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Read the best #funny confession stories
I confess that I beat someone up last year because I thought he was a zombie.
Drowsy and half asleep, I was walking to the trash bins, outside of my house around 2 am in the morning. I threw my trash in the bin and then I heard some strange noises right behind me. Someone scuffled and groaned like a zombie. Before I even thought about it, I punched this guy in the face and kicked him in the balls. He then screamed and ran away. It was a homeless guy probably asking for money or food or something.
I am only able to fulfill my manly act if my girlfriend calls me "the machine".
#machine #manly #act #funny #confession
My girlfriend and I (m/30) have been together for around 10 years now. Her family is originally from Russia. Shortly, after we got together, she invited me to her birthday party with her family. Up until then, I never met her family or knew much about them. Of course I agreed to come and got her a nice present and some flowers for her mother. I actually thought that it would be a small and quiet celebration.
Oh boy, was I wrong.
When we pulled up to her parents' house, I was overwhelmed. It was (still is) a really big house with fine decour and everything. I got rather nervous that her family would not like me as they obviously were playing in another league than me.
So, it was a huge party and all her family from all around the country and from Russia came to celebrate. And as you might know, the Russians love their vodka. Everyone was very kind and everyone wanted to drink with me. As soon as my glass was empty, another relative came my way holding vodka shots. My girlfriend was very busy talking to everyone and did not notice what happened until it was too late.
So, we danced, we took shots, the food was amazing. Until I noticed that I wasn't feeling so well. I didn't make it back to the bathroom, but puked all over myself, the floor and some landed on my girlfriend's mother... I was mortified!
Somehow, my girlfriend, her mother and her aunt managed to get me into the bathtub and hosed me down. They got me a pyjama of my girlfriend's dad and they put me to bed.
The next morning when I woke up I felt horrible. I was utterly ashamed, but still went down for breakfast. Everyone still present was smirking and laughing at me, but it seemed everything in good fun. Her mother came up to me with a bottle of vodka shortly after and asked if I wanted to do some shots. I almost puked on her again.
So I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest before our wedding in June when I have to see her whole family again.
#girlfriend #russian #vodka #drunk #puked #embarrassing #family #celebration #party #bathroom #funny #ashamed #confession #wedding #russia
Hi! I'd like to confess I work in a pizzeria and there's some wit who thinks he can order pizza almost every day around 11 pm. Because we also want to finish, we always put the grossest cheese on the pizza and sometimes he also gets our "special sauce"
When I was 16 I slept at my best friends house and we watched Babestation on his TV in his room. Being horny teenagers we found ourselves, sat next to each other on his bed, wanking.
Being curious about touching another guys dick, I asked if I could touch him. He agreed and for a while we wanked each other, which I quite enjoyed.
Anyway long story short, he finished before me and kinda lost control of where it landed. Since I was sat next to him some landed on my leg and arm which I was pretty surprised about but it was hot. In fact, it actually helped me cum. But that's a secret. As revenge, I came over his bed. He wasn't impressed.
We cleaned up and went to sleep. We joke about it from time to time, but it nothing has happened since.
At the birthday party of my little sister (it was her 7th birthday) I put vodka into the bowle so the kids get funnier.
#alcohol #vodka #birthday #party #sister #bowle #kids #funny
I change some of wikipedia's entries just to mess with people. Most of the facts and stuff I change stay like that.
I don't regret anything; it's you own fault when you believe everything which is written on wikipedia.
I enjoy the sorrow, misery and pain of others. It does not have to be anything crass, but I get giddy and really really gleeful if I watch someone struggling.
I ROARED with laughter when I watched a young mother lose her baby's pacifier in a drainpipe and the baby started crying.
When I am walking through town and occasionally stop and watch, hoping for something funny to happen - I love watching people struggling with heavy objects.
I love watching fail compilations on YouTube.
Unfortunately, I now read on the internet that this glee and joy for the pain of others might be connected to feelings of inferiority.
I confess that I worry that should be ashamed for my key source of joy in my life. And that I love my fellow human beings the most when they are stuck in a water slide.
#funny #despair #joy #glee #youtube #videos #fun #laughing #baby #mother #slide #water #confession #inferiority
Is anyone fart in ur tuition class or burp😂 I have done I think this is embarrassing don’t uh?
#embarresed #funny #lol
I've called the Alcoholics Anonymous and asked them which wine would match perfectly to fish.
They didn't answer me.
I have an interest to go online and look at pictures of dead people. Then I like to laugh at them. The dead bodies dont disterb me, even when their organs or blood is exposed. I'm not sorry holocaust victims and dead people but I guess I should be...
Embarrassing story. When I was 19 I was hooking up with a girl at a house party in college. She was 18, chubby, and samoan so she was very thick. She was even taller than me. Her thighs and ass were thick but felt firm. Her lips were big and I just imagined them giving me head. We were in somebodies bedroom and we went on the floor instead of the bed for some reason. We started just making out. Felt amazing. I just felt up on her boobs and ass. She was grinding on me with cloths on and I just came. I couldn’t help it I tried but it was so hot I just finished in my pants. I didn’t want her to know so I begged her to let me eat her out. She wanted sex but I was able to convince her to let me give her head. For 10 minutes I just licked her and ate her out. Tasted her and finally she finished in my mouth. I was happy because she was apologizing saying she tried to hold off so we could fuck but I made her cum. Luckily we met up a few weeks later and had sex but even then I only lasted like 40 seconds before cumming inside her awkwardly. Haven’t seen her in years or spoken to her but she turned me into a bbw lover.
I live in a multi story building with many foreign families and a lot of them have some kind of trouble with the police, distrainors, lawyers and other creditors. When I'm at home, I often hear that there's someone who keeps ringing the door bell, to talk to one of those families. Apart from me, almost no one of these people work, they are sitting at home all day and watch TV and therefore they know who's standing in front of the door and therefore don't open it. But I'm a helpful person so I let them in by pressing the buzzer for the front door down stairs. It's funny to watch the police while they are trying to get entrance to the flat.
#building #foreign #families #funny #police #lawyers #confession
Back in the 5th grade, us guys goofed around and cut off the long hair of the girls. At that time, we really thought this would be funny. Now when I think about it ( I am 16 now ) it's not fun at all. Sorry girls, I didn't mean to!
My friends and I love to crash house parties and there are A LOT where we live. We usually get quite hammered and dick around - it is always great fun. I also usually ends with one of most of us puking and throwing up. When I do, I like to do it on the carpet(s). When I am done, I turn them around, so it will not be noticed at first.
It is hilarious to watch when the host(s) notices and I when they have to clean it up afterwards.
#party #puking #alcohol #wasted #carpet #host #confession #funny
Every time my sister is bitchy or annoying, I spit on her pillow.
It satisfies me to know that she sleeps on that pillow without knowing anything.
Every time I am bored I go to my local music shop and switch all the CDs and DVDs into other packagings.
I read every confession on this site. I should be working right now but I don't want to, it's just too damn funny.
#confession #work #funny #lazy
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