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I'm 53, male, and married now for nearly 30 years. No children.
I grew up in a strict religious home. Sex was reserved for married people and I still believe this to this day. I had in my teens what I would consider with my limited experience, a normal libido. Erections with the slightest stimulation: vibration of the school bus, brushing up against a girl, bikini clad tv characters, and all manner of stimulus, and I would have a raging hardon. By 13 or 14, I can't remember, I started masturbating in the shower initially. It gradually increased in frequency all through my teens and early 20s until I finally got married at 23. We were both virgins and very naive. I knew before I married my wife that she had been physically and emotionally abused by her step father who, by the way, was only 12 years older than her. He never raped her, but fondled her breasts and made advances towards her. He even bored a hole through the bathroom wall to spy on her and her sisters. When they discovered the peep hole, they plugged it as best they could and told their mother, but if fell on deaf ears. She couldn't believe he would do such a thing. He did worse to the other 2 girls than my wife, but apparently she was affected more than her sisters.
After we were married for a year, what little sex there was in the marriage ended abruptly. Penetration became painful for her and after many doctors visits, the diagnosis was vulvar vestibulitis. We tried all manner of "cures" for years. Spent thousands of dollars on attempts to "fix" her problems. To no avail. I gradually returned to my old habits and eventually added porn to the addiction. Work, public restrooms, driving down the road in my car, were all opportunities to jackoff. She didn't work much, just the odd part-time job here and there, so I had little to no time at home alone, so I masturbated whenever I had the opportunity.
Over the years, I had a couple opportunities to be unfaithful with other women. About 5 years into our marriage my wife was out of town for about 3 months taking care of her grandfather. Her younger sister and her daughter were moving across several states. Their route took them through our area, so they decided to stop at my house and stay the night before continuing their move. My grandmother lived next door to me, so I stayed with her while my sister-in-law and her daughter stayed at my house. This was all with my wife's knowledge. I had the perfect opportunity to have sex with her and no one would have known. After she left, I masturbated what felt like non-stop for days thinking of her. She has the best looking ass of the 3 sisters. She's also the only physically fit of the 3. How I wanted to fuck the hell out of her before she left. As she was backing out of the drive to leave, I noticed she left something in the bedroom. Some piece of clothing or something. I ran outside and flagged her down. When I handed her the object, whatever it was, she had a somewhat puzzled look on her face. Did she want me to invite her back inside? I don't know, but I had my suspicions. She told my wife years later that I was a better man than my wife knew. We both looked at each other and had that look of acknowledgement. During the same time period, my aunt, who lived across the road from me took in a renter. She was gorgeous! Auburn hair, killer body, beautiful face and wild as they come. I never made a move. Next came my wife's best friend. This was the closest I ever came to cheating physically. She moved in with us, but we were very careful about never being together without my wife around. I came home once to find my wife gone and her friend was laying out in the sun right outside my bedroom window. I watched her from the window and jacked off, more than once, don't remember. To this day, I still think she chose that spot intentionally to tease me. She fained a muscle cramp once to try to get me to give her a massage. I resisted. I watched her drive out of our driveway when she left later that same day only to see here angrily cussing and shaking her head. She eventually got married and moved out. I traveled for work for about a decade. Never took advantage of the opportunity. Always looking, but never touched another woman. I just never got up the courage to cross the line.
When my wife turned 43, a "miracle" happened. Her pain went away and we enjoyed about 5 years of what I believe was a normal sex life. We had intercourse 3 or 4 sometimes more times a week. Then just as quickly as it came, it went away. The pain was back and then she had a nervous breakdown. Can't work, won't leave the house except for doctors visits, sits on the couch and watches tv and plays video games. She's 52.
Should I have left 25 years ago? Sometimes I think so. I went right back to jacking off and the porn obsession has gotten worse. It takes more and more deviant videos to get me off. How I wish I could go back in time. Would I still marry this woman? I really don't know. I just feel worthless, angry, frustrated, and hopeless. I feel as though my life has been a waste as far as my marriage goes. Neither one of us is happy, but it's not for lack of trying. I hope one day this all ends up being worthwhile.
#frustrated #horney #regret #guilty #conscience #sisterinlaw #bestfriend
Im 15 gay and boy. I made a fake facebook as a girl texting this boy in school that isnt gay and is one of those who gets bullied and i hate him.but as the girl i said wank off that guy called (my real name) in the changing rooms. His mum comes to my house and tells my parents, school questions me about the situation and i deny everything saying i dont know anything and everyone believes me it has been gone the police know aswell but in scared someone will find out and expose me i dont know what i was thinking at the time but i feel bad someone help me get rid of this guilt
#guilty #online #policeknow #parentsknow #schoolknow #imnervous #someonehelp
One of my co-workers is sick for two weeks now. I think I have something to do with it. He always brings is thermos jug with him to work, and he's a really nervous and bustling person, so I put some suppressant in his tea. His reaction on the drugs were hilarious but now I feel a bit guilty.
I hope he will be fine soon!
#sick #suppressant #tea #guilty
I grew up being told not to let anyone touch my body except my husband after marriage. That meant nothing sexual. My ex-boyfriend and I were driving somewhere and his hand was on my thigh. He slipped his hand higher just to see what I would do. It was making me realize horny. I let his finger graze my private spot. He then started touching me on the outside of my clothes. We went to find a place to park and we started making out. Eventually I let his hand go under my clothes. And I started touching his private place too. It got hot and heavy. I told him we had to stop or it would go to far. He told his parents and we broke up because they didn’t like it. I never used to do things like that but I find myself in situations similar to that one. I only told 1-2 people but I can’t bring myself to tell my parents or religious leader. I feel like I do need to tell my religious leader so I can be worthy again.
Not too long ago, I posted on another confession website about how I started hating it when the people I work with would talk to me and I began fighting the urge to tell anyone I worked with to shut the "F" up. A few days later, I went to the website and saw somebody commented on my confession. The comment was, "Find another job complainer." I swear, I tried to fight the urge to retaliate by not saying anything mean but, in the end, the urge was too great. I responded with, "I did a job on your mom last night. Neither of us were complaining." I know what I did was wrong and I am sorry but, it does get me mad when I confess something and hope to see words of encouragement but instead get talked down too when all I really want is for somebody to say something nice that could give me a piece of mind and let me know that whatever I'm feeling will go away with enough time.
I love my car and my computer more than my girlfriend.... I don't have a guilty conscience.
I confess to being lazy. I try and do as little work as possible. I often don't do homework assignments until the last minute. As I type this, I have readings I am supposed to be have done. I have not done them because I can't bring myself to do the work. Sometimes, I get lower grades than I should because I was lazy and didn't work as hard as I should have. One time, I put off an assignment for months after it was due.
I nap often because I am so lazy that sleep is a better option than actually doing school work.
I am guilty. I am a sinner. I will seek out ways to discipline myself, and do penance.
Im in love with both of boyfriends roomates.. I long for them so much. I just want to curl up on their laps and spend my time with them in their arms. Not to mention the sexual fantasies.. I won't ever do anything, they are all close friends and im not that kind of person it just.. hurts.
I feel I jumped into a relationship because I felt like I lead the guy on, he has special needs, he asked to have sex and I said no, but jerked him off because I felt since I already had a panic attack when he asked to go to the back of the school. I didn't want him to think it was him, I'm just not ready for it. I don't know how to tell him I don't want to have sex, I know he can't help it with communication issues of aburgers, and I really do care for him, but we only got together today, that's way to soon for me. I don't know what to do
#sex #relationship #help #guilt
My (m.29 at the time) fiancé (f. 28 at the time) died 2 years ago, we were together for 9 years. It happened out of the blue and we didn't see it coming. Ever since then i've gotten so depressed and lost myself so much from the person i used to be that i'm not sure she would still love me. I've started having panic attacks over the silliest things about my own health (i.e., think i'm having a heart attack, stroke, ect...) with no reason to believe that those things are happening or could. I tried going to therapy not long after she had passed away, but i didn't like the doctor, he just felt really robotic and like he was reading from a script, so i stopped going, and haven't done anything about it since. i'm not sure if it's survivors guilt or something, but i almost don't care to take care of myself for reasons i can't exactly pinpoint. i don't want to talk to my parents or friends or other family about my mental health situation because i know it would just upset them and make them sad for me and i don't want to do that to them. sometimes i just want to pack the most basic of belongings and just disappear out of their lives and maybe they'd just forget about me and i can have a do over with my life. i don't think i ever would, but i think about it a lot.
There's this guy that works at a store near me. He has to be the hottest guy I've ever seen. And every time I go to the store and see him he catches me staring, I know he's too old for me but damn. I'd do anything he told me to. The thing is I have a bf and I feel guilty just thinking about this guy. When I know I have 0 chance with a guy because they're 10/10 and I'm a 1/10 I usually don't even bother thinking about them but I can't stop! Help! Is it wrong I think about him?
I love my girlfriend with everything that I have and will do anything for her. She's one the best parts of my life, but her drinking is her default to life's stresses. I wish it wasn't because she changes into someone I don't recognize when she drinks. She's says hurtful things to me and gives me anxiety by how reckless she becomes. Tonight I woke up in the middle of the night only to feel my back and legs wet, she had pissed herself in the bed. I wish she didn't drink so much when things get stressful because I love her, I just don't love drunk her.
I sat at the back of the auditorium at my school during a play and fucked myself. I dont know what came over me but i couldnt stop and almost got caught, i wasnt masturbating to my classmates i was just really horny.
#school #play #exibitionism #caught #guilt
I recently became so close with one of my friends who is very innocent and straight forward. She once started talking about how aroused she was and I was shocked to hear that. I was like "It doesn't feel right to share these stuff" but she said it's okay as since she just shared her inner feelings. As days went now we talk a lot about sex (we don't sext each other but share the interest fetishes) sometimes I get aroused listening to that. I feel bad about getting aroused and I told her about it. But she was like as long as you are not thinking about doing with me it's not a problem.
I met my current girlfriend on a dating site. She's attractive but not amazing, however, she has a truly sweet personality.
While I was on the site I saw the profile of a girl who was my idea of perfection. I'd messaged her but never got a reply.
Today, I was out shopping with my girlfriend and I saw that girl from the dating site. She looked so beautiful I felt like crying, I couldn't take my eyes off her.
I know my girlfriend is great and I'd recently decided I was in love with her but now all I can think about is the perfect girl I saw today, I will dream of being with her and feel really guilty about it
When my dad's dog died I was actually happy at first. He was old and no longer able to control his bowels while also being more demanding than usual. He was always a bit of a nuisance due to my parents not training him at all and in age became worse through no real fault of his own. He was clearly suffering since his legs had failed entirely. He got put down after vomiting blood.
After a few days I began to remember his puppyhood and felt emotional. He was a trouble maker but never malicious. He wasn't a bad dog, maybe he could had been trained better but he was not bad.
He seemed so scared when he was in his final days of existence. I want to know his pain has ended and he is in Heaven not some eerie plane of non-existence.
I gave him a bath and cooked chicken with a tasty sauce for the dog in his sunset hours. I didn't actually know he was going to be put down that day.
I wish I had cared for him more in his life. Now I feel a void. He was a nice dog. He didn't deserve to die and it hurt to watch him suffering. I feel like a shit person.
A hackers love confession
In my late teens I use to investigate seedy websites and report information to authorities (thinking I would make a difference) and post the sites on pastebin for others to try and destroy. Along this journey I came across a clear net site dedicated to pictures of young teens and underage girls. (honeypot? Probably) On this site was a group of girls from my high school, some of which i personally knew. Being the coward whilst always being a protector, never had the courage to tell these girls someone they knew where posting there private photo's for scumbags to jerk off too. (I hope it wasn't you Seskus!)
Years went by and my karma returned. Now in my early 20's and looking for love, I jumped on some dating apps. It was only a few days after I signed up that she messaged me, 'Hi :)". It was one of the girls in the numerous photographs I had seen in those years previously. I replied back, "Hey, how are you?". As messages were sent back and fourth, we agreed to meet up. I thought maybe this was a universal sign asking me to protect her, a second chance to let her know. Weeks went by and we had become pretty close. She knew I was into IT and computers, and I would drop hints as to what I use to do and the evil i'd seen. I broke down to her sobbing one night trying to explain the evils I had encountered. She could never understand why I would get so emotional, thinking I was just too much. Though how do you tell someone your falling for that someone they use to know did them evil? That you know someone manipulated her like that without her having and knowledge of it? I did almost everything I could to let her know, but on the other hand, I thought ignorance is bliss, especially for something like that.
We were together for about half a year (not a long time). I truly loved her though and would of done anything to protect her. But the thought of me knowing the past like i did haunted me. No matter how hard I tried to get that off my chest, it burden the relationship to the point that it ruined everything we shared. The end conclusion was she thought I was a emotional mess and too secretive and I decided to end it out of fear. (The worst mistake I've made). I never did tell her the truth.
Now months have passed, she's with someone else and I have the everlasting weight of guilt on my shoulders
If for some reason you ever see this. Know that i'm truly sorry for not being completely honest with you. All I was trying to do in the end was protect you. You were the SUN to my MOON
x
I was sleeping at my friends house and because his much younger sister was at her friends I was able to sleep in her room. After me and my friend were done hanging out in his room and decided to go to bed I went to his sisters room. Even though his sister is younger than me she is still good looking. I went to her dirty clothes hamper and grabbed some socks. I had one to my face and one I used to masturbate with. I just smelled her dirty feet and I had cum in the sock. I felt guilty after and I put the socks back with her dirty clothes. It felt really good but also I felt weird after knowing what I did. I was thinking of her while masturbating as well. Then when I left before I went I grabbed her dirty underwear and just licked and smelled them, then I put them back.
I cheated on my gf of 5 years with her best friend. I had been doing so since 1 year now. I kept lying to both of them that I dont talk to the other person but yesterday they both found out about it and now have broken up with me. I feel guilty and sorry inside for doing such a terrible thing. I love my Gf of 5 years a lot but developed a strong feeling for her friend as well last year and i ended up doing such a terrible thing. I feel guilty inside and am unable to forgive myself. Also it pains me inside when i think about how heart broken the girls are because of me. I have honestly apologised for my mistakes but they are not ready to talk to me anymore.
#relationship #cheating #advice #guilt #sorry
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