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I’m basically an emotional crutch for my friend, pretty much the only one she has, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to kill myself soon. I just don’t know what to do, I don’t want to leave her alone and stranded with nobody to talk to anymore, but I don’t think my mind is going to let me stay here much longer. And the worst part is I’m doing everything right. I’ve been taking my meds, reaching out to people when I need them, ive been taking notice when I’m having irrational thoughts and putting a stop to them, I’ve been excersicing, boy howdy have I. Been excersicing, but I still hear screaming that isn’t there, I still feel like my room is closing in on me, I still feel like my mind is deteriorating...what am I doing wrong?
I used to have anger problems. I had gotten a horrible therapy for it so it never had gone away. My anger comes from my father who has outbursts a lot. Most of my anger is inside of my head. I’m scared to ever let it out because I might snap. I have horrible thoughts of anger. Like killing someone or torturing them. My father and brother have said on multiple occasions that I’m going to become a Murder with it. All because I had anger problems in the past. I’m to scared to hit. I can make my brother cry and bleed in one hit. I’m too scared that I’m going to snap one day like my dad.
my ex wife cheated, I confronted her and kicked her out of the house. I set up my rifle and watched this guy eat lunch. I had the rifle on his head and safety off, my finger on the trigger and pressing. I came very close to shooting him but knew I would be found.
I planned a set up where I would tie her in a chair and make her watch as I executed her family one by one. The only thing that saved them was my love for her little sister. She thought of me as a father figure and did not deserve to die.
I thought of suicide myself and just ending it all.
I did not kill anyone and just found someone new. I have a great wife I can trust and children I am very proud of.
I want to confess that I once thought about going on a killing spree.
Please don't get me wrong, I know how terrible this is but I just couldn't handle it anymore. Back in middle school all other kids hated me, bullied me and pranked me. After a girl pretend to like me but just did so because she had lost a bet, I was furious. I actually had planned the attack but was too afraid to do it.
I am now a grown up man in my mid 30 and I am very glad I haven't ruined my life like that.
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