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I have autism. I am alone every day. God does not love me. I try to glow for others. But I’m so sick.
I want to kill myself. I always have. I don't know why I feel this way maybe because my life is such shit or has gone to shit. I'm going to be a nurse but I haven't finished college yet and it feels like ill never get there. I have a beautiful daughter if it weren't for her and my belief in God I would've killed myself a long time ago. I've tried before but never got close enough. My fiance doesn't know how I feel he hardly talks to me on a daily basis. And I'm only 22(female) I have alot to look forward to. I feel so alone. I was molested by my sister at age of 5 and than when I was 16 my boyfriend of three years abused me physically and verbally. I just don't want to live anymore there is no love in this world.
I wish I could have someone special...I don't girl or boy ... I hate being single.its been awhile since I date someone :'(
I love watching anime without my gf. She asks too many questions. Plus I faintly feel like she fakes her interest in things that interest me.
I hate God. He let me endure horrors. Yet I was good. I served others. I saved lives. But no matter what I did He just took it all away. So I’m done with Him. I’m kinder than He is. He does not deserve me as His son. He is not worthy of me. I don’t want Him anymore.
I accept that I am alone. Go love yourself God. You never loved me.
I don't know why, but im not sad or depressed about never haveing sex or even been in a relationship.
Im a 22m that I guess doesn't look to bad I don't really know but people think im 15 or 17. Either way, I think about sex and masterbate all the time to say the very least, I think about just plowing girls from behind and grabbing their hair well they scream my name and etc. etc. My life isn't filled with sadness or bad things like other people have had, im just super aquard nerdy guy trying to experience sex or just be in a loving relationship and I know it sounds counter intuitive to what I said before I just feel kinda in a weird spot right now where I haven't met anyone yet or even someone likeing me in any real way, I just feel kinda left out either because I'm a goofball at talking to people or me just being really aquard.
I shake uncontrollably day & night now. I’m so sick. Its hard to be alone. I beat this disease for so long, but now its beating me. If I’d just been well enough to work & earn decent money.
I feel lost. A year ago I was in the hospital from dka and I was in a coma for almost two weeks. My previous ex saved me from dying but also left me because of me being sick. I've always been depressed and I've always been okay with the idea of dying deep down inside. I try to push it off and try to bury myself in other people's problems so I can help them and I even help others out of depression but I can't help myself. I'm with someone very special to me but I still feel like I'm just not suppose to exist. I can't fight the feeling that I'm holding everyone back and I'm just getting in the way and that my condition is just making people feel sorry for me. I have a problem with accepting that people love me because I just can't love myself. I can't shake the feeling of needing to be gone. I can't shake feeling like no one should have saved me when I almost died. Like they should have been late and that I should have died. I just want everyone to be happy because I just can't be. I'm tearing people apart and pushing people away because I feel like I'm hurting people and I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. Why do I feel so alone when I have someone who cherishes me more then anything in the world. I don't understand why I'm like this. I can't understand why I wanna die so much but I do and I have no one I can say this to because if I do they will just call me crazy but am I so crazy to want everyone to be happy and not feel like I do? I want people to feel free to do what they want without worrying about sick me at home. I don't want to be a burden anymore even when they tell I'm not o still feel it. I know it inside that I'm just holding everyone back. That I'm hurting people like I hurt inside...I just don't wanna feel alone anymore. I don't trust myself or my thoughts alone anymore. I'm just broken....
I love to masturbate at night, under my bed cover. I can't do it alone, but I becomes horny at night so I finger myself while reading erotica. By brother sleeps besides me. So I have to do it then as I becomes very horny but can never cum.
#masturbate #alone #night #sleep
I like to be alone. Or don't I? Do I actually despise it? Do I crave more human interaction and just deny myself of that fact? I think of myself as quite the lone wolf. And I thought I'm fine with that.. Realisation hits now.. It's hitting me hard. Slapping the fact in my face that I've never been able to keep the people in my life that I wanted to keep in it. I hide the fact that I'm quite toxic, or can be quite toxic, behind telling myself and others that I'm an ideal lone wolf.. And that I'm okay with it. But am I? I don't know that for a fact. I guess I'm not. I like to think of myself as an introverted empath. Maybe I'm an extroverted, choleric aashole in reality..
I don't think I am good enough for anyone. I put my guard up in intimate relationships and find it easier to talk to friends. The only way to feel value is when I can help them through a tough time. It makes me feel useful and that I can have a purpose in life.
I just wanna be in a happy loving relationship when I'm alone I feel empty and pointless when ever I meet someone I Bury myself in them and my whole life basically revolves around them, then after a month I get bored self destructive and the relationship ends (on my end) I'm worried that the relationships that ended when I was still, I guess in love with the other person where my only chances at true love and I fucked them up, I can't be alone I can't stand it I feel trapped just I need someone to love me cuddle me and force themselves on me when I feel bored and never leave me when I love them I just wanna be happy
I went out and sat on the park bench to think. It was early in the morning and this jogger ran by and I watched him. I got up and decided to get a cup of coffee so I went to this small breakfast place and ordered breakfast. I went home and felt bad for eating so much, got into the shower and spent some time washing my penis. It felt good. I thought about the jogger. I dried off and decided to masturbate. I got the lube out, my butt plug, inserted it in. Got the camera out, set it up, got the mirror set up and jerked off. It felt good. I looked out the window and saw these kids at the bus stop. I wondered if any of them were masturbating yet. I'd be glad to teach them.
I got dressed, as much as needed, set up for work. The day went by slowly, issues came up and I handled them. At noon I had some soup, no sense in eating too much. After work I decided to go out and see if I could be picked up. I went to the usual place where men come looking for men like me. I got in the car with a man and he said he wanted it hard, ok with me. We went to this motel where he had a room rented. He was rough, men like him are always rough. He dropped me off back where he picked me up, I walked home and masturbated again and now I need to get some sleep.
A few months ago I got my first vibrator and with it I have learned to make my clit swell and throb. I try to keep it going longer and longer before loosing it. I recommend everybody try it. Shaking and needing to scream when you must remain silent is a challange. When I'm the only one at home, I let it all out.
#recommend #vibrator #masturbate #s
I am afraid to tell anyone I am lesbian. For years I have denied it, because I always second guess myself, and because I have never dated anyone I have just lied about it. I am stuck and miserable, my family already tries to shove God at me whenever they can. I am afraid of the reactions my friends would have. I feel so alone in this right now, I pretend to be interested in guys just so my family wont find out, because I know it'll all go to shit once they do. I am being judged by the people in my life that say who I am is disgusting, and they don't even know they are directing it at me. It fucking sucks, and I feel like lying is the only choice I have now.
#lies #lesbian #confession #family #friends #alone #fear #judgement
My girlfriend's birthday was yesterday and I totally forgot it.
I didn't wish her a happy birthday, I didn't give her a present. I did nothing. At night, I went out with my homies for some beer and she was alone at home.
#birthday #girlfriend #present #alone #beer
I use two numbers. I'm on a whole new level of being a single 29 year old male(virgin).
Average looks. 6 feet tall. A little plummy.
Always being friendzoned.
I chat with these two numbers pretending to be a couple.
There. I've said it.
Although our time was brief, I know that I really liked you and I still wish that it could have worked out between us.
What hurts the most is not anything that you did but all that didn't happen.
I believed I would never find love in this life and that this was enough.
Meeting you has taught me that I want to love.
It was so easy to like you and easy to imagine and desire more.
However, in our time together it was inescapably evident to me that I am not the person you would love. Not now, not as I am now.
Would there have been a chance for us if this was another time in our lives?
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