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I am a first and second phase psychopath, both my girlfriend and parents know. But I think they secretly fear me, and the best part it feels good to know people fear me. sometimes, I am one just to get a fear reaction out of them. I am not really asking for forgiveness, I am just bored. However, my church, do not know, but sometime would bring up the topic of psychopathy during discussion to see how much they are fearful of my kind. It make me smile every time XD.
There are times when I just want to beat someone senseless. No holding back my punches. No pushing no bitch ass slapping. Just straight up punches hooks. Feel their bones breaking under my fists while their blood makes a mess everywhere.
Usually I don't go in a fight cuz 60% people don't get in my way. So rest I try to diffuse without fighting. But God know how I control my urges for these. I even bought a heavy bag. But that only made me a better boxer and now the urges are getting worse...
I am scared of a time when some shit happens to my close people and I won't be able to control myself and give in to my impulses. That would be very sad. But I am also looking forward to it.
Since I was 8 years old, I have some kind of strange addiction / hobby.
There's a box in my closet with finger and toe nails. Every time I cut my nails, I put them in the box. I am 30 now and it's already my second box.
I ask for absolution! My descendants will certainly think I was some kind of psychopath when they find my boxes some day.
I'm a 17 year old male and I have about 2 friends. I don't really even talk to them much anymore. I'm quite shy, and can't really talk to girls either. I just don't want to interaction with people.
It's not that I don't want friends, it's I see the world a different way. Instead of seeing all the joys, I see real truth. The bad, evil, and whatnot. I see the class in people, their true nature. I am very distrusting of people. My oldest friend of 10 years I still can't fully trust. I am also not up with the ages of ge to generation. They listen to the new today's music, talk with in ways that aren't even English, do drugs, sex, and that sort of thing. I can't do that. I like to make complete sentences using intelegent wording, I listen to music from 2008 prior. I don't know. I just can't stand it.
From all that I witness of my generation, I have started to hate people. I hate the non intelegent people who listen to today's music, can't make a proper sentence, don't even use words in the English dictionary and make up ones. It's not that I think of myself as superior to them, I just think that my generation starts the downfall of American society.
I think from this, it has taken a toll on me. I am severely depressed, I am highly paranoid, some Early signs of schizophrenia, multiple personalities, the list goes on. My generation and being around them upsets me. What happened to our society? Where is it going? How long will it take? I can't do this anymore. I'm not going to commit suicide, in my eyes suicide is for the weak and if you fail suicide your a failure of a human and any living organism, my anger is building up. Nobody knows about it. I hide my emotions and it builds up. One of these days I'm going to burst. Nobody knows how dangerous I can be. It's not going to be good.
This kills me, it really does. Someone has to do it though, and it's going to be me.
I think I'm psychotic. I wanna hurt people, kill them, slice open their aching awaiting throats, I wanna commit crimes. I wanna full on murder people! I wanna be the predator for once not them. I'm always chased around and hurt by people. I wanna put graffiti on a cement wall on an abandoned building. I wanna be the person cops chase after. I may just as well be insane.
My mother has been psychologically, physically, and verbally abusive since I learned how to walk pretty much. She got into deep shit for it when teachers found out one day, and now she just abuses me verbally and psychologically because it won't leave bruises or cuts.
One day my father left her because he couldn't stand it anymore. Now It's just her and I.
I feel so torn down by her that I repeatedly lose hope looking for a job and apartment, and each time reality strikes, making me see that I'm stuck with her. I just want to die sometimes.
#abuse #hopeless #physical #psychological #verbal #divorce #suicidal
Over two decades ago some doctors gave me some psychological testing. Results came back that I was on the psychopath spectrum. I laughed and said there’s a spectrum for that? I said do it again with different specialists and more efficient testing. Same results.
I’ve been around sociopaths and the like and they often sensed things I didn’t. Many years later their words were correct. Made me think a long time. While I’m not about not feeling and killing let alone lying, my mind can get into others and twist things up a bit without problems.
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