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I tell everyone that I am on diet and that I am doing great and stuff, but the truth is I eat fast food all the time. I don't live healthy. I don't do much sports. This's just a bunch of stupid lies.
For years now I puke my guts out and no one knows about it.
Everyone thinks I am fine and healthy while I hate myself, I just can't be disciplined. Everyone thinks I am happy but I am not.
I used to be EXTREMELY lazy, it got to the point where I would just sit at home and play World of Warcraft all day. I finally told myself to grow some fucking balls and began to change my life around, nowadays I love to run, workout and wake up early. My diet also consists of only the healthiest foods so to all of you out there who are lazy, Never give up your dreams.
I can't tell if I'm a masochist because I like the pain in a sexual way or because I think I deserve it for being a horrible person in my own head. There is this guy I like and we have had sex a couple times, he's really awesome and super attractive, which makes me feel like I don't deserve him.
Whenever we get into it he is always asking "Is this okay?" and says things like, "Let me know if this is too much." I tell him I'll let him know.... but I don't think I ever would and I think maybe he knows that, because he hasn't really done anything super intense. He has pulled my hair a couple of times, spanked me... bitten me lightly.... but he could get away with so much more. I would let him beat the shit out of me if he just promised to love me. He wouldn't even have to be faithful and I would probably still want him around. I just don't want to be alone, but I don't want to be with someone who is unattractive either.
I am on a diet right now and I really try to get this to work.
But yesterday I couldn't hold my hunger anymore. I ate all the unhealthy stuff I tried to avoid in a month.
Now I have constipation because my stomach isn't used to this kind of food anymore.
"you know, all that really matters is that the people you love are happy and healthy. everything else is just sprinkles on the sundae" -Paul Walker
When I was 15 I was diagnosed with Anorexia after taking a really bad mental fall. It's been many years later and I never fully recovered, but I find myself constantly restricting and vomiting, and always feeling disgusted with myself. I have a 19.7 BMI, but it's not good enough. I really want to get underweight to prove to others that I am skinny, I am in control, I want to scare people, I find a numbing feeling that comes with this, and I love it.
Of course, the side effects of the disease is wretched and I think of how lovely recovery would be. I'm not here to get hate, Im just here to confess. I already seek therapy.
I smoke for a lot of reasons that I don't tell anyone because they'll tell me how stupid it is. Smoking helps regulate my ibs. It helps me relax my overly tense muscles. Mostly though, I use it as what's probably a form of bulimia. I'm afraid of gaining weight if I quit. I hate smoking sometimes but I don't want to quit.
This is my story of mental abuse, caused by my parents.
I'm 11, and I was depressed last year. After my mother called me a bitch, which she did two more times over that year, I became depressed... I asked to not wash the dishes, because I had fallen over and hurt my leg (which still hurt like hell!) but she didn't give a shit! She said, "Stop treating me like dirt, you Little Bitch!" and never said sorry. A few months after, and I still felt horrible. I was fat. My mother had told me this over and over. The truth is, I was tall as an average 12yr old and the right weight for that but since I was ten... I was "Fat" and "Chubby"... One day, I begged my mom to not let me go to a Scout Camp, because I didn't really know anyone in my group, but she just said, "Stop acting like a bitch and get ready!", which made me feel more depressed. I barely spoke on the camp, and I was starting to become an introvert. When everyone else was on a sugar-high I had to do something, but didn't know how. I didn't ask and ended up spilling the container of dirty water. They yelled at me for not asking for help, clearly not understanding what it means to be an introvert, and I felt horrible... A few weeks after that, I heard my mother saying, "Lesbians all should burn in hell!" to my father, and my heart fell to the ground. I've had many crushes, on both male and female. I know I'm bisexual already... The next day we were in the car, and I asked my mother what she thought of gays...
She said, "It's their life. They can do what they want."
"What if I'm bisexual?"
"YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO KNOW WHAT LOVE IS! Uh, but if you are bi, we will accept you.."
I used to be an extrovert, but I'm now introverted. I'm a brilliant actress, but only because I've been hiding my depression. I never cut myself, thanks to my best friend, Eggie, but I came close to drinking bleach when my father told me to "Fuck off", but didn't thanks to her. I have another really close friend, Austin, and he's fine with who I am and I feel wanted for once in my life. I am no longer depressed, but when I say "I love you" to them, I don't mean it... I care about them, hell they're my parents, but they have taught me to not stand up for myself and that I am worthless... I wish there was a way out of this hell. I wish I could tell someone! My friends think I never think about ending it, but that's not true! I believe I'm worthless, regardless of how many times I'm told I'm not! I wish I could just be who I want. I wish I could have been born into a family that cares about my well being! I am shy and introverted, but my family thinks I'm a happy, loud, extrovert! I have anxiety, but I can't tell anyone face to face because I'll break down and crying is weak! I am weak, so why do I hide it? I'm never going to be worth anything! I just wish, that when I closed my eyes and dreamed, that it wouldn't end. That I'd one day wake up and everything will be fine... I just hope god let's things become better...
My boyfriend and I quite both smoking one year ago. We wanted to life a healthier life.
What he doesn't know is that I started smoking again about 2 months later, I even thought about starting to smoke pot again because it's just so relaxing and nice.
i starve myself because i don’t feel worth food
Anyone that’s posting on here, I love you and I hope everything works out. There’s always hope xx
I have an eating disorder, but I haven't told anyone because no one will understand what I’m going through. I’m addicted to eating and I don’t need know how to stop it.
I’m 14 years old, and my mood has been getting really bad except I haven’t tried to tell anyone, and I’ve started skipping classes and vaping. I’ve been arguing with my mom now, and I am easily irritable.
My (m.29 at the time) fiancé (f. 28 at the time) died 2 years ago, we were together for 9 years. It happened out of the blue and we didn't see it coming. Ever since then i've gotten so depressed and lost myself so much from the person i used to be that i'm not sure she would still love me. I've started having panic attacks over the silliest things about my own health (i.e., think i'm having a heart attack, stroke, ect...) with no reason to believe that those things are happening or could. I tried going to therapy not long after she had passed away, but i didn't like the doctor, he just felt really robotic and like he was reading from a script, so i stopped going, and haven't done anything about it since. i'm not sure if it's survivors guilt or something, but i almost don't care to take care of myself for reasons i can't exactly pinpoint. i don't want to talk to my parents or friends or other family about my mental health situation because i know it would just upset them and make them sad for me and i don't want to do that to them. sometimes i just want to pack the most basic of belongings and just disappear out of their lives and maybe they'd just forget about me and i can have a do over with my life. i don't think i ever would, but i think about it a lot.
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