it, I've been dealing with it for over 5 years.
Making yourself throw up is not healthy.. even if its a few once or twice a month.
I would take the body I have now over the one I had over the winter though. But I still hate my body. I just don't know what to do at this point. I keep telling myself tomorrow… tomorrow it will all be better.
I can't help but think that it never will be better. But I want so much for it to be.
#food #help #skinny #fat #confession
It's been a rough day and I feel so alone. I wish I didn't. I wish I knew someone could see it and cared but no one does, I've gotten very good at hiding it from everyone...
Hello, I am 15 and have a boy friend. I love him. Been going for 2yrs strong. But I watch porn everyday. Is that wrong? Or should I tell him. But I don't wanna lose him.
i hate having a bf. i miss being single and flirting w whoever i want. i never want to do any of the couple-y things w him and I'm just not as interested anymore. idk what to do tho bc he has a history of depression and I think breaking up would really mess him up. advice?
#regret #boyfriend #help #advice #depression
My sister has a good friend, lets call her Lynn. I have always wanted to be friends (sometimes more) with Lynn but I am not good at initiating social interaction so I was stuck were I was, seeing her occasionally when my sister brought her over. She always makes me smile and laugh and I admire her determination. Now Lynn is driving most of her friends away (according to my sister) including my sister, which means two things.
1. I won't get to see her as often/ almost never.
2. I have always wanted to be a mediator in conflicts and to help and comfort people in hard times. I want to help Lynn and comfort her and just be supportive especially because I feel a connection to her and want to be her friend, but I don't know how to become her friend because of such a lack of contact (also she is pushing away friends so I doubt she wants new ones). I feel like this is my chance to become friends with her and help her as a person but I just lack to means. By that I mean partially my lack of social skills but also Lynn dislikes my sister now and my sister is forcing herself on her, and I have no way to contact her other than via my sister which makes me feel awkward. I can't just be like 'Hey, you know that friend that hates you now. Ya, can I have their number."
I am a 19 year old female, who is currently stuck in the closet. I am ready to come out. but I am scared what people will think, especially my parents considering I live with them and I won't be moving out for at least another 3 years. I am also a virgin. Which scares me because I am only attracted to older women (30+ feminine). I would love to be in a relationship with an older woman, but firstly I am not pretty nor thin and secondly I don't want them to see me as just a little girl. I am super shy so I could never chat up a woman. None of my friends are gay, or know I am gay, I don't know what to do. I just want to have someone next to me.
#lesbian #young #older #women #love #lust #attraction #closet #help #virgin #relationsip
Sometimes I write suicide notes and hide them in my room until I can leave them on my desk before I overdose on pills.
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