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I’m a minor and I’m transgender (FtM). I’ve been “out” to my family for a year, and to friends for about three years. I’m struggling so much, my mom doesn’t support me and says shes “doing it cause she loves me.” I hate to even think about it but a lot of the time I find myself thinking of suicide, or “DIY top surgery” (pretty much stabbing myself). The thoughts haunt me at night, I can’t sleep because I can’t stop the intrusive thoughts. I’m typing this at 2:44 am. As cheesy as it sounds I always knew I wasn’t a girl, and the first time I tried to kill my self I was 12. Then again at 13. And again at 15 etc. I can’t take hormones or do anything to further my transition, the only thing I’ve been able to do is cut my hair. Clothes wise, the only masculine clothes I have are my dead dad’s, and my room still looks the same as when I was 9 years old and sitting in here makes me just want to end it because I’ll never be in the right body.
Thanks for listening I guess? Sorry for how depressing this is.
#transgender #trans #ftm #transftm #minor #suicide #depression #selfharm
So im like the "hated" friend in the friend group. like i know they dont actually hate me but everyone is CONSTANTLY mean to you yk. it sucks. like so much. ill just say one word and immediately everyone is like "ew why are they here kick them out no one likes them" 😃 considering how long this has been going on and the fact that EVERYONE is doing it just hurts a lot and makes you wonder if they actually hate you cause of the words they send. idk im pretty emotional to might be wrong but 🧍 its gotten to be one of the reasons i hurt myself, but i dont like putting th blame on people so i just dont talk abt it cause i can deal with it
I am terrified of myself sometimes. when i have my period sometimes i cover myself in my own blood to fight the urge to self harm.
I want to die, at the minimum, now, at the maximum, at the age of 64, because my family always fight and make me realize that this shit-hole of an earth is eternally doomed to extinction. What's even worse is that I have Klein Levins Syndrome that pretty much means I will never be happy.
I used to cut myself to escape everything and feel nothing. I stopped cutting now. But I can't stop harming. I like it and it helps. I don't know. Maybe I am as crazy as they say.
I over think things. One wrong comment and my day is ruined. I suffer from depression and I have no idea why. Nobody bullys me or hurts me. But I hurt myself. I need help. I'm never anyone's first choice and nobody cares anyway. I also have social anxiety. I try to talk to people but end up having panic attacks. I'm always thinking of hurting myself in one way or another. Even suicide. Nobody notices how broken and alone I am. I'm surrounded by people but alone at the same time.
It's been a month since I last self harmed.
I stopped doing it because I got into a relationship, and I'm afraid of my girlfriend's reaction if she found out.
The thing is, I don't know for how long I can keep going. Every day is a struggle and it never leaves my mind. Even when I'm doing something or distracted the "want" is always lurking around.
It feels stronger than me. I want to just give in, but at the same time I can't. This is killing me.
im 17, my mom is a drug attict but i love her to death, she does heroin, and crack, this year 2016, i started to do herion somtimes and smoke crack sometimes, i just started because i have triedd other drugs just for the experience but i wonderd why my mom does heroin and cack all the time.. now i know the reason, but anywayone day i got a bag of heroin from my mom, she is aware i do it somtimes. anyway, i do this bag of heroin and i felt amazing, all i rember is closing my eyes, apperently i was dead, my body was purple from no oxygen and i wasnt breathing so my mom and my bestfriend who was there but she didnt know i was on drugs, they called the ambuence and they had to stick somthing up my nose so i can start breathing again, i woke up in the hospital and once i was told that i was dead i flipped out, i actually want to die, anyway after that i stopped for a while but now i do it again, yesterday night i did 2 bags of dope, the first one i did about 8pm, i didnt really feel what i wanted by 9pm so i did another one, about 20 min later i was smoking a blunt of weed with my sister and i wasnt feeling good at all, my head felt ike it was going to explode, so i put the blunt out and went into my house, i said goodnight to everyone and to her, i went in my room and i already knew i was overdosing, i tried so hard to keep myself awake because i didnt want to die so randomly, like i wasnt ready, i kept myself up untill 3 am and then finally said fuck it and went to bed, i woke up fine buti just been thinking since then.. why didnt i just lt it happen, maybe i want to live?.. idk but i really want to do it again and end it,,
I don't know how to put this exactly, but I'm addicted to cutting my body and then showing it to people who care for me secretly. Like I would make the cuts and then when they heal over a bit I would go do a dramatic thing but I've stopped since then. I really want to do it again but I promised everyone that I would stop cutting. I used to cut so bad that I would bleed for not of the night and one day they got infected but I fixed that up without anyone knowing. I just I have this urge all the damn time to cut and I don't know what to do anymore considering the fact that I know it's wrong but it feels so right. I've been trying to find a place where no one could know about the cuts but every time I try to think about it I cringe cuz I know the pain I had to go through and the fact that I was also emotionally unstable and still am to this day. I just I fucked everything up and I don't know how to fix it anymore. The person I love is gone out of my life and I just want to die
#love #drama #confession
I am currently getting over my addiction to self harm. All up and down my legs are scars from me cutting myself. The relief it gave me and the endorphins it released were so nice, but I've promised my girlfriend I'd stop. Penguin, I love you!!
I am always sad and want nothing to do with my school friends or friends that I have made through cheer. I used to be the person who was always doing something and never wanted to be home. I was constantly surrounded by people and friends. Ever since I started high school, that has all changed. I lost all of my close friends and no I find myself playing with my pets and doing nothing but going to practice. Its sad because I want to be back to my super social life and have all my friends back but everyone seems to hate me. I have thought about killing myself due to the amount of mean comments and things being said about my by people I thought were my friends. I am most certainly depressed but I don't want to talk to my parents about it because they are very abusive.
Still even as a recovering anorexic, I still hate my body and hate the way my thighs are shaped.
I want to kill myself. I always have. I don't know why I feel this way maybe because my life is such shit or has gone to shit. I'm going to be a nurse but I haven't finished college yet and it feels like ill never get there. I have a beautiful daughter if it weren't for her and my belief in God I would've killed myself a long time ago. I've tried before but never got close enough. My fiance doesn't know how I feel he hardly talks to me on a daily basis. And I'm only 22(female) I have alot to look forward to. I feel so alone. I was molested by my sister at age of 5 and than when I was 16 my boyfriend of three years abused me physically and verbally. I just don't want to live anymore there is no love in this world.
I have broke other people's trust, I fully admit to this and we will happily live with banished sin and banished against our pillars, boundaries, morals, values, honors by God.
Thank you so much
#god #love #fulfilment #righteousliving #justice #fairness #equality #promise #forgiveness #living #jannah #happyeverafter #wow #beauty #embrace #growth #life #woman #man #humanity #unity #peace #harmony #alligmenet #mutuality
I am a prostitute and I run an entire 'escorting' business. I didn't need the money; I'd been a self-harmer and suicidal for years so I did it out of self hatred, and now I have a business so I can't really get out of it. The most disgusting parts about this are:
1) I have a girlfriend and she doesn't know anything about my business or the people I've slept with
2) I aren't actually 18 yet, unknown by my clients...
I'm 16 and used to self harm on my wrist until my friend saw the cuts on my wrist and told a teacher who then told my mum I blamed it on my dog and they all believed it so I switched places to my stomach, top of my legs and top of my arms. I tried to overdose on about two boxes of painkillers and some other tablets I fell asleep and when I woke up I was in loads of pain being sick. I don't know what to do but I don't want to talk to my family. I blame myself for my aunties death
Its been about 3 years since I admitted to my self that I was depressed. I have always been the one to do stupid things but after those things happen, feelings start to seep in the voices start to get to my head, you are a stupid girl, a brat not worth anything, why don't you just leave it would save them all this trouble. You wouldn't be I missed, you are worh nothing, all you cause is heart ache...ect. These tpes of things always ran threw my mind, and soon and still I believe it. All it seems I can do well is suck money from my parents and pain for my friends and family and the people around me. It seems like no matter what I do , it wont stop. I cut sometimes when I get it deep and I also beat myself over it. I feel like no mstter what even my mom hstes me and my dad to. Sometimes I think of running away, or just kill myself, or just ask my parents to put me up for
adoption. But I am to selfish to do that. I just want to be set free and live with god and the ones that I cant hurt anymore. That would make them happy....
That was me then but now its starting to change I now understand if I do those things I would hurt them even more, I am now starting to open up even more about my feeings but I still keep some of them hidden but it is getting better I found the light at the end of the tunnel and now I am following it and chasing it it will get etter, but I still got a ways to go. No matter what just look for that light no matter how dim it is and go grab it,. It will be worth it!
I can’t stop. Everything fucking hurts. I can’t sleep. I never stop hurting myself. Sometimes I don’t remember doing it and I wake up with cuts or burns.
I keep putting matches out on my hands, I cut, I put my hands into boiling water, I binge and then make myself throw up until I’m coughing up blood, and now I’m constantly thinking about stabbing my self, or cutting off my chest. (I’m FtM transgender). I can’t stop thinking about doing it. My chest is wrapped in bandages and duct tape. My ribs hurt so much but I can’t stop. I can’t stop.
#help #suicidal #selfharm #suicide #ftm #trans #ftmtrans #transgender #harm
i find anyway to hurt my body in my power it’s not mine anyways that’s why it must suffer the way it makes me feel every day.
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