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I don't know what God wants. I should have died. God seemed to pull me back from death. My body just shut down.
Now what? I have no home. My ex-wife can't decide if she wants me. All my kids have gone from well behaved honor students to being depressed & struggling at everything. Same for my ex. Yet they don't seem to want me back. I just sit alone in a room day after day in the dark. When this runs out i have no next place to go. I'm disabled. My med bills are more than i make. I live on bread and water mostly. I can't even fix my old car. Its like my life has ended but God saved me from death. No; didnt try it. I live in unclean plsces. Had transplant. Keep getting infections.
I have a purpose. But they can't see it. I'm growing so weak from infections. I can't afford a hospital again. The next time will probsbly be the last. So weird. I just keep living. I'm like a stain on a carpet. No one wants it. Its just there.
I'm in love with someone 17 years older than me. I'm 15 and he's 32. He has confessed to having some sort of feelings for me. I can't stop thinking about him, and i know I shouldn't have these feelings, but I do.
I met a guy online and at this time i was new to the app discord. I was a dumb fuck and joined a server with no one i knew. The guy knew my age and still talked to me. He was 21 and i was still a minor. I had no one to reassure me or reach out to. My friend eventually asked about why i was always talking to him and I ended up telling her. She told me to block him but I have no way of saying no. I was roped into another situation with another adult male. He was about 23 or so and he made me super uncomfy but yet again I had no way to say no. I know I should have said no but I have a fear of upsetting people and displeasing people. It's a horrible trait to have but its a struggle. I was diagnosed with anxiety and had to use certain medicines for a while till they fucked me up. Even though I was being treated physically, I was still mentally ill. I had suicidal thoughts and had to go to therapy but that's not my main focus. Either way I still have no Idea how to say no to people. I will always and forever hate older men that I don't know. It's my fault though. Is it? People say it was their faults for taking advantage of me but are they when I can't even say no. It's too complicated. I've gotten somewhat better but I'm getting through now. I've had some time to recover. I cope with writing and music but idc. Fuck U endo and yukki.
Negative and positive people.
I set and had a person try to explain to me how they are a positive person and I’m a negative person.
Yet everyday they complain about everybody and everything to their family & friends who also complain endlessly about everyone & everything.
But they call me negative. Why? I guess because I don’t play their game.
He tried to explain how they can get up; drink their coffee; and all go off to work peacefully together. But that’s not true. They yell and argue endlessly. I’m the only one that doesn’t.
A year ago one of my best friends and I had a weekend together. We didn't fuck although I wanted to. We teased eachother a lot and he made me cum alot with his long fingers. He is married I should care because his wife was a good friend of mine too but I couldn't feel bad, I still don't. I've been in love with him for a while but never imagined we would become physical with eachother. I love the way he kisses me. for month and months we couldn't stop touching eachother. It was like we needed to know we were both still real and wouldn't disappear. Even at work we would sneak looks at eachother and gently touch spots on places on eachother knowing what we our turn ons. Everything changed when I announced I was moving across the country. He began ignoring me and inviting me over less. I was hurt and angry but couldn't say anything because he is marries. I've been living on the west coast for a month now and i miss him every damn day. If I believed in soulmates he woumine. needes
I lost a bet to someone on discord (m17) I (m22 )have to be there slave for 24 hours irl with no rules (other than nothing too weird ) I’m both scared and excited to see what happens.
In 2018 when I was 13 I met someone on discord. We were really close that we knew everything about each other. One day in the middle of the night she told me that I was a slut and a whore for texting her boyfriend even tho I'm lesbian. And told me that I'm just a fat fucking loser and I should die for what I did. Days after that she messaged me again saying she was sorry and wants to be friends again. I forgave her cause I didn't want her to yell at me again. Weeks later she messaged again saying she wants to end her life and asked for my help. I tried helping her....I tried. For a week I was trying to help her by giving her the hotline number, professionals to talk to, websites she can go to for help but she said no for each one. Then the last day I talked to her she told me that I cant never help her and that I was still a slut and whore. That I need to die with her too. Then she just stopped texting me. All her friends blocked me when she disappeared. At the time I didn't even know if she even did it. I'm 16 now and her ex-boyfriend messaged me weeks ago saying that she was alive and just wanted me to kill myself for a dare......now she haunts me in my dreams. I have depression cause of her, anxiety cause of her.....everything cause of her.
#depression #sad #discord
Would love to control my desires and sinful desires so I can focus on work and newly married life. I'm working on it through sinful meditations. These thoughts are sins. Forgive me lord
#shame #trauma #ptsd #childhood #problems #war #fighting #veteran #fetish #pain #sadism #masochism #bondage #spirit #grand #domination #switch #game #discord #chess #cashapp #cash #love #royalty #friendship #army #values #manners #ideals #fwb #negative #aweful #suck #happy #yes
f18. i’m horny asf rn. i want someone to rate my body and tell me all the dirty things they’d do to me. add me on discord
hellish
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