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my ex wife cheated, I confronted her and kicked her out of the house. I set up my rifle and watched this guy eat lunch. I had the rifle on his head and safety off, my finger on the trigger and pressing. I came very close to shooting him but knew I would be found.
I planned a set up where I would tie her in a chair and make her watch as I executed her family one by one. The only thing that saved them was my love for her little sister. She thought of me as a father figure and did not deserve to die.
I thought of suicide myself and just ending it all.
I did not kill anyone and just found someone new. I have a great wife I can trust and children I am very proud of.
I would love to take one of these pro-abortion women and put her in an artificial womb, for nine months, with a gas-mask and breathing tube as an umbilical. Fed through an IV, and constantly wondering when she was going to be killed! Insanity would claim her pretty quickly, I imagine!
Hey I'm 12 (female)and I tried to kill myself by Drinking Bleach... Why u ask well I had to poop so I did. I didn't realize that there wasn't any toilet paper. I was solo mad and I asked my Brothers and sister to go see if there was anymore in the other bathroom. NOPE THERE WASN'T. so the told me to use a fricking SOCK (a white sock) I said no. So sat there for a while then BOOM my siblings busted the Door open and watched me yell and scream at them. So I looked on the counter and seen some bleach I opened the top . Then I thought to myself I could go to hell if I killed myself . so I closed the top. And wiped my ass. And eventually use the sock. AND THAT WAS I THINK WHEN I WAS LIKE 5 OR 6 and my family won't EVER LIVE IT DOWN YEARSSS LATER
Sometimes I want to go kill my girlfriends family because they annoy the hell out of me and I think up different ways I would kill them
I've been in deep depression for...well, it's been so long I forget. My family has now began to put it aside and I'm starting to be the neglected forgotten child in the house. My sister's kid has started to take my place. My father and I rarely talk anymore. Just the other day he refused to look at me once. The desire to just kill myself gets stronger every day. The pain of self harm starts to feel calming now. The pray that when I fall sleep, I never wake up. I keep a tab open of fastest ways to kill myself. I hate the fact I have to deal with this reality. I just want it to end....so bad. I've hurt myself to many times and no one has cared anymore. I've written so many suicide notes. I'm broken.
I'm a 21 year old gay male. Decent looking.
Anyway this starts all the way back in elementary school, I always felt different. I was the odd kid out and often picked on but if you were to look at me there would be no obvious reason. I was clean, looked normal but I was always off, this is when the horrible pattern started. I had met this kid, let's call him Cody, anyway we hit it off at first when school started because he was the new kid and I was a loner and we bonded over just running around at recess because neither of us liked sports (or ever were invited to play) and the swing set. As the year went on I thought everything was fine and normal, his mom even started volunteering at the school to serve snacks for the students which had given me a chance to meet his mom which I thought was great until i got pulled into the office one day. I was told that I was being suspended for harassing another student, it turns out Jake was deeply afraid of me and my vivid imagination, so afraid that he had pretended to be my friend so he wouldn't get hurt. His mom volunteered at the school to even keep an eye on me so she can see for herself what was going on. That's when I really knew something was wrong with me and what sickens me is that this exact same pattern of me finding one person and developing a dangerous fixation on them, my intent is never to harm them but I do... never physically but I'm so insecure in everything about myself. I need to pick a fight with them just to know that they care enough to argue back. I make up a sad story or suicide attempt to see how much they love me. I constantly push these boundaries to test how much they will take and if they will hurl me out of their lives too. This pattern has slowed down but not in a healthy way, ive now turned to opiates to give me that feeling of euphoria I would get when someone would say something nice to me or give me a hug. I'm up to about 160-200 mg of oxycodone use a day which I guess is enough to kill someone without a tollerance and everyday I wish I wouldn't wake up from my nod. When this isn't enough I turn to casual sex on grindr just so I can still feel sexy and desired, I never use condoms because I hope I get HIV, that'll kill me in a few years if I don't treat it hopefully. Oh I should also mention that the only person that ever loved me unconditionally no matter how bad I got died of cancer when I was 19, the same time my "fiancé" left me. He was actually pretty good at dealing with my crazy, he knew how to work around it but after losing my mom I got really bad. Wanna know what's funny? I have a high paying job! I'm really smart and manipulative so I was able to cheat a resume and land a 30$ an hour job, I just pretended I knew what was going on lol I've even bought a car recently. I have this random peaks of energy and sanity I think where I set a goal and then I work hard to acheieve it, all while hiding a drug addiction. This isn't easy to do but any addict can tell you that they'll figure something out to push them through the day. As you can see this is so haphazardly written because this is how my brain works, I'm never on a single path and do you want to know the sickest thing that torments me the most in my life? I love. I love so hard. I love everyone and everything. All I want to do is love each and every person on this earth and i know that I have enough compassion in my heart to go around to each one of you but with my deadly desire to be desired like that in return all I do is hurt anyone who crosses my path. I've stopped now. I even got on methadone to start saving up a chunk of money for my family and entered the methadone clinic who dose me every morning before work, then I go to my office, milk the fuck out of the clock, go home, pop some xanax or whatever drug I can get my hands on because I have stockpiled fake pee for the UA's and pass the fuck out. On my days off it's just a blur of some type of intoxication. The beauty of this is, I'm no longer harming anyone, I tell my family I'm just dedicated to my career and they believe me because they see the new diesel (used 2011) Ford Dually I bought. I'm not in emotional pain for the lack of not having human interactions. My account is growing slowly but since I don't pay rent I can put almost half my monthly income into savings. I've written a list of the names of all the people I've hurt and for each name is a letter telling them everything that's beautiful about them. In 6 more months (if my body can hold up to my downers at night and daytime stimulants) I'll leave on a positive note with my dads debt paid off and my brother a newer truck which he should be able to make the payments on with the way I got the loan set up. Fuck you guys I'm so sorry I've failed you all. I was supposed to be the one to take every tear and change it for you... there has never been a time when my compassion didn't bring joy to someone's face, in fact that's the only thing that's kept me here this long. Kill me if you want and can find out who posted this, it would help. Today is January 7th.. late July and the toxic creature that has infected our existence as a species will enter the void of nothingness. Damnit, I was supposed to be something so beneficial. Anyway, bye babes. You have my love - mine is not to reason why, yours is not to make reply for I am to do and die.
I'm cheating/lying to/on my GF. No one except really close friends even know we're dating, but I wish we were still just best friends like we were in the past. She confessed her attraction and love for me over skype one day. At the time she was at an extreme low point in her life, and she put me on the spot. I could only think about what she'd do if I didn't accept her confession, she would kill herself. I knew it. I felt it. So I told her that I was feeling the same way, with intentions to eventually break up with her. Now I'm here. I'm not even really all that sure I'm bi. Do I like lesbian porn, yes. But who doesn't?! I still think dicks are awesome and I'd much rather ride some guys dick than finger another girls pussy. It's just not for me. On top of all of that, I was flirting behind her back. I'm a freshman in high school and she's an eighth grader in middle school. I feel so guilty. I know it was wrong, I even have a male date to homecoming. But I'm not gonna go cause it's just too wrong feeling for me. I can't keep this up! I know I have to break up with her eventually but she's so unstable. I could really ruin her for good. She loves me and I don't love her. I still see her as JUST my best friend. I'm an awful human being for leading both her and the guy on. I should just kill myself for doing this. I deserve to die.
Some nights ago, I dreamt that I would kill my brother-in-law. He is my husband's brother and they are like best friends. My brother-in-law, called Luke, lives in our streets, so he's around every single day.
He's nice actually but he's a bit of a loser. He can't do anything, lost his job several times and is not able to handle a girlfriend. He drinks beer and alcohol every day, so around 5 or 6 pm he's already a bit sozzled and then he starts talking and touching. He slapped my butt twice already. I told my husband but he said Luke wouldn't mean it like that and that it's just a joke.
Now I dreamt that I drove him over. Before I had that dream I would never ever thought about it, but now... He's really a pain in the ass. But I don't want my husband to suffer. So I guess, I have to live with him.
I shot my neighbour's cat by accident the other day. Because I didn't want to destroy our friendship (we get on really well together), I took the cat and placed it in the middle of the road. Then I waited until someone drove over it and told my neighbour that someone drove over her cat.
She now wants to sue the driver. I am feeling guilty but I guess you have to be an ass to get around in this world.
I used to have anger problems. I had gotten a horrible therapy for it so it never had gone away. My anger comes from my father who has outbursts a lot. Most of my anger is inside of my head. I’m scared to ever let it out because I might snap. I have horrible thoughts of anger. Like killing someone or torturing them. My father and brother have said on multiple occasions that I’m going to become a Murder with it. All because I had anger problems in the past. I’m to scared to hit. I can make my brother cry and bleed in one hit. I’m too scared that I’m going to snap one day like my dad.
I confess to being extremely proud of being the most sexually experienced and advanced man I know personally at the age of 31. I'm better at sex than any man I know, women can tell also, trust me.
I have fucked over 225 women, that number is over 300 when you include oral sex and manual sex partners since the age of 14. Due to the fact that I'm hypersexual., competitive, but also a giver and people pleaser.... I always wanted to please women and be the best fuck they've had.
Obviously I have a big thick cock that is my prized possession, but it's really because I know how to use it and athletically perform sex and fuck acts more rhythmically and precise than most men. Numerous women have asked if I was a professional male escort, prostitute, former or former porn star. I'm just an amateur expert and local legend. Reputation is everything and my number is 300+ because I have a big cock and am very good. A lot of women naturally choose me for one night stand and flings.
But why am I so proud of something that certain women and men will judge as repulsive and salacious hedonism???
Because a lot of men are envious and jealous of the women I've fucked and all the mind blowing sex I've had.... a lot of it is effortless and i've made porn themes the plot of my sexual reality. They would trade sexual lives with me if they could, trust me, most men would...
And women who think it's repulsive or highly excessive amount of women will have 2nd thoughts once they see me, hear me, spend time, feel my cock, and eventual orgasms. 9/10 of these never consider anything but natural unprotected sex once they feel my cock.
I have a co-worker I would love to beat to death, He interjects in everyone's conversations and is a total know-it-all. He's fucking ugly and gross and makes me sick. He always makes stupid facial expressions when you make eye-contact with him. He's a Star Wars fan and on May 4th he walked around the office saying "May the Fourth be with you. UGH! I just want beat him to a bloody pulp with a baseball bat and dance around in his brains.
My dog is dying and I think I am going to end his suffering. He is an old but very good boy and his body is full with cancer. I just can not see him like this. He does not eat much. He does not drink much. I informed myself about the most humane way to put him to sleep. I bought special kind of sleeping pills. And I am going to put that into his water or his food (I am not sure about this one yet) tonight.
I am devastated but I think it is for the best.
what I learnt from seeing a spiritual healer is that I always felt bad for dreams I had and any sexual thoughts or activities I did as a kid. Anyway, one nightmare stuck in my head as a teen (well a few did really) some of my dreams were very gruesome and ugly violent or very picture slide where it flashed past and the picture made the mood over a word. A lot of metaphors and word punts as well.
I asked someone about the dreams of princess diana that I would have at different times and one really captured her control over the world and I think that is what ultimately led to her demise as a human and her life so young to die. Because she was a dormant sexual image and a powerful feminine and a sign of virginal and power and elitism most people never obtain as well as a paradox of insecurities and weaknesses.
For me as a teen girl I felt I loved her as much as when I was a child but as a teen began to wonder why I loved her. Should she deserve that love as I didn't know her and she appeared to me to be a woman of selfish ends being totally spoilt for choice and I was completely the opposite. I didn't hate her but I grew to dislike women like her more and more as I found them a threat to me being able to be sexually valuable and relevant for work and love and income. It all felt so unfair. I seen so many black people making cultural improvements and I was not personally, I only ever benefited as a side step from some one else in the family and I was never allowed to be a provider or achiever or image to look up to. I was the loser teen to loser adult with no talents and no qualities to shape as I got more mature it would appear in the eyes of others but not in myself, I didn't see myself as others saw me. I guess I never will one way or another. I just wish they could live the life "my life was the complete message of the song by whitney whatever who died, "didn't we almost have it all" but we never did and we were fooling ourselves to think we would !!! I wish others knew this feeling of half getting their to be slammed down and pushed to unemployment and no love and questing why is life so shitty and gee god has to be the biggest retard ever !!! cuz he has no idea of what the heck he is doing and it all makes no sense and there is no happiness to be had in life.
how about you find out how it feels to be invited by the special girl and your prettier but everyone still likes all the others but you. your the one helping others weddings and parties and doing all the nice things and no one thinks of you. you are all alone and left alone when you have given too much of yourself and no one is worrying about your feelings tonight or caring for you at all because you didn't add enough detail to the picture or story. you didn't add some disclaimer or you didn't say what the others wanted to hear.
I still think diana died because the queen got sick of playing second fiddle to diana and she was jealous of her being so loved. The queen has killed a lot of nice women in her time. And what she didn't kill the male royals did out of as much jealous and needing the power.
My spiritual healer told me that my dream was an expression of diana's over dominance on all our minds and the world and that is what actually killed her needing to be in ever magazine and too loved for her own good. It showed her dark side she didn't want others to see and maybe there were fragments of me in whatever I saw in her reflecting at me as well of who I idolised and who I wanted to be like as a teen and adult and needing someone to look up to as the hero and princess bride like barbie image. She told me this was all normal and our dreams are often metaphoric and not always factual or literal. and I didn't kill her or harm her and I had nothing to feel bad about at all.
I'm dead on the inside, I just feel miserable and sad all the time.
If it weren't to my son, I already would have killed myself. I just don't want to live anymore.
I want to confess that I once thought about going on a killing spree.
Please don't get me wrong, I know how terrible this is but I just couldn't handle it anymore. Back in middle school all other kids hated me, bullied me and pranked me. After a girl pretend to like me but just did so because she had lost a bet, I was furious. I actually had planned the attack but was too afraid to do it.
I am now a grown up man in my mid 30 and I am very glad I haven't ruined my life like that.
Sometimes I have the urge to suddenly beat the shit out of same random person. The pleasure of them begging me to stop and crying while looking at me in the eye slowly dying as I'm laughing. Please, please stop, your hurting me. I can only imagine. But, I like my freedom. I'll let the next guy do it for me.
I’m basically an emotional crutch for my friend, pretty much the only one she has, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to kill myself soon. I just don’t know what to do, I don’t want to leave her alone and stranded with nobody to talk to anymore, but I don’t think my mind is going to let me stay here much longer. And the worst part is I’m doing everything right. I’ve been taking my meds, reaching out to people when I need them, ive been taking notice when I’m having irrational thoughts and putting a stop to them, I’ve been excersicing, boy howdy have I. Been excersicing, but I still hear screaming that isn’t there, I still feel like my room is closing in on me, I still feel like my mind is deteriorating...what am I doing wrong?
Don't say that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel because you wouldn't understand how hard it is to see in the dark especially when you become one with it.
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