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So I got curious into this dating chat site and talked to a lot of men. I've ended up chatting into someone, who was very nice, intelligent and a little naughty. We exchanged skype name and started chatting everyday. I remained private about my identity to him. the thing is, I am unhappily married and has kids. but talking to this stranger helped me escape from my doomed reality.
I hide away in my room because I’m too scared they will see the sadness I feel. I don’t eat. I don’t even motivate myself anymore. I hate everyone and everything. That’s that.
I met a guy online and at this time i was new to the app discord. I was a dumb fuck and joined a server with no one i knew. The guy knew my age and still talked to me. He was 21 and i was still a minor. I had no one to reassure me or reach out to. My friend eventually asked about why i was always talking to him and I ended up telling her. She told me to block him but I have no way of saying no. I was roped into another situation with another adult male. He was about 23 or so and he made me super uncomfy but yet again I had no way to say no. I know I should have said no but I have a fear of upsetting people and displeasing people. It's a horrible trait to have but its a struggle. I was diagnosed with anxiety and had to use certain medicines for a while till they fucked me up. Even though I was being treated physically, I was still mentally ill. I had suicidal thoughts and had to go to therapy but that's not my main focus. Either way I still have no Idea how to say no to people. I will always and forever hate older men that I don't know. It's my fault though. Is it? People say it was their faults for taking advantage of me but are they when I can't even say no. It's too complicated. I've gotten somewhat better but I'm getting through now. I've had some time to recover. I cope with writing and music but idc. Fuck U endo and yukki.
I’m basically an emotional crutch for my friend, pretty much the only one she has, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to kill myself soon. I just don’t know what to do, I don’t want to leave her alone and stranded with nobody to talk to anymore, but I don’t think my mind is going to let me stay here much longer. And the worst part is I’m doing everything right. I’ve been taking my meds, reaching out to people when I need them, ive been taking notice when I’m having irrational thoughts and putting a stop to them, I’ve been excersicing, boy howdy have I. Been excersicing, but I still hear screaming that isn’t there, I still feel like my room is closing in on me, I still feel like my mind is deteriorating...what am I doing wrong?
Well since like 2 days ago I started fingering myself and rocking myself like if I had a pennis beneath me and I get so horny so 2 days ago I started going to the couch at night to finger myself but the couch is so fluffy that I started to jump and rub my vagina to the couch and imagined I was on top of someone and I even did that on the arm rest... Long story short I get horny when I sit on the couch
#horny #fingeredmyself #couch #despair #masturbation #girl #teen #hornyteen
I have a bad tendency to get violent when I'm angry and I'm scared of my self I forget who I am and what I'm doing and I blank out and don't remember anything unless I'm told what I have done and tbh it scares me not knowing what I do when I lose it I feel like I should be in a mental asylum I hate myself for getting violent
I'm a 17 year old male and I have about 2 friends. I don't really even talk to them much anymore. I'm quite shy, and can't really talk to girls either. I just don't want to interaction with people.
It's not that I don't want friends, it's I see the world a different way. Instead of seeing all the joys, I see real truth. The bad, evil, and whatnot. I see the class in people, their true nature. I am very distrusting of people. My oldest friend of 10 years I still can't fully trust. I am also not up with the ages of ge to generation. They listen to the new today's music, talk with in ways that aren't even English, do drugs, sex, and that sort of thing. I can't do that. I like to make complete sentences using intelegent wording, I listen to music from 2008 prior. I don't know. I just can't stand it.
From all that I witness of my generation, I have started to hate people. I hate the non intelegent people who listen to today's music, can't make a proper sentence, don't even use words in the English dictionary and make up ones. It's not that I think of myself as superior to them, I just think that my generation starts the downfall of American society.
I think from this, it has taken a toll on me. I am severely depressed, I am highly paranoid, some Early signs of schizophrenia, multiple personalities, the list goes on. My generation and being around them upsets me. What happened to our society? Where is it going? How long will it take? I can't do this anymore. I'm not going to commit suicide, in my eyes suicide is for the weak and if you fail suicide your a failure of a human and any living organism, my anger is building up. Nobody knows about it. I hide my emotions and it builds up. One of these days I'm going to burst. Nobody knows how dangerous I can be. It's not going to be good.
This kills me, it really does. Someone has to do it though, and it's going to be me.
So when I was 12 I was curious so I went on porn hub. And I started watching it and I got horny so I started rubbing my clit just that then I decided to finger myself so I put in one finger and it felt so good. Then I tried 2 but it hurt to much so I tried it more and more until I got it.
I'll admit it: I'm human and I get so envious of others and how much is going on in their lives and I hate myself for it. I hate that I even have these feelings in the first place because my life is my own and I have made the choices I have made that have led me to today. No one else made them for me and for the most part, my life really isn't that bad. I don't need to have the biggest and the best house, job, car, etc... I've got somewhere to live, a nice enough car, a cat, plenty of wine and a decent job. What more should I want for besides someone to share my life with and maybe some actual friends? I'm working on it!
In the end it just feels like it's not enough when my sister comes over and I get so angry at myself because normally I like my life and who I am and it's not her fault that she makes me feel jealous and stupid. I should be the bigger person and just let this go but she seems to be a like a storm: something that just comes along with all it's thunder and lightning and their's nothing you can do to halt it's approach. It's a cycle and by the time she leaves or I leave every time we get together, I almost feel like I'm in physical pain from the press of holding my emotions in check. I always end up balling like a pathetic idiot just to release some of the tension. Often I have trouble breathing. It's almost like a panic attack is induced or something and I just don't get it.
To give you some background, my sister is two years younger than me and 20 kilos lighter. I'd probably say I am the prettier of the two of us even if I am overweight although she has a nicer smile and definitely knows how to dress. We grew up in a small town and I was the only farm girl in my year group with the other 9 girls being town girls. It was just two different worlds. I grew up liking the outdoors and using my imagination but the townies liked sitting around and gossiping about boys and clothes, etc. My sister on the other hand, had four other girls her age who grew up on farms and they all became fast friends. I went through school going from friend to friend and as a result, my social skills are somewhat lacking. Don't worry, that's not the case so much these days but I just don't get people like she does and despite trying to be a laid back person, I just seem to be so sensitive. I can't handle it when people let me down or don't live up to my expectations. It also doesn't help that we have so many of the same interests. We worked for similar companies, we both like reading, writing, art, cooking and sewing. I feel like I can never be an individual and I am too embarrassed to show any of my artwork to my family who scorned the fact that I like(d) manga & anime when I was younger and still do. I am the black sheep of the family and if my own parents and siblings judge me for my tastes so much then other people outside the family certainly will. However she likes country music which is still in the 'safe' category. She gets teased for being into it but she doesn't get scorned whereas a lot of people in Western society see an anime episode and just see it as a cartoon when many animes can be very violent and for adults only. I don't like them for being cartoons alright. I like then because I like entertainment. I'll watch/read almost anything but I particularly like anime because it is not as constrained as Western stories/cartoons. It mixes my two favourite mediums together after all: stories and art. But no, apparently I am childish and immature when I'd probably say I am MORE mature simply because I have broadened my horizons and I am interested in all sorts of areas.
Moving along: she met her future husband when she was 19 and that was it. She's married a lovely man in a beautiful ceremony and now she's six weeks out from having her first child. Her life isn't perfect by any means but she couldn't have asked for a more wonderful start. She lives in a brand new, enormous house on a massive farm. She's rich and she has horses, dogs, a cat, a big garden and an amazing car and she's only 25. There's no doubt about it: she knows what she wants in life and she gets it. Not only that, she's really pretty and can flirt like there's no tomorrow. She is a great conversationalist and always the centre of attention. She's confident and self assured. Guys are always hitting on her. She even told me that a workman from a neighbouring farm hit on her last week and she's married and 7 1/2 months pregnant!!! What the heck?!
It's no wonder I feel fat, frumpy and tongue tied when she's around. Our conversation largely consists of her and her life and her calling me a dag because apparently I have an odd sense of humour. So what if I'm quirky? So what if I haven't had a boyfriend (and god knows if I ever will since my flirting skills suck so much - I'm shy alright! That doesn't mean I won't say yes if you ask me! Why should I have to ask? Not all girls have to be confident because surely not all guys find that sexy?) We talk about her all the time and how great her sex life is and how much of a pain it is to be pregnant. You know some of us are terrified that we're going to end up alone and never have any children of our own! And if I dare complain about it's the same old, "well you just need to be more confident and flirt. Nothing will come to you if you don't put yourself out there." Yeah well I don't want to simper and fawn! I want to meet someone who will talk with me and make me feel comfortable. I am shy and I don't want to be rushed into something and expected to have sex on the first date. I don't like touching someone as a form of flirting because frankly I'd be a little alarmed if some guy did that to me the first time we met and started talking. She never asks me what's going on in my life and she's constantly making me feel like an idiot because she always has such a tremendously strong opinion that you doubt yourself and start believing that maybe she is right.
I don't like her freakin friend okay! (Something we argue about more than anything else) And I am effin' entitled to my opinion! She's a horrible person who has upset all the other friends in their social circle and my sister still can't see it. This person didn't come to the hen's night and on the wedding night, after I had given my speech, she decided to upstage me by doing her own speech. She tried to make it look like she wasn't getting up on her soap box by making the other two bridemaids get up there with her - one of which was quite drunk and going through some horrible family issues and all three of them made terrible speeches. And then, my sister blames the drunk one and says how dare she do that on my sister's wedding night instead of caring about how much her friend is hurting. I mean, who does that? Yes, your wedding is a very special day and your friends should leave their problems at home but life happens and I can't believe she can be so on the side of one friend (who everyone else hates) and so mad at another who has been a far longer friend and had a lot of things going on in her life and was dragged into making a speech that she never should have had to make.
In the end it is so humiliating to be jealous of her and I am trying so hard to be me and improve in my own way and I should be grateful to have advice from her (or so everyone and my conscious keeps telling me) but you know what? I don't freakin' want any of it!!! I don't want these feelings and I just want to be me. I want to be able to see her and not have a complete meltdown. Is that too much to ask for? I want to have a few of my own wins in life and I want to freakin do it myself! I don't need advice from someone who's basically got lucky. Yeah I admit I thought and probably still think I am smarter and more widely read than her. I admit that I did better in school than her and thought that I was always better than her and I freakin hate that I even thought that in the first place because I never thought I was that type of person. I hate myself and I hate that I do that as well and that I am so freakin hard on myself. I just wish my chaotic thoughts would take a backseat for a change and leave me the alone because you know what? Life is meant to be enjoyed and not endured and right now I just can't figure out how to enjoy it at all. I don't want to feel like I am struggling because I want to feel like I am being challenged and I want to enjoy the journey instead of constantly feeling exhausted by my feelings.
#jealous #sister #friends #sad #upset #panic #attack #meltdown #envious #envy #my #life #hate #myself
Hey I'm 12 (female)and I tried to kill myself by Drinking Bleach... Why u ask well I had to poop so I did. I didn't realize that there wasn't any toilet paper. I was solo mad and I asked my Brothers and sister to go see if there was anymore in the other bathroom. NOPE THERE WASN'T. so the told me to use a fricking SOCK (a white sock) I said no. So sat there for a while then BOOM my siblings busted the Door open and watched me yell and scream at them. So I looked on the counter and seen some bleach I opened the top . Then I thought to myself I could go to hell if I killed myself . so I closed the top. And wiped my ass. And eventually use the sock. AND THAT WAS I THINK WHEN I WAS LIKE 5 OR 6 and my family won't EVER LIVE IT DOWN YEARSSS LATER
I cut myself. At first it only happened when I had a bad time or when something bad happened, when I got a bad grade or when my parents fought again for example.
But with time, I cut myself more often, sometimes just because I was bored.
I just cut myself in places where the cuts can't be seen, legs and belly mostly.
There also was a time where I haven't cut myself, but after a while I started again.
No one knows about it but I really wanna talk about it to someone but I'm too scared.
#secret #hurt #confession
I'm cheating/lying to/on my GF. No one except really close friends even know we're dating, but I wish we were still just best friends like we were in the past. She confessed her attraction and love for me over skype one day. At the time she was at an extreme low point in her life, and she put me on the spot. I could only think about what she'd do if I didn't accept her confession, she would kill herself. I knew it. I felt it. So I told her that I was feeling the same way, with intentions to eventually break up with her. Now I'm here. I'm not even really all that sure I'm bi. Do I like lesbian porn, yes. But who doesn't?! I still think dicks are awesome and I'd much rather ride some guys dick than finger another girls pussy. It's just not for me. On top of all of that, I was flirting behind her back. I'm a freshman in high school and she's an eighth grader in middle school. I feel so guilty. I know it was wrong, I even have a male date to homecoming. But I'm not gonna go cause it's just too wrong feeling for me. I can't keep this up! I know I have to break up with her eventually but she's so unstable. I could really ruin her for good. She loves me and I don't love her. I still see her as JUST my best friend. I'm an awful human being for leading both her and the guy on. I should just kill myself for doing this. I deserve to die.
I have an eating disorder, but I haven't told anyone because no one will understand what I’m going through. I’m addicted to eating and I don’t need know how to stop it.
#food #addiction #health #secrets #hatemyself
Im in 3rd grade and im 14yrs old. I have a feelings on a girl who is one year older than me. Im always not brave enough to go and talk to her or say "Hi!" bc I always think that if I started talking to her she's going to think that im weird and maybe she'll start avoiding me or something... But I want to be friends with her......
I have a crush on Megan Whessels a.k.a The Fanfic Critic on youtube.
I wanna cum on her fat face cause she has a double chin and that was in 2014, I do hope she's gotten even fatter since.
Seriously I would love to smell her armpits after a long hot day.
#bad #sex #megan #wessels #ugly #fat #youtube #fanficiton #i #hate #myself #for #thinking #this
I have been battling with pornography ..i am a virgin but i get horny a lot of times.
#i #am #a #virgin #but #get #horny #lot #of #have #been #battling #with #pornography #and #its #getting #the #best #ofmyself
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