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Dog chili crap & the dog whistle.
Roommates new girlfriend decided to mess with me. I’m nice. But never mess with the smartest person. I timed it. Fed their dogs a bunch of chili. They had loose stools last night in the young pieces bed. She took them in the bath. Poop on the new bath mat.
This morning when her highness arrived; she had no bath mats & poop in the shower. Plus it smelled horrible.
The other day she was upset a dog ate one of her shoes. Oh it was funny when they ate my shoes. How did her shoe get out. Just put a few dog treats on the shoe. Tie a chew toy to the laces. Let it go. Now she has one new LaBron. One who looks more like old LaBron. Chewed up & wore out. What a shame.
Oh yeah. They like to get loud & stay up late. New hoe likes to throw objects against my door to make her dogs thrash around out there. She knows it must annoy me. I wear earmuffs when I sleep. Barely notice. But I do wait till it all calms down. The place is quite. I blow a dog whistle. I hear young hoes room explode in noise. Dogs yapping & barking. Cats stirred up. Light comes on. Cussing. Door opens. Dogs run out. Chase cats. Cats hiss & knock stuff over. Broke glass. Leftovers in the floor. I fall back asleep. Sometimes I do it later at night or earlier in the morning.
Oh. Another fun game. They used to leave leftovers out at night. Then get up to snack. I now sneak out. Loosen the lid of covering. Smear on some cat treat they love. Carefully set a cat by the food.
It’s awesome when the cats start fighting. Knock a whole pan in the floor. I also love it when someone gets up & catches a cat eating out of the food. They won’t eat it now, but leave it for the others.
Mostly they now put the fresh leftovers in the fridge now. Then complain it’s cold & dried out. Too funny. If they ever stop eating my food and bouncing balls by my door I’ll stop.
While our kids were in school, my husband and I had to let our dog Maco be put down. He was already very old and has several tumors in his lungs. That happened 2 days ago. But we were both too scared to tell our children because they loved Maco by all their heart. They would never forgive us if they found out that we let this happen. So for 2 days now, we act like Maco went missing, we even helped our kids to create missing posters and they are spreading those posters now in our neighbourhood.
Roommates have lots of pets. They fight. Bark. Hiss. Tear up. Only one is clean and doesn’t smell like litter box. I have two great fine tuned squirt bottles. The cats get wet face. I’ll hunt them. They even look at my room. Squirt. The dogs get it easier and harder when owners are gone. Special mix of powder and water. Itches. Burns a little. Like when yuh used to prank friends with itching powder. They come home or wake up & a dog is whining and scratching. Whatever.
They mostly steer clear of my room.
Sounds mean? I hear them yelling and cussing. That dog bit me. It ate my shoe. It drug the ham off the table. The cats in the food. It got litter on the food. It chewed a hole in the cushion. It tore up my new shirt. Damn it. Don’t scratch. Get your muddy feet off my dress. I have a date. Now I’ve got to change.
Those damn dogs woke me up all night. I have to goto work. Your dog shit on my carpet.
Help me get the dog. It’s chasing a car. It’s in the neighbors yard barking at 2am. The neighbors cussed me out.
They talk to the animals like humans. Mr shit please get down. That’s the dog that eats shit. There’s a black cat named......black cat.
Mr shit; please quit eating shit.
Here’s a hint. They don’t speak English. However; they do learn that getting in my room makes their nose burn and itch.
Oh Mr shit. What’s wrong. Come see moma mr shit. You wanna go for a ride mr shit.
I love to hear them wonder. You ever notice mr shit doesn’t try to get in his room. I know. He got in my room last night and got in my bed. He stinks. Now my sheets smell like wet dog shit.
I’m not sure how to train the females to quit walking in when I’m nude. Or to get them to wear at least underwear. But I have got the zoo animals under some control.
The most important thing in my life is my dog Bella. She's everything to me and she's everything I have left to call family. I know it sounds cheesy but it's the truth.
And she's the reason why I have a big secret. She belonged to a young boy in my neighbourhood and he was so kind to her, I can't say he was a bad pet owner. But I was so lonely and I was about to move house into another part of the city.
So, an hour before the removal van came, I took her. She was alone in the garden because it's family was having dinner. They didn't notice anything.
I drove off with the dog before they finished their meal...
You ever think you were right but you weren’t ? Well that happened to me. Im glad i never wrote down or typed the real answers i had in my head. Oh i wrote & typed some false stuff. Never give away the truth. Theres always a thief that will find a way to steal that.
But turns out i was wrong; so thats actually awesome. I got rid of my false stuff. Left some more intentional gibberish. Now its time to move on from that foolishness. Glad i never pursued that. Id look like an idiot.
Now for something funny. My roommates pets will not leave me alone. I woke up with one of them sleeping on me. I go to the bathroom. Get out of the shower. There one is. Follow me around. Drive me nuts. I dont have the heart to be mean, but i dont have any pets, because i dont want any. Shouldn’t they go bother the people who feed them? Cats. Dogs. This is why i never had indoor pets.
I don't have a single friend on this planet. I have some online people I talk to but they really aren't friends. I thought they were but aren't. My husband only stays with me because I support him. My kids don't even like me. My dog got mad at me for getting my daughter a dog of her own and won't have anything to do with me. I'm the most lonely and miserable person on the planet. My grandmother was my best friend and she died two years ago. I haven't spoken to anyone at all for more than a few minutes since she died. I wonder almost daily if everyone wouldn't be better off without me. I honestly don't think anyone would even notice I was gone.
When I was 14 I was on my bed masturbating. I had no panties on. I was a really horny girl. Never had a boyfriend at time. I used to masturbate almost everyday. That day my dog was in the room while I was masturbating. I was using this toothbrush that vibrated. All of a sudden my dog jumped on me and started licking my pussy. My dog is huge English Mastiff. I only weighed like 100 pound while he weighed more than that. I couldn't get him off me if I wanted to, but I didn't because it felt so good. Then all of a sudden he moves and sticks his penis in me. That is when i wanted to push him off but i couldnt. I didnt want to scream for help because my parents would find out i was masturbating. After a while I felt his cum go in me and he got off. I cried and cleaned myself up. Then a couple of weeks went by and i got the idea to try it again. Now im 18 and I still have sex with my dog. Ive had 3 boyfriends since i was 14 but i didnt saty with them long because the sex with my dog was too good to give up and i knew i couldnt have a normal relationship if i still had sex with my dog. I dont know what it is about fucking a dog but it is very good. Im planning on getting another dog, might make things a lot more fun.
As kids me and my brother always hid the poop of our dogs in the newspapers of our neighbours.
Dangerous dog used as football. Animals are not humans. I had a neighbor who loved his dog more than humans. The previous owners gave it to him after it but someone. It was Uber aggressive.
One day it bit me. I was going to call animal control & have it put down as a danger to society but my wife begged me not to. I told her you have a small child. Your endangering your child’s life by letting it lived. It’s just a violent animal. It needs to be put down. She cried & pleaded. So like a fool I let it go.
I went and complained to the neighbor politely. He threatened me. Acted like it was his child. So I told him next time I’ll kick it’s butt. We have leash laws.
It harassed other neighbors. Like my wife they didn’t want to deal with it. It’s just a dog. Don’t hurt it. What about the humans? In the mountains we kill deadly aggressive animals. City people try to put human emotions in animals.
Well one day I’m walking my small children. It comes running down the road and tries to attack one.
I used to play football and soccer. I grabbed that thing and punted it like a football. Just a natural reaction. It was trying to attack my child. Nothing hurts my babies.
That dog sailed off like an NFL kick. Nice distance and hang time.
Well the neighbor came up threatening me and my children. I got very aggressive and he got scared. Some male neighbors had ran down and threatened to kick his butt. He ran to his home. Behind every mean dog is a mean human.
We wanted to call the city and have it euthanized. My wife begged us not to.
It tried to attack our small children. One was a newborn in a stroller. What it is with women? Leave dealing with animals to men.
Well no one called. So fast forward. I come home from the store one day and she’s in the house crying. She’s bleeding. Bite marks and scratches all over her arms and legs. What happened?
Oh she heard a scream. The dog had gotten out without a leash again. It ran a child on a bike down. Attacked the boy. Several woman had to run out to help the mom drag it off the boy. It attacked all of them too. No man was around to deal with the dog. Finally a man arrived and dealt with it. People including the boy were gone for stitches to a hospital. Some very angry husbands and one very angry dad were wanting a piece of the owner. He’d took off. The city had the dog. Uh huh. You don’t say. But it’s just a dog. It has feelings. It’s owner loves it like a child. Well it’s not a child. It’s a violent animal.
Well now my wife agreed. She looked at our children. Realized had she not helped it would have killed our neighbors child. She also realized that without that man showing up one of the women may have been killed.
Scared the neighbors. My neighbors have a bunch of dogs that scare my female roommates. I stay out of it.
But they came on my property, started barking at my girlfriend and scared her. I’m a massive human. I pulled off my shirt and walked towards the dogs to beat their butts. The neighbors ran out. Grabbed their flea bags. And drug the noisy tic carriers in the house. It was funny. You want to own dogs you’d better keep them away from people I love. Get a nice dog & keep it home. Don’t let your violent dog come near my loved ones or I’ll cancel it when it tries to attack one day. Then I’ll call the cops & sue your butt.
#dog
I don't like the way my wifes talks to me. She treats me like I don't know anything and like I couldn't do anything without her telling me. I now started to give her sweets everytime she talkes nicely and politely with me and it's starting to work. She is re-thinking her behaviour and even corrects herself if she said something harsh.
This method is called "classical conditioning" by Pavlov. He invented this, using his dog.
#dog #pavlov #wife #sweets #conditioning #classical #confession
Was biking along the road on an evening. It was in January and therefore pretty cold. I was driving home from gym when I suddenly heard strange noises. Like there was someone screaming and squeeking or something. Because it was already getting dark, I hurried to look around and found a dog on the roadside, bound to a fence. He already looked very tired and exhausted and I guess he has been there for a while.
Then I noticed a car which was approaching us, so I hid behind a tree because I didn't want anyone to see me and think I bound that dog to that fence. The car passed, I was happy that no one saw me, I got on my bike and drove home. It took me a while before I realised I left the dog in his terrible position without helping him but I was almost at home and it had got dark, so I went home.
I don't know what happened to the dog but I feel terrible. Please please dear god, I really hope someone else helped the poor guy...
I confess I am an asshole.
Being the horny teenager I am, I often have thoughts of sex. I have a male lab that's 6 I think. Fat dog. He's been neutered. I'm not gay, but sometimes when I get horny I want to fuck him so bad. And I'm more and more like to every time I'm alone. I tried to and I want him to fuck me. I want to suck my boxer (hasn't been neutered) dick. Hmm I want to do it so badly
My dog is dying and I think I am going to end his suffering. He is an old but very good boy and his body is full with cancer. I just can not see him like this. He does not eat much. He does not drink much. I informed myself about the most humane way to put him to sleep. I bought special kind of sleeping pills. And I am going to put that into his water or his food (I am not sure about this one yet) tonight.
I am devastated but I think it is for the best.
When my dad's dog died I was actually happy at first. He was old and no longer able to control his bowels while also being more demanding than usual. He was always a bit of a nuisance due to my parents not training him at all and in age became worse through no real fault of his own. He was clearly suffering since his legs had failed entirely. He got put down after vomiting blood.
After a few days I began to remember his puppyhood and felt emotional. He was a trouble maker but never malicious. He wasn't a bad dog, maybe he could had been trained better but he was not bad.
He seemed so scared when he was in his final days of existence. I want to know his pain has ended and he is in Heaven not some eerie plane of non-existence.
I gave him a bath and cooked chicken with a tasty sauce for the dog in his sunset hours. I didn't actually know he was going to be put down that day.
I wish I had cared for him more in his life. Now I feel a void. He was a nice dog. He didn't deserve to die and it hurt to watch him suffering. I feel like a shit person.
I can’t tell him I want to end it we share a dog n I have no place to go I’ve fucked his coworker and supervisor and I almost fucked his best friend from elementary school I don’t want to hurt him but I’m never pleased
There is this man I meet regularly in the park when I am walking my dogs and we started talking a few months ago. He also has two small dogs (I do not know the breed) and we let our dogs play together. It is really nice, we talk a lot about everything, he has the same humour as me and he is very attractive. I am always looking forward to going to the park in hopes that I meet him. And then it happened, I couldn't believe it. He kissed me one day. Out of the blue.. while we were laughing about something (I can't remember now what it was) and the moment was just perfect...
The thing is... I am single, but he is married!!!!
He never mentioned her to me, never muttered a word about her! And he is never wearing a ring (I've checked). She came by the park when our dogs had a "play date" to bring him is phone (because he forgot it at home). That's how I found out. That was after the kiss, I think like a week later...
We never talked about the kiss since then and I don't know what to do.. I actually thought I was going to fall in love with hime before I knew he was married. Now I am heartbroken and I don't know if I should tell her?
#crush #dogs #kiss #married #wife #heartbroken #confession
I stuffed three hot dog buns up an eight graders vagina and I enjoyed every single second of it.
My Grandmother is slowly starving her dog to death. She thought he was cute at first but after he grew larger than a cup, she kept him outside. He flinches when she shouts at him and he looks so depressed and sad. Everytime I bring him toys, my Grandmother will throw them away, saying they are too loud and one, a little stuffed teddy bear, she washed and kept for herself. She said he couldn't appreciate such a beautiful toy.
With no human interaction, naturally he has become more aggressive. Her excuse for feeding him once a day was that he was getting fat. Now she is saying she can't cope and will pay a vet, to have him put to sleep. Right now we have heavy snow and he's outside. Outside in a shed and I can't tell you how long it has been since she bathed him. Today I've spent 7 hours phoning various dog homes but nobody wants a senior dog with no house training. I trained him to know the basic commands and he is good with children. He doesn't deserve to die because he isn't wanted. I would take him but I'm concerned about the aggression and I'm never at home. I've never cried so much in my life.
If I fart I blame it on the dog. I’m not kidding. I really do. They get mad at the dog. I feel bad but keep doing it. Is that wrong?
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