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I’m a minor and I’m transgender (FtM). I’ve been “out” to my family for a year, and to friends for about three years. I’m struggling so much, my mom doesn’t support me and says shes “doing it cause she loves me.” I hate to even think about it but a lot of the time I find myself thinking of suicide, or “DIY top surgery” (pretty much stabbing myself). The thoughts haunt me at night, I can’t sleep because I can’t stop the intrusive thoughts. I’m typing this at 2:44 am. As cheesy as it sounds I always knew I wasn’t a girl, and the first time I tried to kill my self I was 12. Then again at 13. And again at 15 etc. I can’t take hormones or do anything to further my transition, the only thing I’ve been able to do is cut my hair. Clothes wise, the only masculine clothes I have are my dead dad’s, and my room still looks the same as when I was 9 years old and sitting in here makes me just want to end it because I’ll never be in the right body.
Thanks for listening I guess? Sorry for how depressing this is.
#transgender #trans #ftm #transftm #minor #suicide #depression #selfharm
Oh you guys do NOT understand how much I hate this fucking shit life. Gosh people annoy me so fucking much, plus I’ve got no friends. UGHHJJ I fucking hate it, you guys just don’t understand words can’t explain how much I hate life NO WORDS. The only good about life is food nothing else. UGHHHHH and I’m not going to kill myself because I still wanna eat, but that’s about all that’s hkeeping me going
When I was moving to secondary school I had plenty of friends and was always the centre of attention but as soon as I moved to secondary I started to fade away like nobody notice me so at the time I thought it would be a great idea to fake my depression/suicidal thoughts to get attention I would post on social media about how I wanted to die and that nobody cared about me anymore. And it worked I was getting a lot of attention and I loved it until my childhood best friend who meant a lot to me went and told my parents I know she was only doing it to protect me but the only reason I stated doing this so she would give me more attention, I felt like shit my parents asked me why I was posting this stuff and I couldn’t tell them the real reason because I was to embarrassed and I thought they would hate me for it so I just told them that I was being bullied. I said that I was being picked on by 4 boys which I kinda was but it was only inside jokes they would call me 4 eyes and pick on me put we always saw it as a joke so I just blamed it on that, and it worked my parents told the school about the boys and they were punished and I felt so bad I actually thought about killing myself but after all this my parents took me out of school to home school me this was the worst point of my life.
My best friend slowly drifted from me I was losing all my friends and I had no one left, my parents put me into therapy (it didn’t work because there was nothing to work on). A whole year goes by of me being home schooled I’m trapped indoors most of the time because my parents won’t let me go out and I couldn’t use social media anymore so I had no way of contacting my best friend, at this point my mental state started deteriorating I was going insane until I finally snapped and ran away. I wasn’t gone for long as I had no where to go but the first place I went to was to go see my best friend she lived quite close to me so it wasn’t really a problem so I went to go see her but she didn’t want to see me I was confused until I talked to another close friend of mine and released that the whole school knew I was faking my depression for attention my heart sank because I knew that everybody would hate me now and I would lose everyone. After all this I went home and my parents were talking to the police because they were scared that I was gonna try kill myself, when I got inside the house my parents told me that they are sending me to hospital to be put on suicidal watch i didn’t want to go but I had to while I was there I saw my phone in my mothers bag and I grabbed it to try msg my best friend and explain things but when I logged into Instagram I saw hate groups mate for me saying that I should actually kill myself I felt awful but what made me hate myself even more is the fact that my best friend had blocked me and sent me a message saying that she wanted nothing to do with me my heart sank. I had lost everything I had nothing left I just wanted the pain that I caused to end so I stood up and ran to the canteen, the canteen didn’t have anything sharp in it other than the knifes they were not to sharp to stop people from killing themselves but I made it work I grabbed one and ran to the toilets I quickly locked the door some of the nurses noticed what i was doing and tried kicking down the door, I tried slitting my throught with the knife but it wouldn’t go deep enough and by the time I managed to make the knife sharp enough they had already broken down the door I was taken away from there and put into a mental hospital where I have stayed for 4 years I don’t know what my ex friends are up to now but all I know is they don’t care about me anymore no one does and it’s all my fault I only wanted my best friend to show me more attention because deep down I loved her but I was to afraid to tell her.
Sorry about the really bad English and grammar I haven’t really learned much seeing as most of my time as been spent in this hell hole my hour on the phone is nearly up so I got to go but if I was to give you a life lesson do not fake mental illness for attention it completely fucked up my life and I don’t think i will ever be able to reedem myself goodbye
And Izzy if your reading this I’m sorry I always loved you but I was to afraid to say it maybe in another life I wouldn’t be so selfish and just puck up the corage to ask you out.
#depression #bestfriend #love #suicidal #suicide #attention #fake
My brother was about to shoot himself and I called the police on him to intervene. He doesn’t talk to me anymore, his guns was removed and he got issued a few fines. Lost his job. He hates me with everything he has and secretly I love it. I love that he hates me, that he feels this great emotion towards me because it means his still alive. All I want is for him to keep fighting and if his hatred for me keeps him alive then I hope he hates me forever. If I had a chance I wouldn’t change a thing. The pain of you hating me wouldn’t hold a candle to the pain of never being able to see you grow old. I love you my brother
#suicide #brother #confession #depression #scared #pain
Sometimes I consider attempting suicide just because on the off chance someone cares enough to save me, I might finally get the help I need. I'm cripplingly lost. No job, no family, no school, no future. I don't feel able to live the life that's necessary for me to be happy. I wish I were dead.
I'm really insecure and I feel fucking pathetic about it. I have a toothgap, ugly freckles, am overweight, have a skin condition causing redness and bumps on my arms, am a closeted lesbian and Christian. My anxiety also makes me feel patheitic because I can't even stop shaking when I'm at the supermarket. I've never told anyone, but I'm suicidal but every time I've tried to go through with it, I can't finish the job. It makes me feel weak that I can't even go through with doing a fucking favour for myself. Suicide support pages always say to hold on to see if tomorrow is a better day but I'm so sick of waiting for a fucking saving grace that's never going to come.
I often fantasize about opening a car door while going over 70 mph down a highway, and flying out and dying.
Every time I drive over a bridge. I just want to stop, walk over and jump and not be found.
End it now. Leave my worries behind.
I want to die, at the minimum, now, at the maximum, at the age of 64, because my family always fight and make me realize that this shit-hole of an earth is eternally doomed to extinction. What's even worse is that I have Klein Levins Syndrome that pretty much means I will never be happy.
Went into nursing for the money and because I didn't know what else to do with my life. Now six weeks into my first job, I'm already thinking about leaving. I've struggled with depression, insecurity, and suicidal thoughts for about 7 years, and this career has resurfaced all of those old emotions. Working alongside nurses with 20+ years of experience and new doctors that think they know everything under the sun has made me feel incompetent, ignorant, and foolish. Don't get me wrong, I want to excel and be the best person I can, but it's just been so tough, mentally and spiritually. I'm starting to feel broken down before I even get on my feet. :/
#depression #greed #suicide #nursing #medicine #anxiety #despair
I'm going to kill myself. I'm not sure when but I can feel my death stalking me every second of the day. I had a stroke at a pretty young age a few years ago. I didn't have any physical residual problems but emotionally I'm fried. I have a constant feeling of dread that lives deep in my gut, something that seems to be stuck inside my esophagus. Sometimes I feel ok, but thoughts of how I'm going to die are never far from my mind. I really want it to end.
I put this under waste because I've wasted my life. Here it goes.
I'm bad like really bad. But looking at me you would never know. People are catching on as my life falls apart. I've been living like a quadruple life I guess. I don't even know who I am anymore. I can't think of anything I like. I hate everything and everyone. I have no friends left, the women of my life cheated lied and stole the entire time I've known them. Most of my buddies too. Just users you know. I always offer too much and people gladly accept my generosity. I always try and help but it eventually becomes them being entirely dependent on me. Then they go and I've lost so much in them. I never see the fruits of my labours.
Now I'm totally alone. And financially ruined. Relying on booze and drugs to feel better about the shitty person I am. I pray to god thanking him only, not asking for more. He still rewards me a lot. Gives me great opportunity and strength to conquer challenges. But I can't conquer myself. I want to end my life. Nobody would notice except the few leeches who still cling to my generosity. Everybody I've helped is doing great. I never took time to take care of myself, or set myself up better. My friends, wife, in laws, girlfriends, and associates have all benefitted greatly from my efforts but I'm fucked mentally physically and financially. I even still protect people after they betray me. Keep their secrets, bend to their requests.
I'm going to blow my brains out.
I hate this world, it's ruined anyway. Goodby you fucked up people. There's a good chance that there is someone in your life going through this who helped you a lot. I bet you won't even reach out to repay what's owed. Sick fucking society world wide.
I don't even know anymore. I'm so fed up with everything and everyone. I know people say to go see your doctor and get help but what are you meant to do when you go to them for help and they do nothing.
Dear ex boyfriend, I hope you find peace in heaven and love I couldn't give you when you were alive. Sorry for making you feel like a shit...now I am here feeling like shit myself, I wish I could do something to bring you back to me, but unfortunately I can't. I am hurt because I loved you too...I still do it's just that I didn't know how to show it. Forgive me if you can....I will always love you even though you are not here with me, but your memories are.
I'm a 20 year old guy. I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years. We're unbelievably close and have basically planned out lives together. But I can't help but feel that she's not the one. I've had a few drunken kisses with a few girls and a one night stand with a close friend. None of which she knows about, and all of them I feel terrible about. I know if I tell her she'll dump me. But I also know (almost for sure) that if we break up she will kill herself. I obviously don't want that to happen but I can't help but think about other girls.
I told my ex boyfriend that I would commit suicide if he don't come back to me.
That was a lie of course. I love life too much as to through it away so easily.
I tried committing suicide tonight by overdosing and now i feel all weird like im here but im not here and idk if im dead or not
I am sick of my high-stress job and am afraid to quit.
I fear not to find another well paying job.
This drives me to consider suicide!
I hope the current Corona Virus will push the world into absolute chaos. Then I can be myself!
I am very depressed. I have lost all of my friends since I started high school just 7 months ago any my mom dad and sister are abusive. I am the oldest and I get walked all over and my parents are extremely mentally abusive. I would never report anything as i am scared of what would happen. My best friend is going to leave me as soon as she moves home from over seas and I'm worried. I don't have any friends and i could really use a boyfriend to help but i feel like i would just be better served dead.
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