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I am a 17 year old male, and I really want to kill someone. I just want to do it because I think it would feel exhilarating. I want to feel the persons warm blood flow down my fingers going to my hands. Seeing and feeling the life empty from their body. I have no remorse, and have never killed anything before. I want to start with a human because it would be the best thing to ever feel. I should also state that I watch quite a bit of pornography and it is really hard to get hard, but I found out that blood and death works. That is one reason why I want to kill someone, but then again I also want to see the life leave them and be in fear watching me plunge a knife into their body. So it's a mixture of pleasure and sadistic thoughts to get off and watch murder first hand. I can't be the only one who has this, but why so young to have this? It makes me wonder, but then my thoughts are overtaken by the thought of death.
I really am fascinated by blood, is that weird? Sometimes I bite the base of my tongue and press until I taste blood. I’m not saying I love the taste of blood, because I don’t. This is just a repetitive habit, and other times I have liked the feeling when I pierce my thumb with the edge of a steak knife and the blood just drips and drips. Am I too dark? Is this too bad?
Then last week I made a mild slit on my nigh wrist since the knife was incredibly blunt, and I actually really like the way those scars look. And it didn’t hurt at all. I don’t know what I am.
I (m/22) confess that I persuade my girlfriend to do anal even though I know she will shit blood (literally) and be in pain for the rest of the week afterwards. But she's actually the dumb one if you ask me, why does she not go to the doctors about it??? And she could say no, so.......
I confess that my pleasure is more important to me than her wellbeing.
I am an avid self harmer. All in the name of sex (and a pinch of self hatred). I am addicted to blood I cut myself really nasty last night and the tub water looked like a cheap red wine. All I did for hours after was masturbate. The water even tasted like my blood
I am terrified of myself sometimes. when i have my period sometimes i cover myself in my own blood to fight the urge to self harm.
I have a blood addiction. Im absolutely addicted. I have a body intolerance to fibers in plants so i can only eat meats. That is what started my addiction. At the age of 9 i got my first long nose bleed. I drank all of the blood, it was savory, delicious. At age 14 i got my period, it was horrible. I drank the blood there too. It was savory, delicious, and disgustingly taboo. And i love it. I am 23 now, for nine years i have been ingesting all of the blood that has ever exited my body, but ive discovered something. It keeps me young. I dont have acne anymore. My skin heals thrice as fast. Im happier. The more blood i ingest, the healthier i get.
There are times when I just want to beat someone senseless. No holding back my punches. No pushing no bitch ass slapping. Just straight up punches hooks. Feel their bones breaking under my fists while their blood makes a mess everywhere.
Usually I don't go in a fight cuz 60% people don't get in my way. So rest I try to diffuse without fighting. But God know how I control my urges for these. I even bought a heavy bag. But that only made me a better boxer and now the urges are getting worse...
I am scared of a time when some shit happens to my close people and I won't be able to control myself and give in to my impulses. That would be very sad. But I am also looking forward to it.
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