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Read the best #beer confession stories
My girlfriend's birthday was yesterday and I totally forgot it.
I didn't wish her a happy birthday, I didn't give her a present. I did nothing. At night, I went out with my homies for some beer and she was alone at home.
Yesterday I peed into the beer of Richard S. from W.
I hope you don't mind buddy.
Some nights ago, I dreamt that I would kill my brother-in-law. He is my husband's brother and they are like best friends. My brother-in-law, called Luke, lives in our streets, so he's around every single day.
He's nice actually but he's a bit of a loser. He can't do anything, lost his job several times and is not able to handle a girlfriend. He drinks beer and alcohol every day, so around 5 or 6 pm he's already a bit sozzled and then he starts talking and touching. He slapped my butt twice already. I told my husband but he said Luke wouldn't mean it like that and that it's just a joke.
Now I dreamt that I drove him over. Before I had that dream I would never ever thought about it, but now... He's really a pain in the ass. But I don't want my husband to suffer. So I guess, I have to live with him.
My girlfriend gave me the new GTA V as a present. She said just because she loves me.
She doesn't know that I bought it myself already. I didn't tell her and sold it on eBay instead.
Now I have GTA V and some cash for extra beer.
Some time ago my friends and I were partying in the city. We had a lot of fun and drank a lot of alcohol. The time went by and our alcohol consume took its toll. We were wasted and running around in the city, flirting with girls and mess around with people there.
After a while we met a homeless man. He was sitting in a corner of a building, drinking his beer and just looking miserable. We talked to him and while my friends where distracting him, I peed in his beer can.
We said goodbye and left after that, laughing our asses off.
In retrospect I feel terrible about it and very sorry for the man. He probably hadn't had anything else but that beer and I pissed in it. I am sorry!
I confess I smoke marijuana even while I am driving. I don't wanna praise myself but I am a very good driver, so I don't think anything would happen. I still go to school and now I started to drink beer at lunch time; I wouldn't survive this stupid boring school days otherwise.
My ex and I broke up 4 years ago, because I behaved like a total dick most of the time. Yes ok, it as not ONLY my fault, she was also at fault, but MOSTLY, my behaviour was the reason we broke up. Back then, we still were in the same group of friends, so I knew that she still had feelings for me after the break-up. We were long distance, so we did not see each other anymore.
When I was back home a few weeks later, I went to a friend's party and she was there, too. We talked for hours about our relationship and she let it slip that she still had feelings for me and wanted to reconcile. She cried a lot and I reassured her that I would come back to her place after the party. I actually wanted to get laid, but I was so fucking drunk I hardly could sit straight...
So, then we decided to leave the party and I walked her home.
In front of her door, the moment came.. to kiss or not to kiss.. I was about to put my hands on her hips when I let one rip and I mean the most disgusting, but silent fart anyone in the history of mankind ever let out. It took about 2 seconds before the most foul and awful smell hit us and she actually gagged and pulled away.
It was so disgusting and I was really embarrassed, so I said my goodbye and walked away rather abruptly. I never saw her again.
So, I confess and plead for forgiveness. I somehow managed it to scare off the love of my life when I actually tried to win her back.
I will never mix beer and kebab again!
This is a confession but also shows how karma can pay you back. Ever since I was a kid I’ve been fascinated with fat. I used to wish I’d grow fat and I’d put pillow up my shirt to pretend I was fat. I also used to tease others who where “chubby”. I remember seeing a fat boy and saying out loud how fat he was. My sister told me that was rude.
When she hit puberty my sister gained some weight. I would tease her mercilessly. I used to tease other cousins who were fat. I was downright mean. And I was arrogant about it. When I was going off to college my sister snidely said “watch out for the freshman fifteen”, which I scoffed at.
Well, by thanksgiving of that year I had put on the freshman15, and to be honest I liked it. I was not huge by any means but I went from 160 to 175. By Christmas, I did gain more and was up to 195. When I came home. I was sucking in my smallish beer gut all the time. One morning she caught me by surprise in the bathroom with my shirt off and grabbed my flab and said, “you won’t be able to hide that gut much longer the rate you’re going!”
Now, she was a bit odd, and said to me that she put a spell on me and that I would continue to grow fatter and fatter, because I used to treat her so bad! I told her to piss off.
But you know, I was actually thrilled that I was caught with my pudge hanging and I secretly liked the idea of getting a lot fatter.
So, I decided then and there that I’d no longer hide my weight gain. At Easter the next year both my parents commented on my increased girth. My sister just smiled. During summer break I was a good 220 lbs and mowed the lawn shirtless.
I got a lot of teasing from my sister and especially one cousin.
Funny, how liberating it was. When my sister would tease I’d reply “hey, your spell is working and there is no use fighting it.”
Little did she know that she tapped into a desire that I had all those years as a kid. In my teasing I was actually jealous of her fatness as a kid.
So today many years later, here I am still getting fat. I’m 260 lbs with. A pronounced 52 inch beer belly. My sister lives in a city some 4 hour drive away. Each time we meet I mention that the spell is still working. She knows that I like sporting a fat gut and I take every opportunity to do some show and tell. This past Christmas she asked if I’d play Santa for her kids, and I said, I’d make sure that my belly is big enough to not use any padding.
I apologized about teasing her as a kid, and said that karma has repaid me. I think in a few years I’ll likely be 300. I am not her little brother any more.
Recently, I was partying really hard, a girl came over to me and said that she fell in love with me. I answered "If I had two more beer, I would fall in love with you, too!"
She slapped me and ran off.
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